


Friendship

by EveHypo555



Category: Thai Actor RPF, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting to Know Each Other, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:15:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 58,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveHypo555/pseuds/EveHypo555
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 12
Kudos: 167





	1. The Way We Were

"You made out in a parking lot?"

Gulf gives Kaprao a look. "Kissed. It was one kiss."

"In a parking lot."

"Yes, in a parking lot." He sighs and dips his finger into the bowl to taste it. "Ugh. Nong, your batter needs sugar. Or salt. Or new batter." 

"It's soap." 

"Alai wa?" He looks down at the pink goop. 

Kaprao laughs and lays out the molds. "We're making soap, remember?" He pours out the mixture. "Or were you too distracted talking about your boyfriend?"

"Not my boyfriend."

"Right. Yet."

"Right." He groans and ruffles his hair. "What am I doing, Nong? I don't know how to do any of this. I made out with him in a parking lot."

Kaprao looks up from his soap. "Hey, you said it was just one kiss."

"...there may have been tongue."

"So, you made out with your boyfriend in a parking lot."

"Basically."

___________________

Gulf checks his phone again. No messages. 

"He's in class," Kaprao reminds him. 

"I wasn't-"

"Yes, you were. Don't worry," he points to an egg shaped timer on the counter. "It'll go off when he gets out."

"Oh." Gulf looks at the trays scattered around the kitchen. "Weren't you supposed to be timing the soap?" 

"Shia…" 

___________________

"That's a terrible plan," says Kaprao. 

Gulf makes a noise with a mouth full of pork rinds. "Aow. What do you mean? It's brilliant." He holds out one of the rinds. "I'll just munch on these bad boys whenever I'm around him, and I won't be able to kiss him." 

"You'll just keep a bag of pork rinds on you at all times?" 

"...yes?" 

Kaprao shakes his head. "Is it really that hard to avoid kissing P'Mew?" He laughs at Gulf's reaction. "Nevermind. I shouldn't have bothered-" he's cut off by the egg timer going off. 

Gulf's phone buzzes immediately. He shows Kaprao the text. 

** Mew **

Out of class. Video games tonight?

"Explain to me again how you two aren't dating?" 

Gulf sighs and stares at his phone. "I don't know, exactly. It's not like we made a contract or anything." 

"Like Tharn and Type did?" 

"Do you think we should?" 

"Depends." Kaprao shrugs. "How often do you plan on making out with him in parking lots?" 

__________________

"You want to make a contract?" Mew's voice sounds flat over the phone. 

Gulf pouts and sinks into his sofa. "Don't you think we should have some ground rules?" 

"No."

"No?"

His senior laughs. "If there are rules, you'll just want to break them."

"Aow."

"Yai Nong… Don't lie na."

Gulf tries to subdue the fluttering in his stomach. Why does P'Mew have to sound so flirty when he calls him out? 

"Okay, fine." He pulls his legs up to his chest. "No rules. It can't be that hard, right? It's friendship, not physics."

"Ugh, don't say physics."

"Physics."

"See?" Mew's laugh is loud and staticy. "You can't stand being told what to do. How do you expect to follow rules?" 

"That's not true," he says. He bites at his lip before speaking again. "I like being told what to do… _sometimes."_

A loud thud comes through the speaker, followed by Mew cursing. 

"Phi, you okay?" 

He clears his throat. "Yeah. Fine. Just… dropped the phone." 

Gulf smiles to himself. "I'm a good boy, remember?" 

"Fuck." Mew's voice sounds far away. 

"Did you drop it again?" 

He hears him scramble on the other end. "No, I threw it." Mew takes a deep breath. "Nong, you can't say shit like that. I'm trying to behave here, and you're driving me crazy." The desperation in his voice goes straight to Gulf's crotch. 

He grips the phone and starts playing with his neck. "I thought you still wanted to flirt with me na?" 

"Go easy on me, Gulf." 

Oh, fuck. Gulf grabs at the fabric of his shirt. "Are you begging me right now, Phi?" 

"Yai Nong…" he uses his threatening voice.

Gulf's breath is getting heavier. And, shit, so is Mew's. "Khun Phi…" he licks his lips. "Are you trying to turn me on?" 

"Fuck no." His words sound rushed. "You're the one teasing me, remember? You're the one being naughty." 

A small, yet audible whine escapes Gulf's lips. "P'Mew…" 

"You have to stop saying my name like that, Nong…" his voice has that rough quality that makes Gulf shiver. This isn't even phone sex but he's hard as a rock. 

"Shia, Phi…" he closes his eyes. "We can't… do this. We have… ugh…" he loses focus at the sound of Mew's breathing.

"Yes?" 

"Fuck, don't say yes right now." He presses his palm against his forehead and groans.

"Then you can't make noises like that right now." 

"Phi?"

"What?"

"We're really bad at being friends."

"I know."

Gulf looks down at the bulge in his sweats. "Should we hang up?"

"Probably."

Neither of them says goodbye before hanging up. Gulf tosses his phone on the coffee table and pushes his waistband down to his hips. Fuck, he's really going to do this, isn't he? He's so painfully hard, and just taking himself in his hand makes him moan. An image comes to mind of P'Mew in a white shirt, rolling up his sleeves.

_Are you going to be a good boy?_ Gulf whimpers at the thought of his senior caging him in and turning him around. _Place your hands on the wall and spread your legs._ He pictures Mew running his hands down his back, squeezing his hips, and reaching around to stroke him. Slow, teasing strokes at first, making him moan in real life. He licks his lips as he quickens his pace. _I said- are you going to be a good boy?_

_Yes._ The words are a whisper on his lips. _Yes, what?_ Gulf tightens his grip, imagining it to be his senior. _Yes, Khun Phi._ He's whimpering now. How he wants to behave. How he wants to be obedient. _Do you like the way your Khun Phi touches you?_ It's making him insane. _Yes, Phi._ Even if it's not really him, the thought alone is causing a rising in his stomach. Thinking of Mew's hand on his cock, rough and commanding. _Are you going to come for me?_ God, he's so close. He pictures P'Mew lacing his fingers with his own against the wall as he continues to stroke him. Holding him prisoner and driving him to the brink of rapture. _Yes, Phi. Please let me come._ Harder now, slowing to an agonizing pace that teases him and forces him to feel every inch of sweet and tantalizing pressure. Steady strokes that draw out the pleasure until he can't take it anymore, and it builds inside of him. _Be a good boy and come for me._ And it's all he can do to not cry out as he arches his back and bucks his hips. He's coming so hard, mind racing at the thought of P'Mew's hand covered in his cum, milking him for every last drop. 

He lies there for a moment, sweaty and out of breath. There's cum all over his shirt and even some on the couch. Definitely not the work of a good boy. He sighs and stares up at the ceiling. _It can't be that hard, right? It's friendship, not physics._ Seems that hardness isn't the issue here. He cleans up, changes his shirt, and reaches for his phone. 

** Gulf **

Video call me na when you're done

It's another ten minutes before Mew responds. 

** Mew **

Done with what? 

** Gulf **

Don't make me feel even worse about this, Phi. I can't have been the only one

** Mew **

Oh. 

Mew's face appears in the video chat. His hair is wet. 

"Did you shower?" 

His eyes wander around the room. "Uh, it's hot in my condo."

"I bet."

He makes a face at Gulf. "Okay na, I also did it. Why are you always so unreserved?” 

Gulf laughs at his senior. "We said we would be more honest with each other."

"I didn't think you meant _this_ honest."

He smiles at him. P'Mew can be so whiny at times. "We have to talk about this, Phi. It's been a week, and look where we are." 

"What do you suggest we do?"

He lies down on the couch and sighs. "We should focus na on the point of our friendship. Getting to know each other. Working through your healing." 

P'Mew runs a hand through his hair. Gulf knows it as a tell for when he's stressed. "I'm going to need a snack for this." 

__________________

"The breeder almost wouldn't sell him to me. He said he was sickly and didn't get along with the other puppies." P'Mew sighs and shrugs at him. "So, I offered him more money and he accepted. My mom still doesn't know how much I really paid for Chopper." 

"No other puppy would do, huh?"

Mew gives him a warm smile. "I have a soft spot for those who are cute and anti-social." 

Gulf sees his own ears turning red on the screen. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about." 

His senior lets out a contented sigh. "This was a good idea." His eyes take on a languid, dreamlike quality. 

Warmth washes over Gulf as he stares at him through the phone. "How are you sleeping these days?" 

Worry flashes on his face. "I've had these incoherent dreams lately. Not even memories. Just… fragments." 

"Of what?"

"Random daily things. Class, Chopper, driving." He huffs and leans back on his couch. "Sometimes it doesn't make sense. I dreamt I was at the night market, looking for a keychain like they sell to tourists. Or I was making a smoothie but I didn't have all the ingredients." 

Gulf laughs at his senior. "So, normal dreams?" 

"Is that normal? I don't even know anymore." He groans and scrunches up his face. "There was one time, part of my dream was in English." 

"How did that happen?" 

"I was reading a journal article by a Canadian." They laugh together and it feels natural between them. No sexual tension, no hesitancy. Just them being Mew and Gulf. 

"What do you think this means, Phi?"

He yawns and stretches out on the couch. "I think it's too soon to tell. Why, is Yai Nong that eager to date me?" He flashes a grin so devilish that Gulf's heart skips, but it's soon replaced by his senior's goofy smile. The one that fills his chest with warmth. 

"P'Mew flatters himself too much." 

"You weren't, so I had to." 

He can see his own shy expression on the screen. "That's a boyfriend privilege. It has to be earned na."

P'Mew raises his eyebrows. "What's included in the friendship package?" 

Something squirms in Gulf's tummy. He's been wanting to ask a question for the past few days. "How about we hang out?" 

"Alai na?" 

"Uuh," he says. _Yeah._ "Let's hang out like friends do."

Mew considers it. "What did you have in mind?" 

"Hot pot?" 

___________________

Gulf spots his senior near the restaurant entrance. He's leaning against the outside, one hand in his pocket as he scrolls through his phone. His bangs are messy and just barely cover his eyes. How does he manage to look so cool all the time? Mew looks up and appraises him as he approaches. 

"How long did it take you to pick out your clothes?" 

"Alai na, Phi?"

"How long did it take to choose your outfit?" 

Gulf shifts his weight and shrugs. "Half an hour?" 

Mew nods. "Forty-five minutes for me. I think we're overthinking it." He holds the door open for him. 

Gulf looks at his senior. "Really? Khun Phi is such a gentleman." He catches a whiff of something bold and cool in the air. "Are you wearing cologne?" 

Mew's cheeks turn pink. "Yes, but I tried washing it off, okay?" He arches an eyebrow. "You styled your hair." 

"It was fluffy." 

"So?"

His ears are burning as they're escorted to their booth. They slide in next to each other before realizing how awkward it is. "Don't know why I did that," says Gulf. He stands and sits across from Mew. The smug bastard has an arrogant grin on his stupid, handsome face. 

"You didn't answer my question," says his senior.

"So…" Gulf looks to see that nobody is around them. "I wanted you to think I looked good. There." He pretends to read the drinks menu. 

Mew laughs and leans across the table. "I always think you look good, Nong. And I love your fluffy hair." 

Gulf doesn't understand any of the words on the menu. He's too busy trying to suppress the fluttering in his stomach. How is he ever going to get through this date- no, not date. Very much not date- with P'Mew acting so flirty? 

It's midway through their meal that Gulf shoves his chopsticks at Mew. "Here, try this one." He holds out a piece of meat. Without hesitation, Mew opens his mouth and accepts the bite. 

It's not until he swallows that Mew freezes. "We probably shouldn't do that." 

Gulf looks at his chopsticks. "Shia. It was just second nature." 

"I know." 

When the check comes, Mew pays for them both. Gulf slumps down in his seat, rubbing his tummy. "Thanks na, Phi." 

"I see you have no trouble letting me treat you." 

He stretches and smacks his lips. "You're the Phi and I'm the Nong. I don't make the rules." 

"You don't follow them, either." 

They leave the restaurant, and Mew reaches for his hand. "Ay." He catches himself. "Sorry." 

Gulf looks down at his empty fingers. "Oh, right." He puts his hand in his pocket. "I guess friends don't do that." 

"This is weird," says Mew. "It feels like ants are crawling over my skin. I just want to reach out and arrnngghh!" He makes a squeezing motion with his hands. 

Gulf gives him the sweetest smile he can muster. "Does Khun Phi miss his Nong Stress Ball?" 

"Is that all you have to say?" He gives him a look that says, _I'm so done._ "Can't you ever tell me you feel the same?" 

"Aow." Gulf stops walking and turns to face him. "I'm the one who confessed, remember?" 

Mew's expression melts into a sappy grin as he leans forward. "Yes, you did. And you've made me the happiest man." 

Gulf can't help but stare into his half moon eyes. Eyes that have burned themselves into his heart. Eyes that have flooded his very being with the rush and thrill of new love. "You're cornier than Tharn," he says, because he doesn't know how else to respond. He looks around them. "Where are we?" 

Mew glances at the street sign. "I don't know. My car's back there," he laughs and points in the direction they came. 

Gulf heads into a deserted side street and leans against a building. "Was this a stupid idea, Phi?" 

Mew stands in front of him, both hands in his pockets. Why does he look so cool whenever he does that? "We just have to keep trying na. It might not work the first few times, because we're still figuring it out. But it's a good idea, Nong." He crouches down and looks up at him. "I want to be your friend first before I become your faen. I want to be the kind of lover who already knows how to take care of you." 

Gulf can only stare. How does he breathe after hearing something like that? He wants to reach out and touch his cheek, wants to run his fingers through P'Mew's hair. "How can you say something like that, Khun Phi," he whispers, "and expect me to not kiss you?" 

His senior stands back up. His eyes are soft and a little sad. "I can wait if you can."

_____________________

"You went on a date?" 

Gulf sighs and pours more soap into the mold. "It was just hot pot." 

"Just the two of you?"

He looks up from his work. "Well, yeah. Should we have invited other people?" 

"I don't know." Kaprao dips his finger into the bowl and tastes it. "Hmm."

"Wait, isn't this soap?" 

"No, we're making chocolate bars now." 

"Oh." Gulf can never keep up with their activities. He just shows up and does as he's told. "Was it this weird for you and Fon when you broke up and became friends?" 

Kaprao pours more chocolate into the molds. "Yes. We even slept together a few more times before we calmed down."

"I see."

"Which I guess is your equivalent of making out in parking lots." He giggles and dodges Gulf's half-hearted swat. 

"What was the hardest adjustment for you?" 

His junior sighs and hops up on the counter. "Not being able to hold her."

And there it is. He clears a space and joins him. "I miss being held." Instinctively, he reaches for his stomach. He can't even remember the last time Mew touched it. "How did you deal?" 

Kaprao swings his legs back and forth. "Oh, you know. Hugged a pillow at night, ate a bunch of junk food, and learned three languages at the same time."

"Um...I own a pillow."

"There you go!" 

______________________

They spend Saturday at the Chatuchak Weekend Market in section 27: books. Gulf isn't sure why he suggested it. He's not big on shopping, but it's a heavily crowded area where they should be able to control themselves better. 

Gulf finds a book that has Ancient Greek written on one page and the English translation on the other page. It's a collection of old poems. He flips open to a fragment by Sappho. 

"What's this word na?" He points to the English. 

Mew pauses for a second. He looks up at the ceiling and mutters to himself. "Trying to think of the best equivalent." He looks back at him and purses his lips. "Probably like… kwaam yàak." _Longing._

"Kwaam yàak," Gulf repeats. He reads the English out loud. 

_You came and I was crazy for you._

_And you cooled my mind that burned with longing._

Mew studies him with an expression that Gulf has only seen a few times. As if he's trying to figure him out. "Do you want it?" He asks. 

"Alai na?"

"The book," he says, nodding at it. "What did Yai Nong think I was talking about?" 

"Aow." He puts it back on the shelf. "No, it's okay. English is weird enough in prose."

Mew places a hand on his back as they navigate through the crowd. He pulls away with a sheepish look once they reach an open area. "Sorry na." 

When they reach the food stalls in section 26, Gulf grabs Mew by the arm. "Crispy pork dead ahead." He looks down at his hands around Mew's sleeve. "Oh." He lets go and turns away from him. Damnit. 

They walk around with their food, Gulf eating his crispy pork from a small styrofoam container. "Thanks for lunch na, Phi." 

"I'm the phi and you're the nong, remember? I don't make the rules." he holds out his chicken skewer for Gulf to taste. "Mmgh." 

He leans forward to take a bite, but catches himself. "Maybe I shouldn't," he says. 

Mew sighs and hands him the skewer. "Then you hold it na. It's good." 

Gulf ends up eating the whole thing. 

"This was fun." Gulf stands next to his car, shifting his weight back and forth. "I think we did a good job today."

Mew nods, hands in his pocket. Probably so he won't be tempted to touch him. "Is it getting easier for Yai Nong?" 

"Maybe?" Gulf thinks about last night and the two pillows he stacked behind him to feel like someone was holding him. "You?" 

His senior winces. "No. Not really." He looks at the ground. "I don't want you to feel bad about this plan. But since you wanted us to be honest with each other, the truth is I miss holding you." 

Gulf's mouth has gone dry. He can't stand the prickling at the back of his neck or the tingle at his fingertips. Most of all, he can't stand the empty space around him that P'Mew used to occupy. 

"I've been chilly lately," Gulf confesses. "Not cold like whenever we fight. More like I feel exposed." 

Gulf can see the strain that his phi is exerting. His arms are tense, as if he's trying to stop himself from reaching out. His eyes darken and his brow wrinkles. "I hope it goes away soon, Nong." 

"I guess we should go na." 

"Yeah."

"I'll talk to you later." 

"Text when you get home?" P'Mew asks with concern. "So I know you made it back safely." 

Gulf smiles. He wants to pull his senior in by his shirt and kiss him senseless. Honestly, the kinds of things he says. Will he ever get used to being cared for this much? "I'll video call you," says Gulf, waving and getting into his car. 

_____________________

"The orthodontist kept making jokes that I wouldn't be able to chew gum or eat sticky candy. Eventually I told him I don't like sweets." 

Mew falls back with laughter. He looks into the camera and smiles. "How long did it go on before you told him?" 

Gulf lets out a small, infectious giggle. "A few months." 

Mew wipes the tears from his eyes from laughing too hard. "Did he think you were lying?" 

"Yes!" Gulf brings his phone close to his face. "He winked at me and said it's okay if I eat a little, just be careful about my braces." He ruffles his hair and stares at his senior on the screen. He looks so comfortable lying on the couch. It reminds Gulf of the time they laid in each other's arms after he confessed. 

"To this day, does he still think you were lying?" 

He scrunches his nose and laughs. "No, I had my mom tell him it was true." 

Mew looks at him through the phone, his eyes softening and his mouth curling into a smile. "Thanks for sharing." 

Gulf returns the smile. "It's what friends do."

___________________

_Gulf padded toward his senior in the lobby outside the workshop room. It was much too early in the morning to function. He pushed him into the nearest armchair and plopped himself down in his lap._

_"Oomph." P'Mew's arms wrapped around his waist. "Why can't you be more gentle na?"_

_Gulf leaned back completely and rested his head on Mew's shoulder. "Mai." No._

_His co-star chuckled and hugged him even closer. "I asked why, not if you could."_

_He only patted Mew's hand and snuggled against him for a nap. He'd said everything he cared to say. He hoped he would drift off while still in his state of "I don't give a fuck," but he never knew when it would wear off. Sometimes he wished it wouldn't, so he could always initiate touch with his phi. But with increased alertness always came increased inhibitions._

_Mew gave up on trying to get an answer out of him. He leaned his head against Gulf's and sighed. Was it a contented sigh or a frustrated one?_

_"Does Khun Phi want me to be more gentle?"_

_Mew rubbed his cheek against his ear. "No. This makes it worth it."_

Gulf wakes up underneath his stack of pillows. He burrows further, chasing the warmth. What's wrong with him? Surely he can't be this addicted to Mew's touch. It's not like heartache or rejection. Mew loves him. He _loves_ him. The touch can wait. 

Can't it? 

He emerges and wraps his arms around the pillows. The fullness in his arms brings him comfort and he wonders if this will be enough until… Shia, until what? How will he know they're ready? At this rate, he's liable to give in just for a hug. He and Mew have gotten so used to holding each other. It feels unnatural to keep their distance. It's even started to hurt. He shoves his covers off him and scrambles out of bed. 

___________________

"Alai wa?"

Gulf nods at Mew through the screen. His mouth is foamy as he continues to brush his teeth. He holds up his finger while he gargles. "I want to come over to your condo." 

Mew stops combing his hair to look down at his phone. "I was afraid that's what you said. I don't think it's a good idea, Yai Nong." 

Gulf gags while brushing his tongue. "Ugh! Ah. Hold on." He rinses his mouth and leaves the bathroom. "I have a plan, okay?" 

Mew works a bit of styling product through his hair. "Why does that sentence scare me?" 

He rolls his eyes. "Trust me. Can I come over or what?" 

Mew's eyes wander around the bathroom. "I guess. I'll text you the address." 

___________________

Gulf stares at Mew's door before ringing the bell. He didn't think he'd see Mew's place for a while, but then again, he didn't think friendship would be this hard. 

Mew opens the door and looks at him as if seeing him for the first time. He shakes out of his trance and ushers him inside. 

The condo is simultaneously what Gulf expected and didn't expect. Plenty of natural light- expected. Big TV- expected. Lots of books on the shelf - expected. Everything neat and tidy- expected. He notices the kitchen table and the mess of papers and half empty glasses and dishes all over it- unexpected. A giant teddy bear on the couch- unexpected. A ceramic ashtray- definitely unexpected. 

"P'Mew, do you smoke?" 

His senior startles. "Is that your plan?" He follows Gulf's line of sight to the ashtray. "Oh. I made that in art class when I was a kid. It's for sunflower seed shells." He points to the bag on the table. 

Gulf breathes a sigh of relief. "Um. Khun Phi, I want you to hold me." 

Mew's mouth falls open. He squints at him and makes a confused noise. "Alai wa?" 

Gulf steps closer. "It's what we do, Khun Phi. It's how we are." He reaches for his hand and places it around his waist. "We're trying to do friendship the way other people do it, but that's not us. And that's why it's hard." 

Mew smiles and slides his other arm around him. "It's not us, huh?" 

He shakes his head. "We've always been close, even before we fell in love. Why should we change that now that we're even closer to being together?" 

Mew's eyes are perfect half moons. His smile fills Gulf with a rush of warmth that spreads down to his toes. "Did you just say we're in love?" 

Shia. He laughs at Mew's teasing noises and rests his weight against his senior. "Why am I always the one admitting it?"

"Because I'm trying to behave," says Mew. He pulls him close and sighs with relief. "You have no idea how great this feels." 

Gulf wraps his arms around Mew's neck. "Yes, I do." 

They hug for what most people would consider a long time. But for Gulf, he knows it will never be enough. He pulls back eventually, arms still around Mew's neck. 

"Skinship will always be part of us, Khun Phi. I don't think we should stop it." 

"You think we can handle it?" He raises an eyebrow. 

Gulf leads them over to the couch and pushes P'Mew down to sit. He plops himself down on his lap. 

"Oomph." Mew groans but wraps his arms around Gulf anyway. 

"We're fine now, aren't we?" Asks Gulf. He adjusts to look at him. "When we tried not to touch each other, it became a temptation. But this is normal for us." 

Mew squishes at his belly. "Fuck, I missed you."

"You've seen me this whole time." 

"Not you," says Mew. He points to Gulf's stomach. "I missed _that_." 

They watch a movie together. Gulf starts off in his lap, but they end up in many different positions. Sometimes with Gulf resting his head on Mew's shoulder, sometimes with Mew's legs thrown over Gulf's lap. But always touching. It's just their way. 

"Yai Nong?" 

"Hmm?"

"Gulf." Mew pokes his cheek. 

He opens his eyes. "Alai na, Phi?" 

"You fell asleep." 

He nods. He knows. "Nap," he grumbles. 

"Alai na?"

"Nap," he repeats, pulling Mew down on top of him. 

"Gulf, we're not going to fit." 

He groans and tumbles off the couch. "Lie down," he says, pointing at the space he was in. 

Mew sighs and does as he's told. "Should I get on my side?" 

Gulf shakes his head. He crawls on top of him and lies against his chest. "How's this?" 

Mew wraps his arms around him. "Perfect." 

"Good," says Gulf. He yawns and snuggles up. "Now sshh. It's nap time." 


	2. P'Gulf and N'Mew

Mew chuckles as he watches Gulf finish off the chicken skewer. He eats like a fucking barbarian sometimes and Mew has absolutely no idea why he's so captivated by it. He takes the stick from him and throws it away. It's been a good day at the Chatuchak Weekend Market.

He buys them bottles of water to wash down their lunch. "Are you ready na for tomorrow?"

Gulf nods, albeit not confidently. "I think it will be fun."

Mew isn't convinced. "You'll be great. You're the athletic one, anyway."

"Aow, just football." Gulf takes a sip of water. "KAZZ Sport Day is more like field day, right? Like races and games?"

Mew doesn't need reminding. He can already hear the chicken dance in his head. It's like being a college freshman all over again. "It'll be fun."

Gulf looks down at the ground and nods. "We'll be in front of all those people, Phi. I guess it's a good thing we've been practicing not touching, huh?"

They lean against a wall to finish their waters. Mew's bottle is perspiring onto his hands, and he wipes some of the condensation onto his neck to cool off. It's a hot Saturday, and now all this talk of the KAZZ Sport Day has him sweating. Not to mention the unbearable strain of not touching Gulf.

"We'll be fine," he tells his junior. "We'll be so busy with everything that we won't even notice we're not touching." It's what he hopes, anyway.

"No interviews, right?"

"Shouldn't be."

Gulf nods and Mew can see the relief wash over him. He knows all too well how nervous his Yai Nong gets during interviews. They haven't done many, but he's seen enough from his junior to know it could be a problem once they start promoting the show.

"Do you remember, Khun Phi, that I have a fanmeet in Manila next week?"

He startles for a moment. "I forgot how close it was. How do you feel?"

He sighs and kicks at the ground. "They want me to sing na, Phi. Why do they always want actors to sing?"

Mew laughs and shakes his head. "Because you can't kick a football around the stage."

"Watch me."

"You'll be fine, Nong." He squeezes his shoulder before pulling back awkwardly. "Sorry."

Gulf doesn't seem to notice. In fact, he steps closer and leans his head against him. "I wish you could be there, Phi." He looks off into space and sighs. "I just get so nervous, you know?"

"I know." But what can he do? He can't very well fly off to Manila. Can he? No, he definitely shouldn't. "It's a good choice for your first fan meet, though. Everything will be in English, so just pretend you don't understand the question if you need more time to think of an answer."

He straightens back up and nods. "First, we have to get through KAZZ Sport Day."

______________________

It's weird saying goodbye to Gulf. He knows he'll see him tomorrow, but Mew can't help but feel like every time is the last time. He still can't forget that kiss in the studio parking lot, the way Gulf's lips felt against his own. It was the first time they ever kissed as Mew and Gulf. And the last time, for a while, anyway.

"This was fun." Gulf stands next to his car, shifting his weight back and forth. "I think we did a good job today."

Mew nods, hands in his pocket. It's the only way he can think of to avoid touching him. "Is it getting easier for Yai Nong?"

"Maybe?" Gulf rubs his arms. "You?"

"No. Not really." He looks at the ground. He doesn't want to say anything, but he knows Gulf won't forgive him if he doesn't speak up. "I don't want you to feel bad about this plan. But since you wanted us to be honest with each other, the truth is I miss holding you."

Gulf stares at him. What is that look in his eyes? "I've been chilly lately," he confesses. "Not cold like whenever we fight. More like I feel exposed."

It almost hurts, not having Gulf in his arms. Like something's been snatched from him and left him empty. He's not chilly like Gulf, just _yearning._ His entire body is tense, wanting to reach out for him and give him warmth. It's all he ever wants to do. "I hope it goes away soon, Nong."

It doesn't look like the reply Gulf was hoping for, Mew can tell. But he can't keep giving in to him. He _always_ gives in to him. "I guess we should go na," Gulf says.

"Yeah."

"I'll talk to you later."

"Text when you get home?" Mew can't help it. Friends can be concerned for each other, can't they? "So I know you made it back safely."

Gulf smiles. It's warm and genuine and he looks almost surprised. Doesn't he know how much Mew cares about him? "I'll video call you," he says, waving and getting into his car.

Mew waves back and walks away. He can't stand to watch him drive off. His own car is nearby, but he goes back toward the market to section 27.

"Sawadee-khrab," he greets the book merchant from earlier. The collection of Greek poems is still where Gulf left it. He hasn't been able to get those lines out of his head.

_You came and I was crazy for you,_

_And you cooled my mind that burned with longing._

He smiles at the merchant and holds up the book. "Best price?"

______________________

Mew walks into the blue team dressing room for the dreaded KAZZ Sport Day. For once he didn't arrive early. The last thing he wants is to be the 28 year old standing by himself around a bunch of teens and young stars, everyone wondering what someone his age is doing there. It's awkward enough when people find out his character is a 19 year old.

Mild waves him over. He's got his arm around Mark Siwat and a glint in his eyes. So, this is what Mild looks like when he's on the hunt.

"By the way," says Mild. "Our little co-star is hiding somewhere. You might want to wake him up."

Mew nods and looks around the room. If he were Gulf, where would he hide? Not near the door, obviously. But also not directly across from the door. He sees a fake tree in a corner that looks slightly out of place. Bingo.

"You moved this thing, didn't you?" Mew peeks around it to find Gulf sitting on the floor.

"Not far," he says. He's not even defensive about it. He's distracted by his phone.

"Good morning, khrab."

"Mmgh."

Mew sighs and sits next to him. He isn't Grumpy Gulf, but he's definitely _a_ grumpy Gulf. "Did you eat?"

"No."

He tosses a granola bar at him. "Thought so. Here na."

He tears it open with his teeth and eats absentmindedly, eyes glued to the screen. Mew scoots closer to see what he's watching.

"Is that… School Rangers?" Mew's only seen a few episodes, but the show is easy enough to identify. Groups of GMMTV stars split into different colored teams and compete in games.

Gulf's eyes are laser focused. "Shai. Schoolympics episode. I've been watching them all night to get an idea of what we're doing today."

Mew tries not to laugh, but it's hard when his adorable Nong is so serious about research. is this what he was like when he watched all that gay porn? He watches as the entire yellow team competes at jump rope.

"Is that…" he sighs and leans his head against the wall. "Is that Singto in the back?"

"Shai."

"Figures…"

Gulf finally looks up. "What's wrong, Phi?"

"No, nothing." He snatches Gulf's half eaten granola bar and takes a bite.

"Aow." Gulf grabs it back and finishes it. "You don't like Singto?"

"Everyone likes Singto."

"Then why-"

Mew leans forward until he and Gulf are almost touching. " _Everyone_ likes Singto." He looks pointedly at him.

Gulf stares for a moment before his face breaks into a grin. "Is Khun Phi jealous naja?"

Jealous _naja_. Now he's trying to be cute about it? "You tell me if I should be jealous that the person I love has a crush on Singto the man collector." He can't help the sulky expression that takes over his face. "Is it a harmless little crush, or would you be with him if he were interested?"

Gulf's eyes are round and surprised. His ears slowly turn red and he looks away almost bashfully. "I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing that." He bounces his leg up and down. "It's just a little crush, P'Mew. You're the only one I want to be with."

Now it's Mew's face that rushes with blood. He doesn't think he'll get used to hearing that, either. Gulf wants to be with him. He knows it's true, he just doesn't understand _why_ it's true.

"If that's the case…" he leans forward to catch Gulf's eye. "I think it's cute. Can I tell you a secret?"

He raises an eyebrow in response.

"I have a little crush on Krist."

Gulf nods and smiles. "Rounded eyes and pouty lips." He nudges him with his elbow. "Khun Phi has a type."

Mew groans and hides his face in his hands. "Stop. You know I'm crazy about your chestnut lips." He stands and puts his hands in his pockets. "We have to go. Don't smile at me like that, you brat. Let's get this over with."

Gulf stands and smirks. "Yes, Khun Phi."

________________

They've asked Mew to be the flag bearer for the opening ceremony. Bosser said it's because he's one of the more famous celebrities on the blue team. Be that as it may, it only makes him stand out even more. He's got to be the oldest one there. The last time he felt this insecure about his age was at casting. And yet, wasn't he the one chosen to play Tharn? Wasn't he the one Gulf picked out of all the other, younger actors?

He tries not to look around too much once the teams settle down. Especially not… well, he doesn't want to think about it. He knows somewhere out there is a face he doesn't want to see right now. Not this soon and maybe not ever. It's one of the many reasons he just wants today to end.

He sees Gulf leaning forward to study him. He's worried, no doubt. He turns to him and smiles to tell him it's okay. It's not, and Gulf knows, but he nods to show that he understands. Warmth gathers in the center of his chest, bathing the bloom of his heart with light. He remembers those days on set, wondering if they'd ever be able to communicate wordlessly, to know each other's gestures and expressions so accurately that they might as well be talking. And now here they are.

Still, he misses the days on set when he could back hug or pull him into his lap. When they embraced after every scene to come home to each other, as Gulf called it.

Because at some point Gulf did become his home.

He's reminded of the American poet, Robert Frost. _And miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep._ How much longer until this separation becomes bearable?

The day oscillates between frantic games and sitting around. As predicted, it's easy to abide by their no-touching policy when they're busy keeping a beach ball in the air or playing tug of war. It's the waiting around that's torturous, trying to avoid conversation because it means looking into those captivating Bambi eyes. Trying to keep his hands busy while every fiber of his being wants to feel Gulf's skin.

He can see the restraint from Gulf, as well. He can see it in the way he crosses his arms and fidgets around. But it's hard whenever Gulf hovers so close to him, as if trying to protect him from something. Or _someone_. Should he tell him there's nothing to worry about? That it's not as bad as he thinks? Just another person in the sea of people. But would it be a lie?

"If I never have to do the chicken dance again, I'd be okay with that," he says to Mild.

He chuckles back. "Then don't play another university student."

"That would be good, too." He laughs, knowing full well that Gulf is within earshot, but making no effort to include him.

Near the end of the day, he feels someone tap him on the shoulder. He turns to see Gulf looking very much like Type. "Are you upset with me?" he asks.

"I'm sorry," is all he can say.

"I don't want an apology," he corrects. "I want to know you're doing this to avoid touching me, and not because I did something wrong."

Mew startles, caught off guard by Gulf's clear understanding of the situation. But then again, he's always more perceptive than he seems. "It's to avoid touching you."

He shrugs and gives him a wistful smile. "Seems like a good strategy." He squirms a bit in his place. "Are you okay na? About… everything else?"

Mew takes a deep breath. "It's fine. I wish you wouldn't let it bother you."

Gulf raises an eyebrow. "You tell me if I'm supposed to care that the person I love is in an awkward situation."

Mew's entire body goes tingly. God, he'll never get used to hearing Gulf admit it. Especially as often as he has so far. But didn't he say he would do that? Didn't he say he wouldn't hold back if he loved somebody? What was it he said on the cliff at Samet Island?

_I think if I loved someone, I would tell them often. That's because I don't see it as being romantic na. If I love someone, it's a fact. I'm not trying to keep it secret._

He's smiling now. Smiling so big because in this loud gymnasium, among people he doesn't know, avoiding someone from his past while also avoiding the person who is his future, he gets to hear Gulf Kanawut tell him he loves him.

___________________

_Mew looked out at the collection of tents. There were bright lights and vibrant colors everywhere. Stalls of sunglasses and tee shirts. Watches. Cell phone cases. He recognized it as the Indy Market at Pratunam._

_A shot glass. He needed a Bangkok shot glass, as touristy as he could find. Something bright and tacky and probably not made in Thailand._

_He walked around the stalls, hearing bits and pieces of English conversations. Tourists. Exchange students. Mostly haggling. Some asking directions or admiring the goods. Other languages, too. Korean, Mandarin, Tagalog, Malay._

_Shot glass. He needed a shot glass._

_He reached a shop that sold cups and mugs. He made Wai to the woman. "Sawadee-khrab. Do you have any shot glasses?"_

_She pointed to a shelf at the far end of her stall. At the very bottom. Shot glasses. He approached the shelf, but as he did, the very air around him faded into black and he was home at his parents' house._

_A blender sat before him on the kitchen counter. Another smoothie? He sighed and went to the fridge for yogurt and fruit. As always, he had neither. A milkshake, perhaps. But no milk, no ice cream._

_"N'Jom?" He called out. "Have you seen the yogurt?"_

_He checked every counter and pantry shelf for fruit of some kind. Canned peaches, perhaps. Evaporated milk instead of yogurt. Something to make anything resembling a smoothie._

_The kitchen lights flickered and he was sitting in his car. "Fuck, I can't see the road." He squinted, but there was nothing but black space where there should have been a street._

_He was in Bangkok, that was for sure. Nothing looked familiar, but he knew it was Bangkok in the way you could always tell where you were in dreams. The street signs were written in symbols he didn't recognize, but it didn't matter because he didn't know where he was going. He was simply driving._

____________________

Mew stares at Gulf on his phone screen. "Alai wa?"

Gulf nods at him. His mouth is foamy as he brushes his teeth. So cute. "I want to come over to your condo."

Mew stops combing his hair and stares at him. "I was afraid that's what you said. I don't think it's a good idea, Yai Nong."

Gulf gags while brushing his tongue. "Ugh! Ah. Hold on." He rinses his mouth and leaves the bathroom. "I have a plan, okay?"

Mew works a bit of styling product through his hair. He takes longer than necessary to give himself time to think. "Why does that sentence scare me?"

Gulf rolls his eyes. "Trust me," he says. His eyes gleam with confidence and it sets something ablaze in his stomach. "Can I come over or what?"

Mew's eyes wander around the bathroom. Can he ever say no to his Yai Nong? "I guess. I'll text you the address."

He hangs up and looks around his condo. Should he clean up? He already keeps it quite tidy. Except for the kitchen table. He tends to leave a disaster area wherever he studies. But maybe he should keep it. Better for Gulf to see how he really lives and to show him his flaws. He keeps his teddy bear on the couch, too. Nong Ice Cream has been his television buddy for years.

He runs a hand through his hair and pours a glass of water. His throat has gone dry. Whatever Gulf's plan is, it better be a good one.

_____________________

Mew can hardly believe his luck. Gulf is in his home and in his arms, smiling at him with that radiant glow that makes the bloom in his heart bask in sunlight. Gulf, so soft and warm in his embrace, the way he's missed so much that it hurt.

"Skinship will always be part of us, Khun Phi. I don't think we should stop it."

How true his words are. It's been their way from the start. "You think we can handle it?" He raises an eyebrow.

Gulf leads them over to the couch and pushes him down to sit. Fuck, does he have any idea how much of a turn on that is? He settles himself down roughly on his lap.

"Oomph." Mew groans but wraps his arms around Gulf anyway. He's used to rough by now.

"We're fine now, aren't we?" Asks Gulf. He adjusts to look at him. "When we tried not to touch each other, it became a temptation. But this is normal for us."

Normal for _us._ He likes the way that sounds. His hands reach around until they settle on the one place he hasn't given enough attention to. His tummy. It feels soft and delicious in his hands. So squishy and delectable. "Fuck, I missed you." He gives it a nice, firm squeeze.

"You've seen me this whole time."

"Not you," says Mew. He points to Gulf's stomach. "I missed _that_." He has to make up for lost time.

They watch a movie together. They touch the entire time, in one position or another. It feels comfortable this way. Something about the weight or pressure or warmth from Gulf puts him at ease and makes him feel like he's at home. Because with Gulf, he is.

The credits roll and Mew stretches in his seat. His hand falls back onto Gulf's legs stretched over his lap and he pats them fondly. The sound of heavy breathing confirms what Mew has suspected for the last thirty minutes: his Yai Nong has fallen asleep.

Mew didn't think he'd get to see Gulf asleep for a while. Not since the last time he fucked things up at the campsite. He smiles now at his junior. What he wouldn't give to sleep next to him again. Gulf smacks his lips, making a soft whiny sound that causes Mew's chest to spasm. He's so fucking cute he just wants to squeeze him. All the time.

"Yai Nong?"

"Hmm?"

"Gulf." Mew pokes his cheek.

He opens his eyes. "Alai na, Phi?" His grumpy expression makes Mew's heart skip. He's missed his Grumpy Gulf.

"You fell asleep."

He nods. "Nap," he grumbles.

"Alai na?"

"Nap," he repeats, pulling Mew down on top of him.

He tries not to panic, but the last time he was on top of Gulf was for a love scene. "Gulf, we're not going to fit."

His junior groans and tumbles off the couch. "Lie down," he says, pointing at the space he was in. God, he's so cute when he's bossy.

Mew sighs and does as he's told. Like he can ever say no to him? "Should I get on my side?"

Gulf shakes his head. He crawls on top of him and lies against his chest. "How's this?"

Mew wraps his arms around him. He really shouldn't. Not with his dreams still acting weird. But even in his grumpy state, he knows Gulf is capable of making decisions. And if he trusts him enough to nap with him again, who is he to deny his nong? "Perfect," he whispers.

"Good," says Gulf. He yawns and snuggles up. "Now sshh. It's nap time."

_He wanted milk. He hated it here, being forced to eat this weird cake that tasted nothing like cake and everything like puke. He wanted his mom to pick him up from school and let him drink milk in the car. His teachers were so mean._

_"Open na," said the teaching assistant._

_Mew crossed his arms and looked away. Couldn't they let him bring his own lunch to school? Their maid at home made great lunches, and she always gave him extra milk. She would never make him eat this food._

_Someone called the assistant's attention. A phone call. Good._

_"I'll be back, New." She pointed at the yucky cake. "I want to see that gone by the time I get back."_

_The other kids at his table laughed. "How come you're so fat if you never eat?" someone asked._

_"Maybe he ate so much he can't fit any more food in!"_

_Mew looked down at his tummy. It was just a little pudge, wasn't it? His mom said he wasn't fat. Just… plumpy. He looked at the stupid cake and picked it up. It felt gross in his hands._

_"I'm not fat!" He shouted. He stood on his chair and threw the cake up at the ceiling. It stuck with a dull shwump sound. The entire cafeteria erupted into laughter._

_Mew sat back in his seat and wiped his hands. He shushed everyone and gave them his scariest face._

_"If anyone tattles on me, I'll sit on you!"_

"No, don't sit on me."

 _Mew heard a faraway voice. It sounded so grown-up compared to the kids at the table._ _He looked around for the man who spoke to him._

_"Don't tell on me!"_

"OooOOooOoh, you're gonna be in trouble…"

_Mew felt his arms extending, growing longer until they were twice the length. He looked down and saw his entire body had grown and he was now wearing a suit. What was happening?_

_"Who are you?" He asked, and his voice was low and gruff. Was he a grown-up now? He rushed to the window and saw a man in his reflection._

_"Who are you?" He repeated?_

"I'm your phi, and I'm gonna tell the teacher that you were a bad boy."

_Mew made a fist and looked around again. Why did that voice sound so familiar? Who was this phi who was going to tattle on him?_

_"Please don't tell on me, Phi." He ran up and down the rows of tables. "The cake tasted yucky! Please don't tell!"_

"P'Mew!" Gulf shakes his shoulder.

Mew opens his eyes to the sight and sensation of Gulf bouncing on top of him. "Are you trying to hump me?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "No, I'm trying to shake you awake. But I didn't want to get up."

Of course. The brat. Mew readjusts him on his chest. "Can't breathe, Nong." He sighs with relief when Gulf redistributes his weight.

His junior giggles into his shoulder until he finally nudges him up. "What's so funny?"

His face and his ears are pink. "Just picturing how cute you must have been when you were chubby." He grabs at Mew's shirt and continues laughing.

Fuck. He remembers the dream now. He seizes Gulf's tummy and squishes it. "You brat! You were talking to me in my sleep, weren't you?"

Gulf shrieks and wriggles on top of him. "I'm gonna tell the teacher you were a bad boy!" He giggles while he tries to fight him off.

"You little snitch!" Mew wraps his arms around his waist and tries to flip them over. He doesn't succeed the first time, and his second attempt is made harder from all the laughter. He finally manages it and looks down at Gulf on the cushions.

His junior squirms beneath him with his big smile and his cute laugh. "I'm gonna tell! I'm gonna tell!"

"Snitches get stitches!" Mew struggles to restrain his arms. He's laughing so hard his eyes are watering. "I told you na. If you tell on me, I'm gonna sit on you!" He scrambles up and straddles him.

Gulf cries out and laughs until his face and ears are red. "Ugh, P'Mew is going to crush me!"

"Are you still gonna snitch?"

"Yes!"

Mew leans down and blows a raspberry into Gulf's neck. His adorable giggles fill the room. He sits back up and looks down at him. "Are you still gonna snitch?"

"Yes!"

Mew blows another raspberry. Gulf is ready for him this time, and he wraps his arms around Mew's neck and pushes them both off the couch.

"Yai Nong!" Mew lands on the flat of his back with all of Gulf's weight on top of him.

"Aha!" Gulf struggles to get up on his knees, straddling Mew's hips. "Ah! Yay! I win! I win!" He holds his arms up in victory.

Mew doesn't even fight him. He continues to lie on the floor, out of breath and exhausted. He laughs as best as he can with what little oxygen he has left. His hands rest on Gulf's thighs and he pats them in acknowledgement. "You win, P'Gulf. What do you want?"

Gulf presses a finger to his chin and tilts his head. "Hmm… cake."

"Cake?" Mew squints at him. "You don't like sweets."

He leans down, both of them still short of breath. "Cake for my chubby N'Mew." He smiles and gets off of him. "Come on." He helps him to his feet.

______________________

"The small chocolate cake with strawberries, please." Gulf points at the glass counter.

Mew stands off to the side in confusion. The little shit actually made him drive them to a bakery. And now he's really buying a cake?

"Home na," says Gulf, heading out with the tiny cake in its shiny pink box.

"Why did you buy me a cake?" He opens the car door for him.

"Because nobody should be forced to eat yucky cake that tastes like puke." He holds the box in his lap and plays with the ribbon.

They get back to the condo and Gulf looks around as if he's lost something. "N'Mew khrab, aren't you supposed to have a dog?"

He laughs and removes his shoes. "You just now noticed?"

"I had other things on my mind." He places the cake on the counter and starts clearing the kitchen table. "Nong is much messier than I imagined." He tsks and wags a finger at him.

Mew rolls his eyes. "I was up late studying last night." He helps him clear it. "That's why my sister stole Chopper."

"Stole him?"

"Uuuh." _Yeah_. "She stops by every now and then and steals him. My mom wants him to stay with them until I graduate. So I can concentrate on school."

Gulf nods and places the cake on the table. "No throwing it at the ceiling, okay na?"

Mew shakes his head and laughs. What a ridiculous little Nong he has. Ridiculous but sweet. Gulf unties the ribbon and opens the box. It's such a tiny cake, the perfect size since only one of them will be eating it.

His junior holds out his hand. "Fork."

"Alai na?" Mew hands it to him. "I thought you weren't going to eat any?"

Gulf scoffs and scoops the first bite. "I'm not." He holds the fork out for Mew to eat. "Aaaaaaah."

Because of course. Mew rolls his eyes and takes a bite. Gulf has given him a serving with a piece of strawberry, and the crisp sweetness breaks open in his mouth. The cake is soft and delicate, and the chocolate is rich. Has cake ever tasted this yummy before?

Gulf grins at him. "Good?"

"Good."

"Which is tastier," he asks, "the cake or me?"

"The cake, definitely." Mew gives him a smug face. Like he didn't see that shit coming.

"Hm." Gulf takes a bite for himself, smacking his lips like he's tasting wine. "Anyway, were you really chubby at one point?"

"Huh?" He opens his mouth to speak, but Gulf shoves another helping of cake in it.

"Sounds so cute. Are there pictures?"

Mew nods as he finishes his bite. "My mom has them."

Gulf takes a napkin and dabs at the corner Mew's mouth. "Tell me more about baby Mew."

"Well, for starters, my real nickname is New."

"Alai wa?"

____________________

The condo feels empty when Gulf goes home. Colder, too. All the life and warmth is gone, and Mew is left by himself. Was it even real? Did he really spend the day with Gulf in his home, napping on the couch, roughhousing like school kids, and eating cake? It seems more like a dream.

He cleans up the takeout containers from their late lunch. Gulf insisted on staying to help, but Mew shooed him out. His sister was expecting him home to help with some video project anyway. If it hadn't been for that, how long might he have stayed? If he had asked to spend the night, would Mew have let him?

He lies down on the couch and instantly regrets it. The sofa pillows smell like Gulf. Everything smells like Gulf. Hell, his shirt smells like him, too. He inhales the crisp scent of his shampoo and closes his eyes. How can he miss him already?

He pulls out his phone. They agreed early on they could each tell one person about everything.

** Mew **

You'll never guess what happened today

** Mild **

Ugh, did Joss text you, too? Tell him I don't have his silk boxers.

** Mew **

Alai wa? No. Gulf.

** Mild **

How does Joss have Gulf's number?

** Mew **

No, forget Joss

** Mild **

Bitch, I've tried. Have you seen that body?

** Mew **

Gulf came over today and we slept together and he fed me cake

** Mild **

Aw, congrats! Your dreams are getting better!

** Mew **

It wasn't a dream

** Mild **

ALAI WA?!?!

** Mew **

Shia. I meant napped. We napped together.

** Mild **

Is he still there?

** Mew **

No, he just left

** Mild **

omw

Oh, and if Joss does text you…

** Mew **

You don't have his silk boxers. Got it.

** Mild **

😘

Mild lets himself into the condo. He's out of breath and frantic. "Tell me everything! Wait! I have to pee!" He rushes to the restroom. "Tell me through the door!"

Mew groans and follows him to the hallway. "He called this morning and said he had some plan."

"What?"

"A plan!" Mew shakes his head. "I'll just wait."

"No, I can hear you na. What was this plan?"

"He said we shouldn't avoid skinship just because we're friends."

"You shouldn't what?" He flushes the toilet.

Mew opens his mouth to respond, but the sound of the sink drowns him out. What was the whole point of this? "I'll just wait." He shouts through the door.

"I can't hear you!" Says Mild. "Just wait na, okay?"

Mew sighs and walks back to the living room. Why is this his life? He hugs the couch pillow close to him, smelling the shampoo scent of Gulf.

Mild hops onto the sofa. "So, you fucked?" He scrambles back up. "Ew, was it here?"

Mew throws the pillow at him. "Yes, it was here, but we didn't fuck. We napped."

Mild laughs and tries to measure the width of the cushions with his hands. "Now how did you two manage to fit on this thing?" He looks at the expression Mew gives him. "Oh-ho-ho! P'Mew, you rascal! Tell me everything, thilak." He plops back down on the couch and grins.

__________________

The _scritch-scratch_ of Mild filing his nails echoes in the kitchen. "Let me do yours na, big boy." He admires his hand. "Can't have you scratching that poor boy's insides, can we?"

Mew rolls his eyes. "Why did I choose to tell you?"

"Because P'Pee is busy on a new job, P'Fasai would try to micromanage, and P'Run is ironically too mild." He winks at him. "Admit it, you love my wit."

"There's no risk of me scratching him."

"Not when I'm through with you." He brandishes his emery board.

"I think he's right, though." Mew gives him his hand to manicure. "Once we let ourselves touch each other again, it was like everything went back to normal."

"Pretty and brilliant. You sure know how to pick them."

"I think this can work. I think we can actually be friends this way."

Mild blows at the shavings. "So, how are you two going to determine that you're all better? You still dreaming about your exes?"

"Not since… you know." He shakes his head. "I told Gulf he would be the one to decide."

"So, you don't have a way to measure your progress?"

"What would you suggest?"

Mild tsks at him. "Amateurs." He reaches for one of Mew's notebooks and a pen. "You should account for several factors: quality of sleep, dream content, sensitivity to ex, level of independence, and loneliness factor."

"Have you thought about this before?"

Mild gives him a look. "You think I lie awake at night worried about your love life?" He laughs and pats him on the shoulder. "Cus you're right. God, you're hopeless."

"Oh, and your love life is perfect na?"

"Come on," he says with a grin. "You and I both know I have Joss's silk boxers."

____________________

"P'Mild is there right now?" Gulf looks shy all of a sudden.

"Yeah, he wants to keep track of these new kinds of dreams. He thinks it might be progress."

Gulf nods on the screen. "Um, who else comes and… sleeps with you?"

Mew startles at the question. Is Gulf jealous? "Um, you want the whole list?"

The tips of Gulf's ears are just starting to turn red. "Is it that long of a list na, Phi?"

Mew runs a hand through his hair. "Is five people a long list?"

Gulf's face seems to imply yes. "Five people have come and slept… next to you?"

"Well, no. Just the guys."

"They-they're not all guys?" Gulf's shows faint traces of distress. "I mean, does that, you know, matter, Phi?"

Shia, he's stumbling over his words. It means he's nervous. "Well, you know I would never share a bed with my ex girlfriend, I promise."

Gulf's eyes go wide. "One of them is your ex girlfriend?"

Fuck, he never told him about Fasai. Mew gapes at him through the screen, unable to speak. What could he possibly say? "Uh…"

Gulf's eyes dart around the room. "Um, I think I… I think I should… I should probably go na, Phi."

"No, Gulf, wait."

He sighs and looks down. "I'm tired, P'Mew." His voice is small and weary. Shia. How does he keep doing this to Gulf? How does he keep making him feel bad?

"It's not how it seems." He scrambles for the words. "It's kind of like you with Poom."

"You didn't really date her?"

"Well, I did…"

"Let's just talk about this later. Call me in the afternoon?"

Mew winces. "I have class. What about in the morning?"

"Class."

"Evening?"

Gulf's eyes turn cold. "Won't you be busy with your bedmate?"

"Gulf." Something simmers in his stomach. Doesn't he realize all of this trouble was for him in the first place?

"I wouldn't- wouldn't want to interrupt your slumber party with your ex girlfriend."

Mew suddenly remembers how much he hates it when Gulf gets this way. "It's not like that, Yai Nong."

He shrugs. "Well, maybe one day you'll feel like being honest with me."

"Damnit, Gulf," Mew takes a deep breath. "I already told you my friends were taking turns staying over to help me with my dreams."

"You didn't say who."

"You didn't ask."

"It didn't occur to me that one of them could be your ex girlfriend! I didn't even know you dated any women, Phi." His ears are bright red now and he won't make eye contact.

Mew falls back onto his couch and sighs. "I like both. I thought you knew."

Gulf is silent for a bit. He stares off into space and Mew knows he's gone somewhere he can't reach him. "I can't help but wonder how little I know about you, Khun Phi."

He closes his eyes. "What is it you want to know, Gulf? You want to know about my exes? You want to hear all the stupid mistakes I made?" He opens his eyes to find Gulf staring at him with an expression of heartache. "What do you want to know?"

"I told you, damnit." Gulf's eyes are pink and glossy. "I want to know you better than anyone else."

Mew lets out the breath he was holding. "The five people are Mild, Run, P'Pee, Eye, and my ex, Fasai."

"P'Eye from the series?" Something flickers in Gulf's expression.

"Yes."

"The one you flirted with in front of me?"

Shia. This is turning into a fucking disaster. "Gulf…"

"I should've hung up a while ago."

"Then do it." Mew can't take this any longer. "If you can't see that this was all for you, then I can't make you understand. Everyone who helped me did it so we could be together."

Gulf's entire face is red now. "You spent all this time talking to everyone else about me, instead of just talking to me directly?" He wipes hastily at his eyes. "Do you ever plan on talking to me about us, or do you only talk to your friends behind my back?"

For fuck's sake. "Don't twist this, Gulf." Mew fights to suppress his anger. "If we hadn't fought at the campsite, would you have even confessed? You withheld a lot of stuff, too. And don't pretend you don't confide in Kaprao."

"One person, not five."

"I'm sorry that I need more help." He grits his teeth. "I warned you I was damaged."

"And I told you I wanted to help."

"What, you want to come monitor me?"

"Yes!"

Mew stares at the screen. Is he hearing him correctly? "Are you sure na?"

Gulf looks at him for a while, eyes squinted and eyebrows furrowed. "I'm your friend, too, right?"

"Yes."

"Then how's tomorrow night?"

Mew can only stare. Gulf is coming to spend the night tomorrow? He nods, because he has no words.

"Text me when you get out of class." His voice is low and flat. "I'll see you then, Phi."

"Goodnight."

Gulf ends the video call. Mew stares at his reflection on the black screen, trying to make sense of the emotions swirling inside of him. Trying to fathom Gulf's thoughts and feelings. He walks out to the living room, where Mild is listening to music with headphones. He waves to get his attention.

"What's up?"

"Is anyone supposed to stay over tomorrow?"

"What, you think I made a spreadsheet?" He sighs and pulls up his phone. "Because I did. You're hopeless. Tomorrow is… Fasai."

Ironic. Mew nods and heads for his bedroom. "Thanks na."

"Diao, diao…" _wait, wait_. Mild follows him. "Are you calling her to cancel?" He eyes him up and down.

"Yes."

"Is Gulf…?"

Mew sighs and leans against the dresser. "Yes."

"Oh-ho-ho!" Mild claps his hands. "Aren't you glad I filed your nails?" He wiggles his eyebrows.

Mew silences his giggles with a look. "I'm not going to fuck him, Mild. He wants to help, for some reason."

He sighs and pats him on the shoulder. "He wants to be included, you dummy. He's been an outsider to all of this."

"I'm nervous."

Mild chuckles and smacks his arm. "Just make sure you, you know…" he mimes jerking off, "...before he comes over. Wouldn't want to have any wet dreams with him next to you."

"Bye." He grabs a change of clothes and heads for the shower.

_____________________

Mew wakes up before his alarm. He usually does these days. It's weird not having to be on set so early. He gets dressed for the gym and joins Mild in the kitchen.

"Morning, beautiful." He raises a mug at him in greeting.

Mew nods and fills his water bottle. "Discover anything interesting from my dreams?"

"Yes but first let me ask you how you function without coffee every morning." He looks down at his mug and sighs. "Man can't live off instant alone."

Mew smirks at him. "You slave to caffeine." He tsks and shakes his head. "In any case, I'm calling off the dream monitoring. I haven't dreamt of an ex in a week na."

"And your boyfriend is going to start sleeping over."

"Quit."

Mild checks his watch. "Speaking of quitting, time for me to get to work." He straightens his tie and dumps the rest of his coffee in the sink. "Have a good sleepover." He winks and blows a kiss at Mew on his way out.

Mew blows a kiss back and sighs. A sleepover with Gulf. How will he ever survive tonight?


	3. Sleepover

Gulf looks around his room one last time. What is he supposed to bring to spend the night with P'Mew? He runs through what he's already packed. 

Sleep clothes

Underwear

Tomorrow's clothes

Toothbrush

Alum

Acne cream

Retainer case

Phone charger

He looks at his Suankularb Wittayalai pillow and his blue blanket. Should he bring them? He doesn't sleep with them in bed, and he doesn't anticipate sleeping on the couch again. Because… Shia, because he's going to sleep in the bed with P'Mew. 

He sits and takes a deep breath. This is different from napping, even when they've napped in a bed. It's different from the camping trip in the same sleeping bag. It's different from anything they've done before because it'll just be the two of them, at P'Mew's condo, in P'Mew's bed, all night long. 

He should probably masturbate before he heads over. 

______________________

It's just after sunset when Gulf arrives at the condo. P'Mew opens the door and all Gulf can do is stare at him. The bastard is dressed in jeans, a black tee, and his grey engineering work shirt. The famous Chulalongkorn University work shirt that's haunted his fantasies ever since he found out P'Mew's faculty. 

Gulf almost turns around and heads back to his car. He curls his fingers into a fist. "Why are you still dressed like that?" 

Mew looks down at himself. "It helps me stay in the zone when I study." He gestures for him to come inside. "If I change into house clothes, I get too comfortable to focus."

He enters the condo with apprehensive footsteps. Mew hasn't even noticed how the shirt is affecting him. Does he have any clue how hot he looks right now? Shia. 

He removes his shoes and looks around. "Where should I…?" He holds up his bag. 

"Bedroom?" Mew leads him to the back. 

Gulf isn't sure what he expected Mew's bedroom to look like. Expensive? But it's a normal bedroom. Medium wood furniture, plain bedsheets, plushies on a shelf. Is there a single room in P'Mew's condo that doesn't have toys in it? He's pretty sure he saw an action figure on the bathroom counter.

Gulf drops his bag near the dresser and tries not to stare at Mew in his work shirt. Especially in his bedroom, when all he can think about is grabbing him by the lapels and pulling him in for a kiss. Or sliding it off his shoulders and putting it on himself as he straddles… nevermind. He shakes his head. 

"Nong?"

"Huh?"

"I said did you eat yet?" 

He nods and walks out of the room. "Yeah… you said you were studying?" 

They sit at the cluttered kitchen table. Mew's flipping through his book and taking notes. He's not even reading the pages all the way through. 

"Is the great scholar Suppasit skimming his book?" 

He chuckles and shakes his head. "It's called SQ3R. It's a reading technique that keeps you actively engaged in the learning process." 

Gulf stands behind him and looks over his shoulder. "It looks like an outline." 

"Shai." He writes SQRRR down the side of the page. "It stands for Survey, Question, Read, Recite, and Review." 

"And where does the outline come in?" 

"I make the outline as I survey the chapter. I go through and write down anything important- key terms, main ideas, page numbers for diagrams. And I write any questions I think of."

Gulf reads one of the questions. _How is project management affected by outsourcing?_ "And then what?"

"Then I read the chapter, but I only read to answer my questions. It gives me something to focus on, instead of trying to absorb everything without knowing what's important." 

Gulf isn't sure when he started massaging Mew's shoulders, but he rubs at a particularly stubborn knot by his right shoulder blade. "Huh. Khun Phi is so smart."

"I just learned to study effectively." He crosses off the SQR on his page. "I recite by writing short summaries of what I read. If I can explain the whole chapter in a few paragraphs, it means I understand it. You always learn better from teaching." 

Gulf giggles. "Does Phi teach Chopper na?" 

"Sometimes." He chuckles and hums as Gulf moves on to his neck. "He's quite the expert at Gap Analysis." 

"And how do you review?" 

"I look at my outline and see if I can answer my original questions, if I can define the key terms and explain the main points in a few sentences." 

Gulf makes little karate chops along Mew's shoulders. "That seems like a lot of work." 

"But I only have to do it once," he says. His voice comes out in little stocattos from Gulf's karate chops. "I never re-read or re-write anything because I've already interacted with the material enough to understand it." 

He rubs his elbow on the persistent knot. "Mmm… talk nerdy to me, Phi."

Gulf doesn't have to look at him to know P'Mew is making his _I'm so done_ face. "You're the one who asked na." 

"Lo len, lo len!" _Just kidding_ , _just kidding._ He pats Mew on the back. "I'll give it a shot sometime." 

Gulf messes around on his phone while Mew finishes studying. Well, he pretends to, anyway. Truth be told, he's been scrolling mindlessly through some football forum, while secretly watching P'Mew. God, he's so hot in that shirt. How mad would he be if he just wiped everything off the table, climbed on top of it, and offered himself to Mew? Just a little study break, that's all. P'Mew twirls a pen around his fingers and the thought of what those fingers could do sends Gulf into overdrive. 

"P'Mew, can I have some water?" 

"Huh?" He looks up from his book, eyebrows drawn together, looking so handsome and studious. 

"Thirsty," is all he can say. And where is the lie? 

"Oh." P'Mew jumps up and grabs him a glass of water. "The pitcher is in the fridge if you want more. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen." 

_Does that include you?_ Gulf is so close to asking, but even his boldness has its limits. Wasn't this supposed to be easy now that they were allowed to touch again? It's got to be that damn engineer shirt. How long does P'Mew need to be in the zone before Gulf tears that shirt off him with his teeth? Or better yet, let him keep it on and just unzip his jeans… 

"Shia." He stands and heads for the front door. "I need air." He walks back to the table and chugs his water before leaving. 

Mew catches up with him at the elevators. "Gulf? What's the matter?" 

He sighs and leans his forehead against the wall. "I'm too weak for this, Phi." 

"Alai na?" Mew rubs his back. "What's wrong? Is it because I've been ignoring you? I just need to finish this chapter and then we can do something-"

"No." Gulf groans against the wallpaper. "I don't feel neglected, Phi. I feel… god, this is so embarrassing."

Mew leans in close. "Do you have diarrhea?"

Gulf laughs and rests his weight against his senior. "No. Shia. It's you. I mean, your shirt." He pulls back and runs a hand down the front of it. "It's driving me crazy, Phi." 

Something ignites in Mew's eyes. He reaches for Gulf's wrist and tugs him back to the condo. "I can fix this." 

Mew emerges from his bedroom wearing a green dinosaur onesie. "Better?" 

Gulf gives him a look. "Are you trying to get me to stay in your lap all night? Too cuddly." 

He shrugs and grins. "Worth a shot." He goes back and returns wearing a large grey tee shirt and joggers. "How's this?" 

Gulf pouts and crosses his arms. "I feel bad na."

"Aow." Mew pulls him in for a hug. "Alai na?"

He presses his face against Mew's shoulder. "You said you can't focus when you're in house clothes. And now you're in house clothes because of me." 

"Oho…" Mew rubs his back again. "It's fine. I'm almost done, anyway. Does my work shirt really affect you like that?" 

Gulf tightens his grip around Mew's waist. He nods against his shoulder, making P'Mew laugh. "Go easy on me na, Phi. I've never been this attracted to someone before." 

His fingers run through Gulf's hair. "Now you know how I felt at Samui during the Full Moon Party." 

"Samet.". 

"Samet, right." He chuckles. "And the boyfriend shirt? Shia, I can't even think about it right now."

Gulf turns to the side and grumbles, "Great, we solved the skinship issue, but we still have to deal with being horny." 

"You know I can hear you, right?" 

He takes a deep breath and pulls away. "Good, I'm not trying to be subtle. Help me out, na." He leads him to the couch and P'Mew pulls him onto his lap. "How do I stop getting turned on by you?" 

His senior bursts into laughter. "I'm still trying to figure out how I manage to turn you on. You think I'd tell you how to stop?" He squishes his tummy. 

"No, I mean it." He slaps his hands. "I was this close to climbing on that table and jumping you." 

Mew lets go of him completely. "Oh." His eyes wander around the room. "I'm sorry. Will you tell me next time so I can fix it?" 

"It's not your fault, Phi." He reaches for his hands and places them back around him. "I'm just 21 and horny." 

P'Mew rests his chin on his shoulder. "Then what's my excuse?" 

"You're as mature as someone who's 21 and horny." 

"Fair enough." He pats Gulf's leg. "Okay na. Let me get back to studying. From now on, tell me if I'm being too sexy and I'll stop, okay?" 

Gulf rolls his eyes and stands up. "Khrab." 

Gulf resumes his scrolling through the football forum. Mew hums as he finishes his outline, and Gulf can't help but smile. He loves when he does that. Whenever P'Mew hums or sings, he knows he's in his happy place. 

Gulf gets up to refill his water when Mew pushes back from the table. Be yawns and reaches out for him. "Mmmm, finished." He pulls Gulf onto his lap. 

He lands sideways and he throws an arm around Mew's neck. "Did you miss me already?"

"Do you have to ask?" He rubs at Gulf's tummy. "Next time you should just sit here while I work." 

Warmth rushes throughout Gulf's body. Everything is too much right now. The skinship is the same, but he's still worked up about earlier. He needs to divert their attention before he does something stupid like kiss P'Mew again. 

"I asked if you smoked because I used to," he blurts out. 

Mew stares at him, his mouth hanging open. "Wa ngi na?" _What did you say?_

He nods slowly. "My first few years of university. I used to smoke cigarettes." He stands up and returns to his chair. "I thought you should know, since we're being honest with each other." 

Mew runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "I already knew," he confesses. 

"Huh?" 

Mew chuckles and gestures for him to follow him to the couch. "You think people haven't tagged me on social media? Trying to warn me about you." 

His face feels hot now, and not in the good kind of way. He sits at a distance from P'Mew. "And?" 

His senior shrugs. "It's not my business." He pats him on the leg. "I worry about your health, but it's not my place to tell you how to live your life. We're not married, you know." He winks at him. 

Gulf rolls his eyes. "Well, I stopped. Because of you, actually." He fidgets with his hands. "Poom said my smoking was probably a coping mechanism for my social anxiety. You know how I am around large groups. Smoking made me feel cool and confident." 

"I've heard of that. Like a sort of prop?" 

He nods and takes a deep breath. "It was a good way to distance myself, too, without it being obvious to people." He sighs and plays with his ear. "If being in a large group got overwhelming, I could always step outside for a smoke and it would seem normal. Or I could stand far away from people or not talk much and they would think it's just because of the cigarette and not because I was uncomfortable." 

Mew makes a sound of understanding. "But how did I help you stop?" 

Gulf looks up at him and smiles. "You helped me open up and be more outgoing. Somehow, you know when to give me my space and when to encourage me to interact. And I don't need a prop or a distancing method anymore." He looks away out of shyness. "You helped me gain confidence around people." 

The couch dips as Mew moves closer. "It wasn't just me, Yai Nong. You stepped outside of your comfort zone and were willing to try new things." He wraps his arms around him. "Give yourself some credit, too." 

Gulf allows himself to be pulled against his senior. It feels so good to be enveloped in his arms, letting the warmth flow inside and out of him, swirling around in his tummy and making him glow. Did he always love Mew this much? 

"It's the same with drinking," Gulf tells him. "Lowered inhibitions and all. It made clubbing more tolerable."

Mew chuckles. "Why did you go if you don't like loud noises?"

He squirms into Mew's lap. "Because that's what university students do? I didn't want to be an outcast. Plus I like the way liquor burns down my throat."

His senior raises an eyebrow. "You like pain, huh?"

"You'll have to find out." He laughs and leans back against him. "Thanks for not judging me na."

Mew sighs and squeezes him. "We all have our vices and coping mechanisms. I flood my body with impurities, too. It's just junk food." He laughs so hard that it shakes them. Gulf loves the sound of it so much. He tries to snuggle closer without being obvious. 

"Tell me more about yourself, Mew?" He feels bashful dropping the honorific, but it sends a thrill through his body. 

Mew seems to respond similarly and tightens his grip around him. "I guess something you should know about me is that I have trouble saying no to people." 

Gulf snickers. "I already knew that."

He pats his tummy. "Let me finish na," he scolds playfully. "The truth is, I get resentful toward them for asking me to do things, because they know I can't say no, but it's not their fault because they still gave me a choice. Yet I still feel resentment, maybe toward myself, too." 

"Why can't you say no?"

He hums and pats on his stomach. "I don't like to disappoint people. I think I would rather suffer in silence than to have someone be upset with me." He rests his chin on Gulf's shoulder. "I feel guilty that I'm so blessed, so I think if I can do something for somebody, I will." 

"What do you mean guilty, Phi?" 

He sighs and shifts his weight. "Like having maids. Other kids had chores, but I didn't. So when my mom made me play rugby to help my sister, I didn't fight it." He laughs, but it turns into another sigh. "I hated it so much, but I thought there are some kids who have to clean the toilet. At least at rugby, I got to be with my friends."

"Ah."

"But I was angry with my mom the whole time. I resented that she forced me to play rugby for so many years, even if it was to help Jom get into the school. It's irrational, but I can't help it sometimes."

Gulf huffs and crosses his arms. "I don't think it's irrational."

Mew continues. "And my faculty, too. My ahma gave me the choice between medicine or engineering. I wanted to study music. But I thought of all the people who struggle to pay for tuition, while my family pays for mine." He shrugs. "So, I figured I can study what my family wants. I chose engineering because it still left me time to pursue acting."

"And does Khun Phi resent that, too?"

"I did at first," he admits. "I hate physics, even though I'm good at it. Whenever school got hard, I felt bitter that I could have been studying something I was passionate about. And it made me even more upset because I was being selfish."

Mew's hands have become fists now. Gulf covers them with his own, rubbing his knuckles with his thumbs until he relaxes.

"I'm sorry, P'Mew." 

He takes a deep breath. "I learned to focus on the parts I like. Eventually, I came to enjoy my faculty. I even thought of becoming an engineering professor. I still might." 

"Thanks na for sharing, Phi." 

He shakes his tummy up and down. "Of course. I want you to know me better than anyone, too." 

_____________________

P'Mew makes him shower before he can even touch the bed. "I have sensitive skin, and I can't have my bed be dirty." He hands Gulf a towel. 

It's weird showering at P'Mew's condo. Rather, it's weird being naked in P'Mew's condo. Should he jerk off again to get rid of his tension? He didn't think he'd get so riled up, especially right after rubbing one out before he left home. That should've taken care of it for the night, but here he is, hard as a rock just thinking about being naked with P'Mew on the other side of that door. Knowing that he didn't lock it just in case… no, that's not something he should be thinking about. Fuck, why is he so horny? 

He emerges from the bathroom in his sleep clothes. And by sleep clothes he means a tee shirt and boxers. Should he have brought some actual shorts? Fuck, he didn't think this through. He at least thought to bring a shirt. He's normally shirtless when he's at home, and especially when he sleeps.

He lies in bed, listening to P'Mew singing in the shower. He could fall asleep like this, lulled by his favorite voice in the world. P'Mew's sleep clothes are more substantial- pajama pants and a baggy shirt with a cartoon dinosaur. He looks so utterly domestic that something jumps in Gulf's belly. He feels sad, almost, wishing it could be like this every night. His arms feel empty all of a sudden. They ache for P'Mew as if they've been separated for a long time, and he reaches out for him. 

His senior smirks and towels off his hair. "Did you miss me already?"

Gulf pouts and lowers his arms. "Do you have to ask?"

The smile that greets him is wide and ecstatic, and P'Mew climbs into bed and wraps his arms around his waist. "Should we shower together from now on?"

"Mew…" 

He nuzzles into his neck. "Okay na. I'll just make up for lost time." 

They lie next to each other, holding hands and staring at the ceiling. "Tell me about your first love, P'Mew." 

Gulf listens to his senior recount his first relationship, the one when he was 18 and his boyfriend was 21. He remembers commenting on a dream P'Mew had about him, how he assumed his partner was a guy. What was it he said to him? _If you ask me, he didn't deserve you._ Hearing the whole story now, he believes it more than ever. 

"I can't imagine how someone would want to be with anyone but you," Gulf says. He's thinking out loud, mostly. He turns when he notices Mew is looking at him. "Alai na?"

"Do you know?" He asks. "Sometimes I can't believe the things that come out of your mouth."

He laughs, feeling the heat rush to his ears. "I'm just smart enough to know what a good thing I have." 

Mew scoffs and shifts onto his side. "Someone whom countless people didn't find worthy enough to stay faithful to?" He runs a finger up Gulf's arm. "You know, I wasn't always such a catch." He chuckles after saying so. 

"Is that right?" Gulf turns into his side, too. "Weren't you always so caring?" 

P'Mew winces. "I think I didn't always show my feelings in the best way. In fact, I should warn you- I haven't made much progress in that regard." 

Gulf plays with each of Mew's fingers, savoring the feel of his skin. It's enough to send butterflies through his tummy and make his chest ache. "What does Khun Phi mean?" 

"I can be… clingy."

"Understatement."

"Aow." He retracts his hand to poke Gulf in the chest. "You should always tell me if I'm being too much, okay?" 

Gulf grabs his hand and resumes playing with his fingers. "I like clingy, hasn't P'Mew noticed?" 

"I've been called smothering. Needy." He sighs and covers his forehead with his other hand. "I tend to get a little obsessed when I'm in love." 

"Good." Gulf laces their fingers together and squeezes. "I want someone who worships me." Odd how he doesn't feel the slightest hesitation in saying so. No shyness, either. 

Mew's eyes turn soft and sensual. The kind of penetrating gaze that sears right into Gulf's soul. "Then you chose the right man."

"I know." He lies on his back again, afraid to keep staring into Mew's eyes. "What's going to change once we're together, Phi?"

"Alai na?"

"Other than the physical stuff, how is this any different than dating?" He gestures vaguely. "Just look at us. Touching each other like lovers, having intimate conversations in bed. I've never been in a relationship, Phi, but this kind of feels like one already."

Mew sits up and looks at him. "Why do you ask?" 

He hesitates for just a moment. "It's just… how am I supposed to know we're ready to be together, when it already feels like we're together?"

He runs a hand through his hair. Stressed. "Um, Mild kind of… made a checklist to help you make your decision. I was going to share it tonight, but I got a bit distracted." He grins at him and Gulf goes warm all over again. 

Everything about this moment feels so natural. Mew being sheepish, them being in bed together. It feels familiar already. "And my original question? What would change once we start dating?"

His senior takes a deep breath and reaches for his hand. "What changes is that we'll make decisions as a couple, instead of as individuals." He brings Gulf's hand to his lips and kisses it. "We'll have to be mindful of how our choices affect the other person."

Gulf knows his ears are bright red. He can feel the heat of them as he withdraws his hand from Mew's. Will he ever get used to this romance stuff? "What do you mean?"

"My family wants me to pursue my PhD after I graduate. It would mean less time for us to be together. Less attention I could give you."

He squirms in his spot. "I'm not that selfish na, Phi. I understand that sort of thing." 

"It still affects you, and it's still something I plan on discussing with you." He shrugs and lies back down. "That sort of thing. Or if one of us decided to study abroad. Or if one of us gets a role in another series with a different ship." 

Gulf startles and sits up. "Would you accept the role?" He's not entirely sure how he feels about it. 

Mew leans forward and touches his cheek. "I would discuss it with my boyfriend before making a decision." He smiles and settles back down. "That's what would change once we start dating." 

He makes a face and leans over him. "Are you saying if you were offered another role right now with a different ship, you wouldn't talk to me about it?" 

His senior chuckles and runs his fingers through Gulf's hair. "I would talk to you anyway, because I love you. But I wouldn't expect you to consult me if you were the one who got a role."

He sighs and smacks him on the chest. "Aow, you think I wouldn't talk to you about it? I guess I don't have to, but I still would." 

"Oh?" Mew leans on his elbow. "And why is that?" He flashes his suggestive grin, the one he uses when he wants to be complimented. 

Gulf rolls his eyes and pushes him back down. "Because I love you. There. Are you happy." 

His arms wrap around him and pull him down. "Very." 

"So… basically, nothing would change and we're pretty much already dating." 

"Looks like it."

"Shia." 

Mew runs his hands up and down Gulf's back. "Can I hold you while we sleep?"

"You're going to ask that while you're already holding me?" 

"I still want to make sure it's okay." He leans in close and grins. "We're not officially dating, you know." 

"Show me the checklist in the morning." 

"Khrab." He gives Gulf his best puppy eyes. "So, does this mean I can hold you?"

Gulf nods and settles down against P'Mew's chest. "You better." He pokes him on the stomach. "All night, okay?" 

"Fuuuck," Mew squeezes him in his arms. "Are you real na? Is this real? Hmm? How did I get to be so lucky?" 

Gulf untangles himself and laughs. "Stop or you'll make me shy again." He hides his face against Mew's chest. "This is still new for me, okay?" 

Mew rubs his back and sighs contentedly. "Khrab. I'm sorry. I'm just… happy." 

"Me, too," he mumbles against Mew's chest. He can tell Mew heard him from the way he squeezes his shoulder. Because it's true. There are so many other ways to describe how he feels- nervous, shy, excited, horny, and comfortable, to name a few. But it all falls under being happy. And warm.

__________________

Gulf isn't sure when he fell asleep. He and P'Mew were talking about… was it video games? He can't remember now. He's on his other side now, facing away from his senior, pressed so tightly against him as they spoon. P'Mew is the big spoon, of course. Their legs are entwined with each other and it's so hot under the covers that they're both sweating. 

"Tee shirt," says P'Mew. 

Gulf looks at him over his shoulder. His eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth moves as he talks in his sleep. 

"I… heart… Bangkok," he mumbles. Gulf giggles as the serious look on his face.

P'Mew goes still for a second and then makes an annoyed face. "Fucking smoothie," he says. "Jom… yogurt. Eat fruit… mumumurm… peaches na khrab… stupid blender …" 

Gulf tries to suppress his laughter. He's not sure which is funnier- his nonsense chatter or his incoherent mumbling. He's seen Mew having nightmares about his exes and that dream about the cake. But this random dream is so much more entertaining. He shifts as best he can to look at him properly. 

"Should've… Uber… road can't see habajaba… the fuck is this street sign mashafama… hate traffic." He goes quiet for a long time. 

Gulf scoots back into position. He pulls the covers back to air out their overheated bodies. Will it always be this hot sleeping with him? He startles when he hears Mew say his name. 

"Gulf," he repeats. 

"Khrab?" He looks over but P'Mew isn't calling him. He's still dreaming. 

"Breakfast… I feed you na… humafama… congee." He smacks his lips and snuggles up closer to Gulf. 

This time, the warmth has nothing to do with body heat or blankets, and everything to do with P'Mew dreaming about feeding him breakfast. Gulf can't help but smile and cuddle up to him as his arms wrap tighter around him. This is definitely better than nightmares about his exes. 

"Gulf," he mumbles just as Gulf drifts off to sleep. "Tua-aeng…" 


	4. Third Time's the Charm

Mew is feverish. He's sweating so much, tangled up in Gulf's legs, their skin sticky and damp against each other. It feels uncomfortable but so intimate. He readjusts his legs against Gulf's, savoring the touch of him and the consuming heat of his body. Gulf is always so hot, and as sweltering as it is, Mew doesn't want to let go. He runs his hand up and down Gulf's arm, pressing his cheek against his shoulder. 

He can't help but wonder if it's real. That Gulf is sleeping in his bed, in his arms. He glances at the clock on the nightstand. He has to squint to make out the numbers, but it looks like 3:00 in the morning. And yet he feels so rested. What is it about his Yai Nong that recharges his battery? 

Gulf stirs in his sleep and lets out a soft moan. Mew's response is immediate and somewhat terrifying. He's rock hard in an instant, and what's worse is that Gulf seems to be pressing himself against him, scooting closer as if the heat of their entwined bodies weren't stifling enough. Stifling, but so deliciously sensual that he just can't take it. He pulls away from him so quickly that it shakes the bed, but Gulf doesn't seem bothered. The cool air hits his sweaty skin, and yet it does nothing to calm his erection. 

The bright light of the bathroom is a shock to his system, more so than the cold water he splashes on his face. Fuck, how can one tiny moan do this to him? He presses a palm against his crotch, but the pressure is overwhelming. Thoughts of Gulf swim inside his head, tempting and acute. He can't go back to bed like this. 

He leans against the wall and slides his shorts down to his hips. He's so painfully hard as he closes his eyes and lets the fantasy take him over. His mind pulls up an image of Gulf in the boyfriend shirt from Tharntype, the collar unbuttoned and the sleeves covering his hands. He imagines kissing Gulf's soft neck, inhaling that earthy scent that can only be detected up close, pressing his lips so softly against his warm flesh. Hearing Gulf's sharp inhale and his shaky exhale. Feeling him thread his fingers through his hair. _You're so beautiful, Yai Nong._ He bites his lip as he strokes himself. 

He imagines lifting the front of Gulf's shirt to his mouth and telling him to hold it between his teeth. _Good boy._ Trailing kisses down his chest and nibbling at his tummy, swirling his tongue around Gulf's belly button. _P'Mew,_ comes Gulf's muffled whine through the fabric. He imagines him hard and ready for him, precum dripping from the tip. Mew licks his lips at the thought of it, wondering what Gulf tastes like. His hand speeds up as he imagines leaning his junior against the wall and sinking down on his knees before him. Looking up to see Gulf's eyes drink in the sight of him kneeling at his feet, so eager to worship him and give him pleasure. God, it's all he wants. And fuck does he want. 

He thinks of running his tongue around Gulf's head, slowly sliding his mouth over him and listening to his moans. Moans just like the one Gulf made in bed, because fuck, he's actually asleep in his bed, and the realization that his sheets will smell like Gulf makes him groan out loud. He glides a thumb across his head, spreading his precum. He's not going to last long at all. 

He imagines the feel of Gulf in his mouth, of his warm cock gliding past his lips. The taste of his skin as he licks up and down his shaft. His sweet whimpers and his fingers pulling at Mew's hair. Just the thought of giving him pleasure turns him on like nothing else. He can sense the pressure building inside himself. He thinks of clawing at Gulf's hips as he takes his entire length in his mouth, feeling the stretch in his jaw and loving it so much. Looking up to see Gulf's eyes closed and head thrown back in ecstacy because Mew knows exactly how to satisfy him. He moans around his length, letting the vibrations send a ripple through Gulf's body. 

Gulf's noises are becoming desperate in his head. He speeds up, both with his hand in real life and with his mouth in his imagination. Feeling Gulf tremble and tense and seeing his pretty chestnut mouth still biting down on his shirt. Faster and harder, squeezing his lips tighter around his cock. Gulf's muffled moans filling his ears and the sensation of his hot cum shooting against his throat and filling his mouth. He squeezes his eyes tight as he comes in his hand. 

He leans his head against the wall, panting and sweating from the exertion. His entire body feels heavy now. There's hardly anything in his hand as he washes up. What is this, his third time masturbating since yesterday morning? God, Gulf is going to be the death of him. He feels weird, having just jerked off to him while he's asleep in his bed. But what else can he do? He couldn't very well lie there with his raging boner. He looks down at the limp bump in his pajama pants. At least now he can go back to sleep. 

It's dark as he stumbles toward the bed. As soon as he slides under the covers, he can feel Gulf's body heat from the other end. He reaches for the remote to the upright fan and turns it up. How does Gulf generate so much heat? 

"Mmm…" Gulf stirs again. He turns over to face Mew, as if sensing his return, but he doesn't wake up. His face looks so cute and stern as he moves closer and snuggles against him. As if scolding him for leaving him alone. The overwhelming warmth of his body consumes him, but instead of pulling away, Mew slides his arm under him and pulls him close. 

_________________

Mew wakes before his alarm. It's becoming such an annoying habit. His arm feels strange, and he realizes it's somewhere between sore and numb. 

"Gulf?"

"...Mew?" 

"Gulf, I have to get up soon." He tugs his arm free and Gulf turns into his other side away from him. The strain in his shoulder is painful. 

"Mew…" Gulf whines and arches his back. "Mmm… please." 

Mew's eyes widen. He's napped with Gulf enough to know when he's talking in his sleep. Is he dreaming? 

"Harder."

Shia, did Mew hear him correctly? Did he just say _harder_? Gulf moans and Mew freezes. Is he having a sex dream?

"P'Mew…" Gulf's breath quickens. "Mmm, please. _Please."_

Mew's been semi hard since he woke up, but now he's rock solid. Again. 

"Gulf," he repeats. His voice sounds hoarse now. "Gulf, wake up." 

"Want… you…" he tenses up and his breath comes more rapidly. "Please… can I?" Fuck, this needs to stop now. 

"Gulf!" Mew all but shouts. He's going crazy and he needs Gulf to be awake and conscious. He shakes his arm. 

"Huh?" Gulf whines again, but not out of pleasure. "Alai wa?" 

"Wake up." 

"P'Mew?" He sounds groggy as he sits up. "What happened? What's wrong?" 

Shia. He closes his eyes and sighs. "You were dreaming."

"Oh." His tone tells him he remembers what his dream was. "Uh… sorry na Phi." He burrows under the blanket and whines. 

"Gulf? Are you okay?" Mew places a hand on his side.

"Embarrassed." He mumbles under the covers. Nalak nalak. _So cute._

"Don't be."

"Easy for you to say."

He can't help but laugh. "I once gave you a hand job when I was asleep." He runs a hand through his hair. "Comparatively, this is nothing." 

Gulf's head emerges from the blankets. God, he's so adorable with messy hair and sleepy eyes. Mew wants to wake up to this sight every morning. 

"I'm sorry," he says. His ears are dark red. 

"Hey," he scoots over and pulls him close. His body heat is intoxicating. "There's nothing to apologize for."

Gulf goes limp in his arms and shakes his head. "I don't know how much more I have to jerk off to get through the day." 

Mew laughs again out of shock. Of course Gulf would say something like this first thing in the morning. "How many times have you-?" 

"Three in the last 24 hours."

"Three?" Well, that certainly sounds familiar.

Gulf turns and hides his face against Mew's chest. "Yesterday morning when I woke up, right before I came over, and… in your shower last night." 

Mew's laughter shakes them both. He really can't help it. Nervous habit. He's still getting used to the fact that Gulf gets so turned on by him that he has to… well. Nevermind the fact that he's so candid about it. Trust Gulf to matter of factly discuss his masturbatory habits. "Three times, though…"

"I know!" Gulf practically shouts into Mew's shirt. The warmth of his breath seeps into the cloth. "Once usually wears me out for the whole day. My cock is pretty lazy, Phi." 

Mew swallows. If Grumpy Gulf has no physical inhibitions, which Gulf is this with no verbal inhibitions? "Huh…" is all he manages to reply. 

"Phi…" Gulf whines against him. "Why do you drive me so crazy na? It wasn't even this bad during filming and we were kissing and grinding on each other." 

"Yes, but we knew it was acting." He combs his fingers through Gulf's hair. "It's a little different now that we know how the other person feels." 

"You seem to be doing just fine…"

Mew tenses. Was that disappointment in his voice? He tries to remember his first relationship, how it felt to be so overcome with want and need and desire. He remembers feeling insecure when his partner didn't seem as lovesick. 

Mew squeezes him in his arms. "Three for me, too." 

"Alai na, Phi?"

"Three times for me yesterday." He traces his finger up and down Gulf's arm. "When I woke up, when I got home after class… and in the middle of the night, I snuck off to the bathroom." 

Gulf looks up at him. His ears and face are red, as he imagines his own must be. He's not as accustomed to being so forthright about this stuff. "In the middle of the night?"

"Yes." He squeezes him tightly. "Gulf, you're in my bed. You were in my arms. You really thought I was going to survive last night without going crazy?" 

His junior squirms and pouts. "This is shitty na, Phi. I'm just going to sleep until it goes away, okay?" Gulf looks so serious, it's hard not to giggle at him. A little more irritation and he would look like Type. 

"Let's focus on more important things," Mew suggests. "Like your fan meeting in Manila this weekend."

He groans and buries his head in Mew's chest again. "Do you have class this morning? Can you help me na?" 

Mew ruffles Gulf's hair. "Two classes, but you can stay here if you want and I'll help you when I get home."

Gulf shakes his head. "Don't tempt me na, Phi. Your bed is so comfortable, I may never leave." He lies back and stretches. 

Mew looks at him and sighs. Gulf Kanawut wants to stay in his bed. How did he get to be so lucky? The bloom in his chest is full and blossoming at the sight of his love laid out so comfortably against his pillows. His tan skin looks golden against the sheets, and Mew wants to bask in his radiance all day. 

"Phi is staring at me."

"Phi is captivated." 

Gulf covers his face with his hand, but his reddening ears are on full display. "Shameless flirt." 

________________________

Mew turns up the collar of his white shirt. He's decided against his work shirt today. After everything that's happened in the last 24 hours, he's not risking it by wearing _that_ again. He grabs his tie off the back of his kitchen chair. 

Gulf looks up from the open fridge. "Omelet?" 

"Are you offering to cook for me, or are you asking me to cook for you?" 

He chuckles and walks over to him. "Which does Khun Phi prefer?" He reaches for his tie and fixes it. Heat rushes to Mew's face, because God, it's sexy. 

"So handsome." Gulf smiles and adjusts the metal gear pin at the center. 

Mew covers his hands with his own. "When did you become so domestic?" 

He smirks and tugs on the tie. "When I realized you couldn't tie a tie for shit." He bites his lip and grins. "I'll cook you an omelet. Can't let the oil splatter your uniform." 

"I have an apron." 

"Well, in that case…" Gulf tosses the apron at him. "I like extra fish sauce naja." He sits at the table and flashes a smile. The brat. 

"Is leftover rice okay?"

Gulf shakes his head. "I made some while you were in the shower. It should be done soon." As if on cue, the rice cooker pops. 

Mew dons the apron and takes a deep breath. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Make it a little crispy, too." 

______________________

Mew has six texts from Gulf when he gets out of his first class.

** Gulf **

Don't be alarmed, but someone let themself into your condo. I ran and hid in your closet.

** Gulf **

It's a woman. Maybe in her mid-fifties?

** Gulf **

She found me. 

** Gulf **

You… have a maid? She came by to pick up your laundry 🤣 You're such a Khun Chai

** Gulf **

She thought I was a thief at first, but when I told her who I was, she said she heard about me 👀 What does that mean? 

** Gulf **

She thinks I'm your boyfriend. She insisted on cooking me lunch. She wouldn't let me help with the dishes. This feels weird na. Anyway, there's leftover panang for you. It's really good 👍🏼

Mew shakes his head. He forgot Sao Ying was coming over today. Of course she would mention that she's heard of Gulf. His mother is right, he hangs out with the maids too much. It's not his fault they have the best gossip. 

** Mew **

She won't let me do my own laundry. She said I don't do it right.

** Gulf **

And how does she know who I am?

** Mew **

I might have mentioned my cute co-star once or twice

** Gulf **

She said I looked familiar

** Mew **

They wanted a visual aid

** Gulf **

What do you mean they?

Fuck. Mew slaps his forehead. 

** Mew **

The other three maids

** Gulf **

You have FOUR maids?

** Mew **

And they all agree with me that you're very handsome

** Gulf **

You're not going to flirt your way out of this

** Mew **

Can I flirt with you anyway? 

** Gulf **

Go to class

** Mew **

Yes, Phi 😋

______________________

The condo smells like lemon disinfectant when Mew gets back. "Honey, I'm home," he teases. 

"Ah, Khun Mew." One of the other maids, Sao Kim, grins at him from the couch. Gulf waves awkwardly at him.

Of course. He should have known to expect her once word reached the house that his crush was at his condo. Alone, too. He regrets not warning Gulf that the old gossip queen would undoubtedly make an appearance. 

He gives her a look that says, _I know what you're up to._ "Sawadee-khrab, Sao Kim." He makes Wai and removes his shoes. 

"Your handsome faen was just telling me about his faculty."

"Not my faen."

"So he says," she makes a _humph_ noise and joins him in the kitchen. "Don't worry na kha, Khun Mew, you know you don't have to lie to me."

He looks into her wrinkled and mischievous eyes. "I haven't lied to you since I was twelve. He's not my faen." 

She makes the same _humph_ sound and crosses her arms. "Then you need to fix that. He's a sweet boy. Then again, maybe he's out of your league na…" she cackles and pats his arm. 

He laughs and gives her a gentle hug. "You're right about that." He sighs and glances at Gulf. He looks so lovely and shy looking out the window. "Have you gotten whatever intel you came here for, Sao Kim?" 

"You kicking me out?"

"Yes." He kisses her on the cheek. "Thanks for stopping by, I'll visit the house next week." 

"Fine, I'll let you work on your flirting." She rolls her eyes and grabs her purse. "It was nice to meet you, precious Nong." She waves and returns Gulf's parting Wai. 

Gulf waits until the door is firmly shut before he arches an eyebrow at Mew. "Should I expect the last two to show up this afternoon?"

"Yes." He sighs and lays his head in Gulf's lap. "I'm sorry I didn't warn you about them." 

Gulf runs his fingers through Mew's hair. It feels so light and comforting after his long morning. "I've never been around someone's household staff before. They tried calling me Khun Gulf. It was weird, Phi." 

Mew hums and looks up at him. "None of your friends had maids? You went to Suankularb Wittayalai, after all." 

"We weren't all wealthy, you know." He pokes his cheek. "And yes, some of them had maids, but none of them ever talked to me."

"Ours won't shut up." 

"So, that's where you learned it." 

He laughs and squishes against his tummy. "You're probably right. Sao Ying and Sao Kim practically raised me." 

"Is it weird being close to… you know?"

" _The help?_ " Mew teases. "I guess it depends on the relationship established by the family. Our staff has always been more like… what's that term na? Fictive kin. They take care of us, and we take care of them."

"What do you mean?" 

He stretches out and yawns. "Well, they've been working with our family for years. Sao Kim used to work for my grandmother." He closes his eyes. "We take care of their medical expenses, offer them stock options with my father's company, and every year we send them on an all-expense paid cruise." 

"Wow, your family really has that kind of money, huh?" 

He laughs. "They work hard for us, so we make sure to thank them. My father is a firm believer in taking care of his staff. Loyalty is important to him." 

"Are you falling asleep?" 

Mew pretends to snore. 

"P'Mew…"

"You're so comfortable." 

"You said you'd help me prepare for my fanmeet." 

He sighs and sits up. "Okay. Let's practice some interview questions, then." 

"Shia."

____________________

By mid afternoon, they manage to cover interviews, interacting with fans, and tips on singing live. Mew clings to his shoulder as Gulf double checks his bag.

"Your evening class isn't for another two hours," Mew whines. 

"I didn't pack a uniform," Gulf repeats. "I didn't think I'd stay here all day. I have to go home and change." 

"You can borrow my clothes."

"I won't fit."

"You haven't tried."

"I don't have my notes or anything." 

"Fine…" he sulks and moves to the opposite end of the couch. 

He hears a loud sigh come from Gulf. He's doing it again, isn't he? He's being too clingy, too needy. Gulf wants to go home, and he should let him. 

"I have an early class tomorrow, too," Gulf adds. "So I think I should sleep at my place." 

"Okay." He tries not to sound disappointed. He can't believe he's getting so attached before they're even dating. How much worse will he get once they're official? 

"But…"

Mew looks up. Gulf's ears are pink, and he's got that insecure expression on his face. "But?"

He takes a deep breath. "Would Phi like to spend the night at my condo?" His words are rushed and mumbled, but Mew heard them loud and clear. 

"Are you offering just because you feel sorry for me?" He pouts at him. "I don't want a pity invitation. I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything."

Gulf's cheeks match his ears now. "No, I just feel shy asking. But I want you to stay over." 

Mew can't hide his smile. "Really?" 

"Yes." He stands and picks up his bag. "And I think it'll be good to get used to one another so that we can calm down, you know?" 

"And because you'll miss me?" 

"I'll call you when I get out of class."

"After you've been missing me?"

He rolls his eyes and heads for the door. "Shameless flirt!" 

"You like it."

"Bye." He smirks and closes the door behind him. 

Mew leans back on the couch and sighs. He's so fucked. So wonderfully and hopelessly fucked over Gulf. If this is what their friendship is like, just a _week and a half_ after declaring their love, what will it be like a month from now? His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Gulf wants him to spend the night at his place. He'll be sleeping in Gulf's bed. Is he still dreaming? Will he wake up from a nap on set and it will all have been a fantasy? Then again, if he woke up on set, he'd probably be next to Gulf then, too. God, he's so lucky. He must have done something incredible in his past life to deserve this. 

____________________

Gulf's condo is so… bare. Nothing on his kitchen counters, nothing on his dining table, and half the shelves on his entertainment center are empty. The only things on his coffee table are remotes and a football magazine. 

Gulf's bedroom is pretty much the same. A neatly made bed with no stuffed animals, bare walls, and minimal furniture. A bed. An armoire. An electric fan. Everything is so simple and uncomplicated. So Gulf. He loves this about him. Gulf has only what he needs, and he likes it that way. What does it mean that someone like Gulf loves someone like himself? 

"I love your decor," Mew teases. "Spartan chic?" 

"Huh?"

"The Greek Spartans. They were a military state. Their lifestyle was very disciplined and austere. Only the bare necessities." 

Gulf makes a noise of appreciation. "I can get behind that. How do you know so much about them?" 

He shrugs and leans against the kitchen counter. "When I was younger I wanted to be an archaeologist. I wanted to study the pyramids and the Greek temples." 

Gulf chuckles. "Phi wanted to do lots of things." 

"I wanted to be an astronaut and a pilot, too."

Dinner is takeout pad Thai. Mew tells him about the list that Mild made: quality of sleep, dream content, sensitivity to ex, level of independence, and loneliness factor.

Gulf looks down at the sheet. "Should we rank each of them on a numerical scale?" 

"Sounds good to me."

"Quality of sleep?" 

Mew smiles and leans on his elbow. "Better when it's with you." 

"What about without me?"

He purses his lips. "Let's call it a 6. I feel rested enough, but I keep waking up before my alarm." 

Gulf takes notes on the paper. "Dream content?" 

"Weird?" He giggles. He explains the dreams about the elusive souvenir, the missing smoothie ingredients, and the invisible road. "Let's call it a 7. They're definitely better than memories of my exes, but the frustration and repetition of them means I'm still troubled by something."

Gulf takes a big gulp. "Sensitivity to ex?" 

Mew feels a weird prickle down his spine. He hasn't thought much about him in the last two weeks, but when he has, it's been uncomfortable. "If zero means I'm unbothered by him, then 4," he says. "Some things still remind me of him at random." 

"Oh?" Gulf seems to have shrunken down in his seat. 

"Um…" Mew scratches his head. "The other day I drove past a restaurant we used to go to a lot. I haven't been there since I went with him. And some of my figures were presents from him, and I get small flashbacks when I see them." 

Gulf nods. "Level of independence?" 

He laughs out loud. "I don't know, 3? I haven't spent a single day by myself. That's pretty bad, I guess. I'm not even sleeping by myself." 

Gulf shakes his head. "Not looking good, Phi. Loneliness factor?" 

"Tough call," he admits. "It's hard to be lonely while I'm always surrounded by people. But during the few times that I'm by myself, it does feel weird having an empty condo. I'm so used to living with someone." 

Gulf taps the pencil against his chin. "If 0 is not lonely at all, it sounds like a 7." 

Mew sighs and runs his hand through his hair. He's a mess. He didn't think he was, but seeing it all laid out on paper makes him realize how much work is left to do. "I guess I'm further away from being healed than I thought." 

Gulf looks at him with such warmth in his eyes that Mew feels as if he's falling in love all over again. "Don't worry na, Phi. I'm not going anywhere." 

He takes a deep breath. "Okay, let's make a plan on how I can get better." He rubs his hands together. "Maybe I'll go see a psychic about my dreams."

Gulf makes a note. "So superstitious." He chuckles. "I hate to say this, P'Mew, but I think you need to spend more time alone."

He knew Gulf would say that. It's what he's been dreading. "I know," he concedes. "But to be fair, I've never been good at being alone. I don't even know if that's a good test of my healing." 

"No half-assing," Gulf scolds. "I want my future boyfriend at his best." 

His words make the blossom in Mew's chest bloom. Sometimes, the things Gulf says take him by such surprise.

"I don't know how to desensitize myself to my ex," he confesses. "I always have trouble getting past the awkward stage." 

Gulf taps his pencil on the table. "Maybe you should talk to someone who's had the same problem? Maybe they have tips." 

Mew examines the paper. "So at what numbers will I be considered up to standard?"

"Hmm…" he writes a few more notes on the page. 

Quality of sleep: 8

Dream content: 8

Sensitivity to ex: -1 

Level of independence: 6

Loneliness factor: 4

Mew nods and takes a picture with his phone. "You got it, boss." He leans against Gulf's shoulder. "Does this mean you want me to sleep at home tonight?"

Gulf makes his thinking face. The one where he looks like a cartoon character. "You can start tomorrow na." 

_____________________

Gulf chews on the tip of his pen as he edits one of his video assignments. His eyes are narrowed and focused. God, he's so cute. Mew can't help but look up from his homework every now and then to take in the sight of him. 

"Shia…" Gulf scratches his head. "I can't get the layers right." He shuts his laptop and leans back in his seat. "I'm done for tonight. Carry me to bed na." 

"Not before you shower." 

"Then carry me to the shower." 

Mew closes his book. "As you wish." He scoops him up from his chair, despite his startled protests. It's easy enough to hoist him over his shoulder, having done it enough during workshop. He smacks his ass and carries him to the bathroom. 

"P'Mew!" Gulf's scolding is playful at best. Mew sets him down on the tile and grins. His junior crosses his arms. "Are you going to undress me, too?" 

"Nope." Mew leaves the room and shuts the door. He can hear a soft _aow_ on the other side. 

___________________

Gulf is accommodating enough to put new sheets on the bed before they sleep. They feel silky and cool against Mew's freshly showered skin. He's taken the risk of wearing a tank top and boxers instead of pajama pants and a tee shirt in anticipation of Gulf's excruciating body heat. He's mildly concerned that Gulf is dressed similarly with all that delicious golden skin showing, but hopefully it will keep him cool throughout the night. 

The difference in attire is immediately noticeable as soon as they touch under the covers. Gulf curls up against him, and his soft skin can be felt almost everywhere. His exposed shoulders, squishy arms, and his smooth thighs all taunt Mew. He can't help but imagine Gulf's bare skin against his as they make love. It's a dangerous thought, and he tries to replace it with something innocent. Ice cream- no. Homework. Physics. Sao Kim. Chopper. Fuck, he really misses Chopper. He should steal him back tomorrow since he'll be sleeping alone. 

"P'Mew?" 

"Hmm?" 

"When did you know you liked boys?" 

He hums and pulls him closer. "Maybe around age 12? My friends would always ask me what I was staring at." He shrugs and laughs. "Turns out I was staring at other guys. And, I don't know, I liked what I saw." 

Gulf nods. "I guess that makes you smarter. I did the same thing, but I didn't connect the dots." 

Mew is reminded of that day on set when Gulf said something that hinted at his orientation. They were talking about Type. What was it that Gulf said?

_"He's, you know, gay, right? Don't gays usually feel out of place when they're young? They feel like they're... different from others."_

_"How do you know about that? The feeling of being different."_

_Gulf didn't hesitate, didn't consider how his answer would resonate with Mew. "Because I've felt it, too."_

"Why is Phi smiling like that?" 

Mew looks at his junior and recounts his memory. "Does it make more sense to you now?" 

He laughs and lies flat on his back. "How did I not realize it?" He covers his face with his hand. "Straight guys really don't check each other out or kiss each other, huh?" 

"Kiss?" 

Gulf nods from under his hand. "I mean, just playing, you know?" He moves his hand and blows a kiss at him. "Like that. Little pecks. Well, except…"

Mew's eyes widen and he turns into his side. "Except?"

"I mean, it was nothing, really." Though his red ears say otherwise. "There was one guy."

Mew giggles. "There's always one guy."

"And we… well, we said we were going to practice for when we kiss girls." 

"Uh, huh." Mew's stomach fills with butterflies. It reminds him of sleepovers with his friends, talking about their crushes. 

"He would come over to my house sometimes and we would…"

"Make out?"

"Shia, Phi!" Gulf shoves at him. He scoots closer and buries his face in his chest. "Yes, okay? He would come over to play video games in my room and then we would end up kissing."

"For _practice_ ," Mew teases. His giggles shake them both. 

"I told myself it was just practice, and that I just liked kissing." His hand grabs at Mew's shirt. "But I know it's more than that now. I liked that he was a boy. I like him." 

Mew wraps his arms around Gulf's shoulders. "Aw, you had puppy love. Nalak nalak." 

"He was hot okay?" 

"Oh?" Something fires in Mew's gut. 

"He was a year ahead of me, so he was much bigger already. Kind of a rugged handsome. Strong, toned arms…"

"Okay, I get it." Mew looks down at his own arms. They're not what they used to be. In addition to losing his appetite, Mew had stayed slim for TharnType to emulate the scrawny teenager look. The urge to bulk back up renews itself in him. 

Gulf looks up at him and grins. "Is Khun Phi getting jealous?" 

"You wish."

"He was a good kisser, too. He used to do this thing with his tongue-" 

"Okay, okay!" Mew places a hand over Gulf's mouth. "I'm jealous. I don't like hearing you praise some other guy. Are you happy?" He removes his hand. 

"There was this other guy-" 

"Ugh!" Mew shuts his eyes. 

"He was an even better kisser. Even more handsome."

"Whoever he is, I hate him."

"He was my co-star in a BL series." Gulf snuggles against him again. "He would do this thing where he'd alternate kissing my top and bottom lip. Drove me crazy." 

Mew opens his eyes and looks down at him. Gulfs eyes are on his chest, where he traces a swirly pattern on his shirt. "It did?"

"And when he kissed my neck, it was like electricity was running through me."

Fuck, Gulf's really going to kill him. "You don't have to flatter me na, Yai Nong."

He gets up on his knees and leans over him. "What if I want to?" 

"Alai wa?" 

Gulf's eyes are dark and intense as he leans close. "What if I can't stop thinking about your kisses, P'Mew?" 

"You'll have to try," is his whispered response. 

He licks along his bottom lip. "What if I want you all the time?" 

Mew shuts his eyes and looks away. "Gulf, you're not thinking clearly. We decided to wait for a reason, remember?" 

"Wait for what?" His voice sounds desperate. "You said it yourself, we're practically dating already. What's going to change between us besides sex?" 

"Commitment?" Mew's voice is high pitched and thin. 

"You're the only one I want, Mew." He sounds small now. Defeated, almost. The pressure of his body against him has lightened. "If I'm willing to wait for you, doesn't that show I'm committed?"

"But what if _I'm_ not ready?" He asks. The words come out of his mouth before he's even thought of them. But it's true, isn't it? What if he's not ready? He looks back at Gulf's wide eyes.

"Alai na?" He swallows and sits up. "You're not ready to be with me?" 

Mew reaches for his hand. "You're the one who recognized it, remember?" He strokes him with his thumbs. "I want to be with you more than anything, but you were right to suggest that we wait. I'm not the man you deserve right now. I don't want to be your boyfriend while random objects still cause unwanted flashbacks of my ex." 

"What if I'm okay with that?" It sounds more like a plea than a question. 

"I think it's more than that," he says, running a hand through his hair. "I'm scared, Gulf. The deeper I fall for you, the more terrified I get."

"What, that I'll leave you? That I'll change my mind? I already told you-"

"I'm afraid I'll drive you away." He sighs and lets go. "I'm always the one being cheated on, being dumped, being abandoned. After so many times, I can't keep blaming my exes. The only thing they all had in common was dating me." 

Gulf looks like he's about to cry. His empty hands have become clenched fists. "What are you saying then, Phi?" 

"I'm saying I'm afraid that despite all my best efforts and all your love, that I'll still do something that will make you want to leave." He looks down and sees his own hands are balled up. "I'm hoping your plan will prevent that from happening. If I can be more independent and less lonely, maybe I won't make all the same mistakes." 

"But what if I like-" 

Mew shakes his head. "You have no idea how needy and clingy I can get, Gulf. Everything you've seen until now has been me holding back." He hangs his head with shame. "I'm possessive and jealous and sulky. More than you can imagine." 

"And you want to change that?"

He chuckles, though it comes out more bitter than he expected. "At least to a normal degree." He looks up to find Gulf's eyes soft and loving. 

"I'm sorry na, Phi." He scoots closer and pats his leg. "I shouldn't have tried to rush things. I keep forgetting how this might affect you. I just see numbers on a sheet of paper, but you're the one who has to live with it." 

"You're already helping." 

"Well, I'm going to help more!" He nods, eyes bright and earnest. So cute. "I won't pressure you anymore na, Phi. I think this is what I needed to get past my hormones." 

"My baggage?" Mew rolls his eyes. 

Gulf places the flat of his hand on Mew's chest. "Your heart. It's mine to take care of now, isn't it?" 

"Yes." 


	5. The Other Nong: The Other Him

Mild loves a good wedding. Especially Thai weddings, where it's expected to bring uninvited guests. If there's one thing he's good at, it's making an entrance with an entourage. He glances around the ballroom and grins. It's showtime, bitches. It's like one of those movie scenes where the hot girls walk through the school hallway. Except the hot girls are himself, Aa, and Run. 

"Gentlemen," he says, striking a pose, "start your engines. And may the best man win." 

Run leans over. "Is that a wedding joke? Best man? Get it?"

He swats at his friend. "No! This is a Thai wedding. There's no best man. Weare the best men, and we win by eating delicious food, dancing our asses off, and possibly going home with somebody hot." He grabs a flute of champagne and downs it. 

"How was that?" Asks Aa.

Mild shrugs. "It was sparkling apple juice." 

Run spots some people in the distance and waves. "Speaking of which, I see someone I definitely want to go home with. I'll catch you later." 

Mild shakes his head and watches his co-star run off. An arm snakes its way around his waist and he looks up to see Aa's devilish grin. "And just who did you plan on going home with this evening?" 

Mild smacks his hand. "Whoever can woo me on the dance floor." He raises his nose in the air and goes off in search of hors d'oeuvres. 

It's not long before the three of them meet back up where they started. "Well?" He asks Run. 

"They're already dating someone," he mutters. He takes a swig of champagne. 

Aa cocks an eyebrow. "Mine seems to be playing hard to get." 

"Maybe you just have to play better." Did he really think his abs could do all the work for him? Mild plans to make him work for it. 

"Hey, isn't that…?" Aa points at the two tallest people in the room: Mew and Fasai. 

"You go," says Run. "We'll back you up from over here." He offers an hors d'oeuvre to Aa. The two of them stand back and shoo him off. Cowards. 

P'Fasai is resplendent in an off-the-shoulder cocktail dress in dark red velvet. If she ever gets tired of being a lawyer, she should consider a career in modeling. P'Pee looks dashing in his satiny navy suit with peach boutonniere. As for Mew, if he weren't so tall, he'd blend in with the rest of the guests, which Mild suspects was the intention. He hasn't seen Mew's ex anywhere yet, but he'll see him soon enough when they're all seated at the same table.

"This is ridiculous," he hears Mew say. God, he can be so whiny. "You should be socializing and having fun instead of babysitting me." Agreed. 

Pee looks around and shivers. "Don't worry, I already looked around. All the hot men are straight." 

"Ouch." Mild walks up and helps himself to Mew's plate. "I'm not hot?" Oh, but the mini crab cakes are. Yum. 

"You look twelve," says Pee, knocking back the rest of his drink. Mild considers making a comment about Pee's wrinkles but Fasai steps in first. 

She straightens the lapels on his jacket. "Shush. Mild, you look gorgeous." She smiles in that way that makes everyone fall in love with her. "Did you bring anyone?"

He gestures vaguely behind him. Just those two scaredy cats. Aa and Run raise their glasses in greeting. "Brought the Co-Captain and, uh… the pirate." He winks at Fasai. She winks back. Pee rolls his eyes. Jealous?

"Pirate?" Mew looks confused. Mild can't help but laugh. His friend is the dumbest smart person he's ever met. 

He sighs and pats his arm. "You know, because of his birds. Like a parrot on the shoulder…" Mild shakes his head. "Forget it, forget it. It's because he's after my booty." After all, where is the lie? 

Pee giggles. "That's more like it, baby. Uh, Fasai, why didn't you bring the little darling? It's not a Thai wedding unless you bring uninvited guests."

Hear, hear. Mild's been wondering the same thing. He was sure Eye would be here tonight. 

She swats at Pee's arm. "Eye has a family event this evening. Besides, I wouldn't be able to focus if she were here."

And there it is. "Ooooiiiiyyyy!" Mild wags a finger at her. "Are you two…?" He wiggles his eyebrows. He knew it!

She gives him one of her scarier looks. "Are you and Aa….?" 

Ooh. He retracts his finger. "I see. Same boat." 

"You mean ship," Mew corrects. Well, well, well. Someone brought their humor after all.

"Oh, look, he made a joke." Pee pats his arm. "That's a good boy."

A flash of movement catches his eye, and he spots Mew's ex across the room. He's watching them, of course. That's gotta feel shitty, seeing his old friends all gathered together without him, even if it was his decision to leave Mew. He makes eye contact with Fasai and gestures that he'll go talk to him while they distract Mew. She nods and they bump fists as they pass each other. 

Mild rejoins his chicken hearted companions. "Come on, handsome, I'll introduce you to an old friend of mine." 

"Okay," says Aa.

Mild grins at him. "I was talking to Run." He hooks arms with him and leads them across the way. 

_______________________

His friend looks terrible. Bags under the eyes, hollowed cheeks, and a kind of dullness in his eyes. They haven't hung out much since he broke up with Mew. He puts his arm around his shoulder and shakes him. "Ma ma ma. Tell me." 

His nong shakes his head. "Just thinking." 

"You gonna do something stupid?" 

"I already did. Back in December when I left him." 

Mild winces and squeezes him close. "Boys," he calls over to Aa and Run. "I'm gonna talk to Nong outside. You two keep yourselves entertained." He blows them a kiss. Run laughs and pretends to catch it. Aa blows one back. Mild turns dramatically and ushers him out to the balcony. 

"What's going on?" He closes the French doors behind them. 

His junior takes a deep breath. "I can't believe I was such an idiot, Phi." He knocks back the rest of his champagne. "I just… I miss him." His voice has gone small. 

Well, shia. Where was this shit a few months ago when Mew was a fucking husk of a person? He bristles with irritation. It still bothers him the way it all went down. He takes a few breaths to calm himself. He can tell that his nong has been crying. 

"How long have you felt this way na?" 

He sniffles and looks away from him. "Two months? I keep telling myself it's all for the best…" he starts sobbing. "But… Phi, I st-still love him. I wish I could take it all back. I wish things could be like they were." 

Mild rushes to comfort him. He rubs his back and wipes the tears from his eyes. "Hey. Look at me. You made your decision for a reason, remember?" 

"Stupid reasons. All stupid. I can't even remember them now."

Mild remembers when Mew was like this. Ugly crying, snot dripping from his nose, and incoherent gibberish coming out of his mouth. It wasn't pretty, and neither is this. Shia, this is going to be a mess. One that he'll have to clean up, because somewhere along the way he became the mom friend of the group.

"Nong…" he rubs his arm. "Are you planning on doing something…?" He gives him a look. 

His eyes look wild now. Uh-oh. "I'll never forgive myself if I don't try." 

Fuck. Mild closes his eyes and sighs. His mind flashes back to that night. 

_Mew curled up on the floor and sobbed. He pulled the blanket over his body, but his shivers continued. Mild handed him a glass of water._

_"No more," he pleaded._

_Mild forced it into his hand. "You've been crying all night. You have to rehydrate."_

_His friend nodded and took shaky sips. "Phi, why don't you sleep in your bed?"_

_"Because I don't have the strength to shower."_

_Honestly, Mew. Not even heartache could overcome the Khun Chai in him. "What if I wash your sheets for you tomorrow, hm? Would that make you feel-"_

_Mew reached for his hand. Bloodshot eyes bore into him. "If he ever tells you he wants to get back together, tell him yes. Please, Mild." He pulled the blanket tighter around himself. "Even if I'm with someone. Tell him yes."_

_Fuck. Nothing good could come from this. He laughed it off and patted his arm. "Hey, let's focus on getting you to sleep."_

_"Promise me," he begged. "I don't want to live without him." He sobbed again. Pitiful, whimpering sobs that shook his whole body._

_Mild rubbed his back. This was a mess. Why would anyone risk falling in love when this was the likely result? "Fine," he said. "I promise."_

Mild makes a fist. Things are going so well between Mew and Gulf, but that's not his call to make. And if his junior really is sorry and really wants to get back together, is it his place to stand in the way of two people who once loved each other? A few months ago, Mew would have done anything to have him back. 

"Maybe…" he pats his arm. "At least wait until after the wedding. Call him or something. Give him time to prepare himself." 

"But-"

"I know," he shushes him. "You're determined and you feel like you have to do it now or else you'll explode."

His junior nods, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I've been seeing and hearing things… about Mew and… _him."_

Mild almost laughs. It's the same tone that Mew uses when he refers to his ex. He never thought he'd hear Gulf being referred to as _him._

"You've waited two months. A few more days won't hurt."

He slams his fist on the railing. "I've waited too long! You think I haven't seen the workshop or behind the scenes videos? You think I haven't noticed the way he looks at him?" Fresh tears gather at his eyes and slide down his face. "He used to look at me that way." 

Shia. "Tomorrow," Mild pleads. "Just wait until tomorrow."

His junior stands and adjusts his tie. It's the one Mew gave to him. The same one Mew is wearing tonight. Shia, they accidentally dressed like a couple? What a fucking mess.

"I'll try," says his nong. Mild supposes that's the best he'll get out of him. 

"I give up. I'm going to grab as many more hors d'oeuvres as I can before dinner starts." He gives him an awkward side hug and slips inside. This is going to be a disaster.

____________________

Mild tosses his keys into the bowl by the door. "I hate weddings…" He toes off his shoes. God, his feet are so sore from dancing. 

"You love weddings," says Aa. He drapes their suit jackets over a chair. "Now, where were we before that DJ rudely stopped playing music?" 

Mild grins as two strong arms wrap themselves around him. "How inconsiderate of him," he teases. "Just because the wedding was over." 

Aa twirls him around and holds him by the hand and waist. "I believe I was wooing you on the dance floor." He grins and Mild feels that certain rising in his stomach whenever his senior gets flirtatious. Which is always. Handsome devil. 

"There's no music," he whispers.

Aa pulls out his phone and plays a love song. One of Mild's favorites. He leads him to the center of the living room and they slow dance in a small circle. Damn romance. Damn butterflies in his stomach. And damn Aa looking like James Bond in his suit. Well, move over, Bond girls. 

"You were gorgeous tonight," Aa says in his ear. 

"Flattery will get you nowhere." 

"I came home with you, didn't I?" 

He shrugs. "Flattery will get you somewhere." 

His senior laughs and pulls him closer. Mild lays his cheek against his chest and sighs contentedly. There are never enough slow dances at weddings. 

"Um…Mild?" 

"Alai na?" 

"Are you…?"

Mild feels a bump in his pants. "Oh! No, that's just my giant wad."

"Alai wa?" 

He laughs and pulls out a folded stack of baht. "My wad of cash. Mew wants me to meet his ex at a coffee shop tomorrow. Gave me cash to buy whatever we want." 

He nods and dances them over to the table for Mild to put down the money. "You're amazing, you know that?" He dips him and leans in so close it feels like they might kiss. "You're such a good friend. How do you do it?" 

He pulls him back up. Mild blushes and hides his face against his chest again. "Stop saying such nice things. I know they would do the same for me."

He looks back at him and nearly forgets how to breathe. Aa's smile is warm and tender and everything Mild swore off long ago. And yet here he is with Mr. Sex On Legs, getting lost in his eyes. They continue dancing, holding each other close like lovers. His feet are so sore but it's worth it to be held in those big, muscular arms. _Rawr_. How can such a hot body contain such a sweet man? Aa sings along with the music and, well, that's just too much romance for him. 

Mild nudges him backwards. "My turn," he says. 

Aa takes a step back and chuckles. "What are you-?"

"Just keep going…" he pushes him again. 

"But I-"

"Just a bit more." He nudges him a little further until he falls onto the couch. "Perfect!" He smirks and straddles his lap. 

Aa's eyes go wide before they narrow into a dangerous grin. There it is. That look that gets Mild's blood boiling. He runs a hand through Aa's hair, feeling him grab his ass. And when they kiss, it's like a volcano erupting. Fiery, forceful, and consuming. Mild doesn't consider himself a passionate lover, but something about this man brings it out in him. 

They part and stare at each other, both out of breath. "I thought you said you don't do reruns," Aa teases. How many times is he going to make this joke?

Mild rolls his eyes. "Then you better not repeat yourself."

"Not even that one thing you like?" 

Oh, fuck. Just the thought of it makes him shiver. "Okay, you can repeat yourself." He gives him a small kiss, followed by a bite on his bottom lip. "Especially that thing I like." 

They laugh and continue making out. God, he's such a good kisser. Mild can never get enough of him, no matter how many times they've played this game, no matter how much he tests Aa. The man loves a challenge and Mild loves being one. 

He rocks against his crotch, eliciting a low growl. Aa squeezes his ass again and he just can't help but wonder… "Think you can carry me, big boy?"

His senior laughs and beams up at him. God, what a handsome smile. "Who do you think you're talking to?" His hands scoop him under his ass and lift him up as he stands from the couch. 

"Oh my God!" Mild looks down at the ground. He wraps his legs around his waist and practically swoons. "Fuck, you're so hot."

He carries Mild to the wall and pushes him against it, grinding into him. He's going to lose his mind. This is some porn level shit right here. 

Aa covers his neck with kisses. "You're the loveliest thing I've ever seen," he breathes. It's enough to make him dizzy. 

"Shut up," he tells him, clinging to whatever stability he has left. Aa's kisses continue and he's quickly losing his grasp on reality. "I'm not even the most attractive person in the cast." 

Aa pulls back and looks at him. Warm and soulful eyes stare into his. "And yet I couldn't take my eyes off you." 

Ah, fuck. There he goes again, making him feel things. Making his gut do backflips and his heart to jumping jacks. Making him want to say those words to him that he swore he'd never say to anyone. He rolls his eyes instead. "That's because you heard I'm a slut."

His laugh is gentle and deep. Fuck, he's so sexy. Everything he does is so gentle and sexy. "I heard you're funny and clever and kind. The fact that you enjoy casual sex has nothing to do with it."

Uh-huh. "So you don't like fucking me?"

And there again is that grin. That mischievous, naughty grin. "I love fucking you," he whispers. Oh god, he's so hard. They both are. 

He leans forward and licks across Aa's lips. "Then what are you waiting for?"

_______________________

Mild curls and uncurls his toes. Everything feels so soft and luxurious after sex. The bedsheets, the pillows, Aa's touch as he wraps himself around him. The contrast of his smooth skin and his hard muscles makes Mild close his eyes and moan one last time. 

"Mmm…" Aa pulls him closer. "I take it you enjoyed yourself?" 

He nods, too blissed out to speak. Was sex always this incredible? He doesn't remember it being this incredible. He looks at his senior, whose expression makes him want to melt all over again. "Alai?" He asks. "Why are you looking at me like that?" 

Aa's laugh turns into a sigh. "Do you really have to ask?" He kisses his shoulder. Goosebumps run down his spine and he turns over onto his back. 

"It's late," says Mild. "I don't know if you have to get up early." 

Aa shakes his head. He's smiling already, because he knows this game. It's part of their ritual. "I don't have plans in the morning. What time do you have to be at the coffee shop?" 

Mild fidgets. He doesn't want to seem too available. "Noon," he says. He wishes it were a little earlier. Maybe he should have lied. "Why?"

Aa shrugs and leans over him. Handsome eyes. Handsome smile. Handsome, handsome, handsome. Mild could look at him forever. "I was wondering if you wanted me gone by a certain time…"

Mild holds his breath. The words are on the tip of Aa's tongue.

"...in the morning."

Mild exhales. He fights the rush in his stomach. He tries not to smile. But damnit, he wants to roll around in his bed and squeeze his pillow because Aa plans to spend the night. But the ritual isn't complete yet. 

"Are you sure you want to stay over?" The question is so rehearsed by now. 

"I'm sure."

"You wouldn't be more comfortable in your own bed?" 

"Only if you're there." 

Fuck, that's a new answer. He looks away to stop from smiling. If only the butterflies in his stomach would calm down. "You won't fit in my sleep clothes." 

His senior chuckles and tightens his embrace. "Why would we need clothes?" 

Okay, that's enough. He pats his arm and nods. "Alright, feel free to stay if you like." His laugh is nervous. 

Aa nuzzles into his neck. "I love that sound. I love all your sounds." 

"Well, I'm about to start snoring. You fucked all the energy out of me." 

"I love that sound, too." He laughs and kisses him along his shoulder. God, he's so affectionate after sex. Mild hates it but he can't get enough of it, either. "Why do you think I always sleep over after we…"

"Fuck?"

"I was going to say make lo-"

"Sex!" Mild interrupts. "After we make sex. Yup." He takes a deep breath. That wasn't subtle at all. 

Aa gives him the softest look before kissing his cheek. "Yes, after we make sex." He chuckles and presses a kiss to his forehead for good measure. "I can take a hint." He smiles and rolls onto his side away from Mild. 

Well, shia. What's the point of having tall, dark, and handsome in his bed if he's not using those hunky arms as a blanket? He sighs and props himself up on his elbow. "Come back na, Phi." 

Aa never needs much coaxing. He flips over and grins, which of course makes Mild grin and soon enough they're laughing and cuddling and oops, they're kissing again. 

_I like you,_ Mild thinks as he moans against his lips. _I like you more than anyone I've ever slept with._ It's a dangerous thought, one that shakes him to his core, but at the same time fills him with excitement. 

_____________________

Mild remembers this coffeeshop. They brought him here once on a double date. Disastrous. He spots his nong at the same table as last time. Ah, probably _their_ table. Shia, what a fucking mess. 

His friend's eyes gloss over when he sits down, when he realizes that Mild's presence means Mew isn't coming. Tears are already starting to form in his eyes. No, no, no. He smacks the wad of bills on the table. 

"Anything you want," he announces. "On me." 

His nong scoffs and turns away. "You mean on Mew. I know his style. He thinks he can just throw money at a problem and make it go away?" He pushes the cash back at Mild. "Well, I'm not a debt, I'm a person. I was the fucking love of his life. He thinks a couple of coffees and muffins are going to erase what we had?" 

Mild sinks into his chair. Maybe he shouldn't have led with the money. "He means well. He just doesn't-"

"He just doesn't love me." 

Ah, shia. He looks down at the table because he can't stand the look in his friend's eyes. He's seen it before in Mew. "What did you do before?"

"Alai na, Phi?" 

"You said you started missing him two months ago. What did you do between the breakup and then?"

He shrinks ever so slightly. His body language looks… guilty? Hard to tell why, though. What could have possibly made him leave Mew and suddenly change his mind a few months later? Unless… oh, god. "There was someone else, wasn't there?" 

His nong flinches. "Not exactly."

His hand is now a fist under the table. "What do you mean _not exactly_?" 

"I didn't cheat on him, if that's what you're thinking." He nods at Mild's strained arm. "I didn't leave him for someone. But I did want to date new people. So… I went out with a few guys." 

He rolls his eyes. "And that's when you realized how good you had it? When none of them treated you half as well as Mew did?" 

"I was scared of commitment, okay?" He pleads at him with his eyes. Big, round eyes that fortunately don't work on Mild. Who does he think he's dealing with here, Mew? 

He shakes a finger at him. "Oh, darling… you were afraid of giving up your social life, so you thought you'd go off and fuck a few guys and come back to Mew when you were ready to be a kept man?" He leans across the table and sneers. "Am I missing something?" 

His nong is trembling. Whether out of fear or anger, Mild can't tell. It's not often that he has to bring out this side of himself. "You're taking his side now, Phi? I can't help it that I got scared. You, of all people, shouldn't judge me about fear of commitment." He narrows his eyes and crosses his arms. "When's the last time you were in a relationship?" 

Mild has to laugh. "That's kind of the point, isn't it? So I don't break people's hearts like you did to Mew?" He holds up a hand. "No, don't argue. You can play the victim all you want, thilak, but at the end of the day, you fucked up. There, I said it. God, that feels good." He takes a deep breath and lets it out. 

"Fine. I did."

He shakes his head. "I've tried to stay neutral for so long. But why… _why_ didn't you just talk to him?"

The tears are flowing down his cheeks now. "What part of fear don't you understand, Phi?" 

"The part where your cowardice means more than another human being." He huffs and leans back in his seat. "Everyone says you broke his heart, but it's so much more than that, Nong."

"Huh?"

"You destroyed him." He closes his eyes because now he's starting to cry, too. "The mess you left didn't even resemble Mew. Anything you can think of that describes him… vanished."

"Wh-what do you mean, Phi?"

"He stopped eating, stopped singing and humming, he'd go hours without talking, and sometimes he'd sleep on the floor because he was too tired to shower." He glares at him now. "He almost missed the Tharntype audition because he was so out of it, and you know how seriously he takes work."

"I'm glad he still made it."

Mild laughs. "I hope that's true. Because at least then you still want the best for him. I really hope that's true, Nong."

"It is!" He wipes at his tears. "Even if it means he's found someone new. I do want him to be happy, you know." 

"Yeah, well…" Mild wants to say more. He wants to tell his nong all the vicious things he's stored in his head this whole time, but really, what would be the point? More heartache? More tears? That's not his style. He stands and pats his nong on the head. "What do you want to drink?" 

Mild stands in line, trying to block out his words. _When's the last time you were in a relationship?_ He remembers being that young, being terrified of signing his life away to someone. Being afraid that he'd spend the rest of his life belonging to someone and not to himself. Besides, what did relationships ever do for people? He almost let Mew convince him they were worth it, until the breakup, that is. 

His phone vibrates. Text from Aa.

** Pirate **

Miss you already. Dinner tomorrow night? 

Mild looks at his nong. He was a different person at his age. If he were in his place, would he have talked to Mew first before breaking things off? Or would he have run, too? 

** Teemild **

Busy


	6. The Other Nong: The Other Guy

"Alai wa?" Mild looks at his friend over his bowl.

Mew chews on his ice cream like some kind of animal. "We finally talked it out. We're going to be friends first."

"What the hell have you been this whole time?"

"Co-stars?"

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Half the crew thinks you're fucking. The other half thinks you're soulmates."

"And neither is true…" Mew takes another bite of his chocolate fudge brownie supreme.

Mild shivers. Why does he have to chew it? "So, friends, huh?" After the camping trip, it's a bit more than he expected, to be honest.

His senior sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "He wants us to get to know each other first. And he wants to give me time to heal before we start a relationship."

"Shia…" Mild puts his bowl down. "He's really fucking in love with you, isn't he?"

A smile spreads across Mew's face. He hasn't seen that smile in a long time. "So he says."

Mild breaks out into laughter. He's gotta hand it to Gulf. The little shit knows how to drop a bomb, that's for sure. " _Do you know, Khun Phi, that I'm in love with you?"_ He shakes his head. "Fuck, what a line. How long did your heart stop?"

"Three seconds."

"I'm sure."

"You're the only one who knows, by the way."

"Come again?" He raises an eyebrow. He was already composing several texts in his head. Pity.

"We agreed to tell one person each. He's telling N'Kaprao."

"The little pork bun? I like him. Nalak." He gasps. "Wait, so I'm your one choice? Wait. _Why_ am I your choice? Pee and Fasai were busy?"

"Hush, you know you're one of my best friends."

Mild crosses his arms. Since when did that make him his go-to confidante? Things like this usually go to one of his wiser phis. Oh, but of course. "You need my help more than you need theirs."

"Why do you always think of me as manipulative?"

"Because you're smart." He takes a scoop of Mew's ice cream. "You would have chosen the person you thought could get you through this, not someone you like the most."

"What if it's both?"

He waves him off. "Flattery will get you nowhere."

"You brought me ice cream."

"Flattery will get you somewhere." He sighs and nods. "Fine. I'll help your pathetic ass." He jumps when his phone vibrates in his pocket.

** Pirate **

Did you know that some parrots can live up to 80 years old?

"Text from your boyfriend?" Mew asks.

"Alai na, Phi?"

"You always look like that when he texts."

Mild puts his phone away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Mew rolls his eyes. "You think I've been too preoccupied to notice?"

"Oh? And how do I look when he texts? Dreamy? Lovey dovey? Swoony?"

"Pissed off." Mew laughs so hard he nearly falls back.

Ha ha. Mild grabs Mew's ice cream and scoops the entirety of its contents into his own bowl. "Proof that he's not my boyfriend. Whoever you think he is."

"Aa, of course." He wipes the tears in the corner of his eyes. "You're upset because he's breaking through those walls you spent so much time building."

"Never you mind that, dear." He takes a big spoonful. "Worry about your own love life."

"Is he still sending you parrot facts?"

"I'm about to jump into your bed without showering."

"Okay! I'll drop it na."

Shia, what a mess.

_____________________

Mild tosses in his sleep. It's fucking cold, and he can sense body heat just out of his reach. He scoots closer, throwing an arm around a pair of abs and caressing them. He's not even sure whose abs they are. Did he take someone home with him? Is he at someone's condo? Was the sex even good?

Whoever it is groans in his sleep. The voice is too generic for Mild to identify. All he cares about right now is that he's warm. The sex was probably bad if it was forgettable. Shia, he's not even sore. He needs a man he can still feel two days later, not this lame nonsense. Aa would never leave him so unsatisfied. He shakes his head. Why is he thinking about Aa? He can't even remember the last time they fucked.

A week and a half ago.

Shia. He clutches tightly at the man underneath him. A man who he hopes is gone by the time he wakes up. A man he's all too eager to forget. He already has, technically. He opens his eyes and looks at him. Oh, right. The guy from the bar. He was so cute. Shame he didn't leave an impression.

He looks around the room. Not his place. The clock on the nightstand says 3 am. No time like the present. He slips out of bed and gets dressed. There's a text from three hours ago waiting for him when he steps outside.

** Pirate **

Guess who found his James Bond DVDs! Might do an all night movie marathon, if you're interested.

He stares at the screen while he waits for his taxi. Should he even bother replying?

** Teemild **

Which one are you on?

** Pirate **

The Spy Who Loved Me

** Teemild **

One of my faves

** Pirate **

I'm only ten minutes in if you want to join. You're up pretty late

** Teemild **

...

** Pirate **

Ah. Sex was that bad?

** Teemild **

Waiting for a taxi

** Pirate **

I can give you a lift. It's not safe at this hour

** Teemild **

Don't you think that's a bit awkward?

** Pirate **

I know the deal, Mild. But I'm still your friend and I still worry about you. Please let me drive you home?

He sighs and cancels his taxi on the app.

** Teemild **

Fine. But I don't want to go home

** Pirate **

I draw the line at dropping you off at another guy's place

** Teemild **

Even if it's yours?

** Pirate **

Exceptions can be made. Send me the address.

"You smell like cheap whiskey," says Aa as he gets in the car.

Mild sniffs his shirt. "Bottom shelf. Man, I feel cheap."

"And here I thought I had actual competition."

He scoffs and leans his head against the window. "The competition is my freedom, not randos at the bar."

"Fair enough." Aa merges onto the motorway. "You want a shower and some fresh clothes when we get to my place?"

"Might as well."

"Good, I still have the stuff you left from last time."

Mild winces. _Last time_. Since when was he the kind of guy to have a last time, let alone several last times with the same guy? Since when did he leave things at other men's homes?

"On second thought, take me home. I'm too tired."

Aa nods, his demeanor unchanged. "You got it, boss."

Mild looks at his condo and sighs. "Thanks na for the ride. Sorry to interrupt the movie marathon."

"We can do a raincheck."

He ruffles his hair. Why does he feel so shitty? "I just… nevermind."

"Just let me know if you need anything."

His hand is a fist again. He's not sure if it's the cheap booze or the bad sex or the now-familiar ache in his chest that causes him to do it, but he reaches for Aa's hand and squeezes. "Do you want to come up?"

"Only if you want me to."

"I want you to."

____________________

He steps out of the bathroom in his towel to find Aa passed out on the couch. For all his ruggedly handsome good looks, he's awfully sweet-looking when he's asleep. It's one of Mild's favorite sights in the morning, seeing Aa looking so peaceful and cute. But it really shouldn't be. He's never liked waking up next to somebody. It's never a good thing to get so attached. Just look at Mew. Has attachment ever done him any good?

He nudges Aa with his knee. "Get up. You're gonna hurt your neck if you sleep like that."

He stretches and yawns, his tee shirt rising to show his six-pack. Tease. "You sending me home?"

"Bringing you to bed, silly." He helps him off the couch and leads him to the bedroom. "I'm still your friend and I still worry about you."

Strange, how familiar it is taking off Aa's jeans, sliding them down over his hips and removing his shirt. Something they've done too many times to count. But instead of kissing, there's only laughing. Instead of sex, there's sleep. Mild tosses the covers over him and puts on a pair of boxers. Their shirtless torsos brush against each other under the blankets and he half wishes Aa would hold him. Would he stop him if he tried?

Mild looks over his shoulder, ready to tease him into getting what he wants. It's not hard to get Aa to cuddle. But he's already asleep. Might as well.

________________________

The bed is empty when he wakes up. Was it all a dream? But the faint trace of expensive aftershave tells him it was all real. Aa was here, but he obviously had somewhere better to be. Poetic justice, he supposes. Waking up alone just like his one night stand from the bar.

"I can't believe you're out of coffee." Aa appears in the doorway with a to-go cup. "Two creams, two sugars."

He groans and takes the cup. "I wonder, would you still be this good to me if we were dating?"

"Nope."

"At least you're honest." He takes a sip and sighs. "Shia, that's amazing."

Aa laughs and sits next to him. "If we were dating, I'd have brought you breakfast in bed."

He rolls his eyes. "If there's one thing you're good at, it's room service."

They laugh and share a chaste morning kiss. "I have to go," says Aa. "Text me if you want to have dinner this week."

"I won't."

"I know." He winks and sees himself out. Mild will probably text him tomorrow to get sushi.

His phone buzzes and he can't stop the smile that spreads across his face. Stupid romantic. Probably an _I miss you_ text.

** Baby Nong **

I still can't stop thinking about Mew

Ah, shia. Not what he wanted to deal with first thing in the morning.

** Teemild **

Give it some time

** Baby Nong **

I need to speak with him. I need some closure.

** Teemild **

You really think you get to make that kind of demand?

** Baby Nong **

Please help me, Phi. Before I do something stupid.

Mild chugs the rest of his coffee. Ain't no rest for the wicked.


	7. Behind Every Great Man: The Other Phi

January 2019

Fasai yanks off her rubber gloves with a snap. The drying rack is full of glistening dishes from the past two weeks, which is about three bowls, one plate, and two glasses. Mild wasn't exaggerating when he said Mew wasn't eating much. 

She brings her ex a fresh glass of water and shoves it into his hand. "Don't argue. Just drink." 

He sighs and gulps it down. "You should go home. I know you have work to do."

"Oh, darling." She laughs and pats his head. "When will you stop underestimating me? I brought it all here." She gestures to her briefcase. 

"I don't want to be a bother."

"Then eat something so I'll stop worrying." 

He rolls over on the couch and groans. "I already ate."

"Don't lie."

"Not lying."

"Don't make me call Mild."

"Fine, I'll eat." He stands and heads for the kitchen. "Shia, you did the dishes?" 

She lies down on his spot. It's barely warm. "Feel free to redo them if they're not up to your standard."

"I might have to."

She laughs and closes her eyes. "You know domesticity isn't my strong suit." 

"That's an understatement." 

A smile spreads across her lips. "Looks like someone got their claws back." It's nice hearing Mew's bitchy side again.. 

He returns with a banana. It's a start. "Well, I know you won't baby me the way Mild does." 

"Nobody babies the way Mild does." She sits up so he can join her. "Listen, I know I didn't always like your ex. Don't look at me like that. But I really am sorry about your breakup. It's only been a few weeks, but it'll get better, I promise." 

He leans against her shoulder, deflated from all the crying. Hard to believe not long ago he was in a 2-year relationship. And happy. Supposedly. "How do I move on from this, Fasai? How do I breathe again?" 

She wraps her arm around him. "Find purpose."

"Easy for a lawyer to say."

"Everything is easy for a lawyer to say." She pokes his nose. "Now, let me take care of dinner. I'll make my specialty."

He raises an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"

She winks and pulls out her phone. "Reservations. Get dressed." 

_____________________

"A _what_?" Fasai makes a face. She taps on her legal pad with a pen. "Is this like an intervention?"

"No," Mew groans over the phone. "It's my co-star, Eye. She wants to have a get-together to give me support or something." 

"How sweet. Are you sure she doesn't have a crush on you?" 

"Stop na. It's not like that. She _is_ sweet."

"This is about that boy, isn't it? Gulp or something?" She holds back a laugh when she hears him sigh. 

"You know his name."

"Gull, was it?" 

"Fasai…"

"Gum!" 

"I'll see you tomorrow." He hangs up. She cackles and shakes her head. She can't wait to hear more about this Gulf. 

___________________

Fasai looks at the young woman standing in Mew's kitchen. She's so small, but her presence fills the entire room. Large, curious eyes watch her and a smile appears that makes Fasai hold her breath. It's sweet but tempered with a kind of mystery and a kind of knowing, as if daring her to come closer. Daring her to test her mettle. So, this is Eye. 

"And you must be the brains of the group," Fasai says to her. "What's it like babysitting grown men?" She ignores the sounds of indignance from Mew and Pee. 

Eye seems frozen in place. She stares back as if trying to take in every detail in front of her, just as Fasai finds herself doing. The girl is absolutely breathtaking. 

Pee walks over and nudges the little nong with his elbow. A sort of strangled sound comes out of her mouth. Nalak. "Yes." She blinks a few times. She looks around, as if emerging from a haze. Her eyes travel back to Fasai and she smiles radiantly. "At least they're housebroken."

And she's funny, too. Fasai turns to Mew. "Allow me to ask the obvious, dearest. Why aren't you in love with this young woman instead of another pretty boy with pouty lips?" Although she hopes he doesn't listen to her. 

Pee makes a hmph noise and Mew rolls his eyes. "Don't make trouble Fasai…" Oh, but making trouble is her favorite pastime. 

She moves next to Eye, hooking their arms together. Her skin is soft and warm and she smells like vanilla. "Tell me, is he really that pretty?" 

Eye looks down at their entwined arms, confused but pleased. She nods. "Like an angel." 

"A cherub," Pee specifies. 

"Guys…" says Mew. He's so cute when he's flustered. 

Fasai can't help it. She leans in toward her Nong. "He can't be prettier than you, can he?" Eye nods, but Fasai shakes her head. "I shouldn't have asked you. You're too modest. Who's got a picture of this cherub for me?" 

"Just one?" Asks Pee. Trust that he would have plenty of visual references.

Mew sighs and takes a large swig of his beer. "Just give her your damn phone. How many pics of him do you have?"

"They're wardrobe shots for work, you bitch," Pee snaps at him. "Here, love. With makeup, and then swipe left for without." 

Fasai studies his face on the screen. Well, he's certainly pretty. Very pretty. Doe eyes, round cheeks, and plump lips. Of course Mew's smitten with him. Her boy certainly has a type. 

"New, he's breathtaking." Fasai swipes left and smiles. "Even without makeup. Such eyes, like a deer. And, well, those lips say everything, don't they? Just enough for you to bite." She can't help but look at Eye when she says it. And she can't help but enjoy when Eye gulps in response. 

"Fasai…" Mew starts.

She looks up and smiles. "Congratulations, New my love, you've found a boy who's exactly your type." She turns to Eye and tugs on her arm. "I bet he's a brat, isn't he?" And god, she hopes Eye is one, too. 

_____________

Fasai has her hand over Mew's mouth, because sometimes that's what it takes to shut him the fuck up. She notes with fascination the way Eye watches her, especially when she holds him down as he struggles. She has to wonder if the little darling likes what she sees. Mew licks her palm and she hisses at him. He sure knows how to ruin the mood.

"Bad," she scolds. She wipes the saliva on his shirt and clamps her hand over his mouth again. She tightens her grip for extra measure. "You know it's no use fighting me." Why does he still underestimate her?

He gives her that look that tells her he's so done. Fasai returns the expression. "Ask nicely and I'll let you go." He rolls his eyes and taps lightly on her hand. "Was that so hard na?" She releases him and he sits up, rubbing his jaw. 

Eye giggles behind her hands. It's like bells. "P'Fasai, you remind me of how Gulf acts with P'New… I mean P'Mew!" She blushes and takes a swig of her beer. 

Fasai leans over to Mew and whispers, "She's lovely." 

He widens his eyes at her. "Don't…" 

"Why not?" She snaps. "You're not going after her. Is she taken?" 

"No, but she likes men." A likely story. 

She waves him off. "Like that's ever been a problem for me." She grins and winks at him. Mew rolls his eyes. There he goes again, underestimating as always. 

Pee looks at them, clearly catching on to what they've said. He picks up his bottle and holds it up as if to tell her good luck. She grins and returns the gesture. 

"So," says Fasai, directing her gaze at Eye. The blush in her cheeks is mesmerizing. "Gulf orders him around?"

Eye looks at Mew with big eyes, as if asking permission to respond. "Well…"

Tsk tsk. Fasai can't have that, now can she? "Don't look at him," she orders. "Look at me. He won't get mad at you for telling the truth, will you, New-New?" In case Mew forgot that there were two doms here tonight. 

Eye still looks hesitant, but she answers anyway. She clearly recognizes who has the most power in the room. "Kha. Sometimes he tells him what to do, but other times he doesn't even have to say anything. Gulf just kind of…"

"Helps himself," Pee finishes. "In the morning, off he goes to sit in Mew's lap or snuggle next to him on the couch like it's the most normal thing in the world. I'm telling you, Fasai, that boy owns him." 

Mew whines and hides his face in her arm. "Make them stop." 

"As if, this is good shit." 

"Oh," says Eye. "And it's like P'Mew already knows what Gulf wants. Like how he gets hot easily, so he's always fanning him or pulling him over to the aircon vent between scenes. At least, he did that when I was on set."

"It's always," Pee confirms. "And the precious thing doesn't like talking that much. Shame, really. His awkward, lilting speech pattern makes my heart melt. So, guess who runs interference and does all the talking?" 

Fasai feigns disbelief. "Mew? Dominating the conversation? Never!" She laughs and pats his head. "Oh, New-New. You're not even dating and he's already got you trained." 

Mew sits up again. "He's straight," he says. "I should have opened with that."

Pee scoffs. "Yeah, so am I." 

"Right. Me, too," says Eye with a laugh. She freezes, her eyes widening. She looks at P'Pee in shock. Mew and Fasai exchange looks. He really should stop underestimating her. 

______________________

"N'Eye," Fasai calls out as they leave Mew's condo. 

Her junior turns to look at her. She's lovely in the moonlight. "Kha?" 

"Tonight was a pleasure," she says, stepping closer. "I hope we'll see more of each other."

Eye blushes so sweetly that Fasai has to steady herself. "Phi… the pleasure was mine." 

In that case. "Would it be presumptuous to ask for your number?" 

"Alai na, Phi?" The tilt in her head is endearing. Fasai has the urge to squeeze something because she's so cute.

"How else would I ask you to breakfast tomorrow?" 

Eye's face is bright pink, even in the darkness. "Oh… Phi, I'm afraid I have class in the morning." 

She shrugs. "Lunch?" 

"Study group."

For fuck's sake. Fasai has never had to work this hard for a date in her life. She laughs and takes a deep breath. "Should I bother asking about dinner?" 

Her nong shrinks and looks at the ground. "Family thing." 

Well, that's it. She reaches for Eye's chin and lifts it with the tip of her finger. "Dessert?" 

Big, beautiful eyes stare back at her. "Kha." 


	8. Behind Every Great Man: Something To Remember

Eye has never seen anyone so beautiful in her life. Or so glamorous. Or charming. Or terrifying. Yes, terrifying. But at the same time, so _exciting._ Like a goddess and a villain and a dominatrix all in one, but she's so nice, too. And Eye is having a little trouble managing her feelings. She can scarcely breathe with the way P'Fasai looks at her. Like she wants to play with her or worship her or devour her. And well, Eye _loves_ it. 

She takes another lick of her ice cream. Perhaps she's being a little too flirtatious about it. Her senior seems to enjoy the show all the same. "So, you're a lawyer. Are you a shark?"

Fasai grins. It is, indeed, shark-like. "What do you think?" Her smile is so alluring that Eye has to swallow hard.

"I think you're intimidating." 

Her grin turns into a smirk that makes Eye shiver. "Are you intimidated?" The sultry timbre of her voice washes over her. 

"I didn't say that." 

"Good."

But the answer is yes, and it feels so exhilarating. Eye looks at her senior's hand with her long and slender fingers. She remembers seeing that hand strained over P'Mew's mouth, holding him down. She remembers the spike in her pulse and the ache in her chest when she watched her scold him. Most of all, she remembers wishing that she were in P'Mew's place instead of him. 

"Don't you like your dates to be a little scared?" Asks Eye.

The look on her face catches her off guard. Did she misunderstand? Was this not a date, after all? The look vanishes and becomes something sinister. "Scared, no." She leans over and caresses Eye's hand. "I prefer my dates to keep up with me."

Eye bites on her lip. She's never been so attracted to someone before. She swallows again before looking her senior dead in the eye. "I'm a quick learner." 

______________________

"They're coming through the trapdoor!" Eye aims her gun at the two zombies on the screen. Headshots. 

"Very nice." Fasai looks over and grins. 

Eye shoots to the side to reload. "Not bad for my first time at an arcade." 

Fasai nearly drops her gun. "Alai wa?" 

She doubles over with laughter. "Lo len na, Phi!" _Just kidding_. "Watch this." She takes Fasai's gun and hits the continue button. 

The next chapter begins and Eye dual wields her way through the level. 

Fasai gasps and steps closer. "I've never been more turned on in my life." 

She tosses the gun back at her. Fasai nearly misses it, being caught by surprise. "Can Phi keep up?" 

Something ignites in Fasai's eyes. Lust. Fascination. Awe. Eye can't help but feel confident in this moment. If her senior thought her a timid little good girl, she has another thing coming. 

"Come on," she puts the guns back in their holders and leads Fasai to the photo booth. "I need something to help me remember this in the morning." 

Her senior laughs and pulls the curtain shut. "Am I that forgettable?" 

Eye looks up at her. God, she's so tall. "It's not that na, Phi. It's just that I'll have trouble believing I went out with someone so beautiful." She can't help her shy smile afterwards. Rarely is she this bold. But something about Fasai brings it out in her. Like if she doesn't seize every opportunity, she'll regret it for the rest of her life. 

Her senior smiles and caresses her cheek. "I'm the one who will be in disbelief. Do you know how lovely you are?" 

Eye wrinkles her nose. "Lovely, no. Cute, yes. I'm very cute, don't you think, Phi?" She smiles, giving her all the charm she has. 

"The cutest." She leans forward. "I've wanted to kiss you since the moment I saw you." 

Eye needs no further encouragement. She rises up on her toes and presses her lips against Fasai's. She meant to be tender, but her hunger has the best of her, and the kiss is fierce and needy. Her body aches for her touch, and just like that, her senior's hands are at her waist, backing her against the wall of the booth. Her kisses are like fire and thunder and how quickly they consume her. 

"I have a feeling you're going to be an adventure," Fasai whispers. She licks along Eye's bottom lip and pulls away, leaving Eye trembling. Even in the darkness of the booth she looks terrifying and regal. Can she hear the thumping of her poor little heart? 

Fasai slips a few baht into the machine and studies her. The intense gaze holds her paralyzed. The camera flashes, capturing the moment. Fasai kisses her again, caressing her cheek as the second flash goes off. How tender her phi is, how soft her lips feel. How can someone so frightening be so gentle? And yet, Eye hopes she's not _only_ gentle. Her question is answered as Fasai grabs her wrists, pinning them to the wall by her head as another flash illuminates the room. She can feel her pulse hammering against her senior's grip. She struggles against her, playfully, teasingly, and is rewarded by Fasai's tighter grip. _Yes._ And finally she kisses her way down to Eye's neck. Her teeth sink into her flesh as the final flash goes off. The pain of it excites her and brings out a whimper that turns into a moan.

Fasai licks at the bite. "Something to remember me in the morning," she breathes against her skin. 

______________________

Eye closes her front door and leans against it. She touches her lips where Fasai kissed her goodnight. They're still tingling. Effervescent bubbles fill her stomach as she thinks about her gorgeous senior and her intoxicating kisses. Was it real? Just yesterday she was knee deep trying to resurrect P'Mew's love life, and now she's having a romance of her own. With P'Mew's ex girlfriend. She gasps, having only remembered it now. Should she talk to him about it? Isn't there some kind of rule against that among friends? She pulls out her phone. 

** Eye **

Phi, can I ask you a sensitive question? 

** P'Mild **

No, I've never had sex with Mew

** Eye **

👀

** P'Mild **

Oh, was that not your question?

** Eye **

...how often are you asked that?

** P'Mild **

You don't want to know. Anyway, what's up?

** Eye **

It's about P'Fasai

** P'Mild **

👀 You met her?

** Eye **

Yes

** P'Mild **

Ah, so you're in love with her?

** Eye **

Does everyone react that way?

** P'Mild **

Pretty much. You either want to be with her or be her.

** Eye **

Well, the thing is…

** P'Mild **

Just don't go out with her. Mew will be furious

** Eye **

He will?

** P'Mild **

He's very protective

Eye stares at the words on her screen. Shia. Why didn't she think about this beforehand? How could she have been so naive? But she thinks about Fasai's commanding presence, her fierce eyes, and the seductive way she talks. Could she have said no to her, anyway?

** Eye **

Phi… I think P'Mew is about to be very upset with me

** P'Mild **

👀 Oh, Nong, you didn't…

** Eye **

How mad do you think he'll be?

** P'Mild **

Let's just say the last time someone tried to get with P'Fasai, Mew stopped talking to them

** Eye **

Seriously?

** P'Mild **

No, not seriously. I'm joking. You'll be fine. 

** Eye **

PHI!

** P'Mild **

😂 You must have it bad

** Eye **

…

** P'Mild **

He will caution you against it, tho. He'll try to protect you

** Eye **

From what?

** P'Mild **

Fasai is not for the weak of heart. She can smell fear

** Eye **

I'm not afraid

** P'Mild **

Oh, darling… you should be.

Eye looks at the pictures from the photo booth, of Fasai pinning her to the wall and biting her neck. She'd never been so wet in her life. Maybe she's a fool for not being scared. Or maybe she's in denial and she's terrified. She touches her lips again and swoons. 

She looks back at the pictures and sighs. "Something tells me you're going to be an adventure." 

____________________

One of Eye's classmates stops her after their morning lecture. His name is Curb, if she remembers correctly. He mumbles something about how cute she is. "Do you want to go out sometime?" 

"I'm flattered," she says with a smile. "But I'm already seeing somebody." Her answer catches her by surprise and she puts a hand to her mouth.

Curb chuckles. "You don't seem so sure about that." 

She looks away and touches her lips like she did last night, remembering the intensity of her senior's kiss. "I'm not," she confesses. "We just went out last night." 

"So, does that mean I still have a chance?" 

She looks back and shakes her head. "I'm afraid not. I'm kind of crazy about this person." Her cheeks flash hot as the words leave her mouth. She knows it's soon, but she can't help that it's true. 

He rubs the back of his neck. "Hey, no sweat. Lucky guy." He waves and walks off. 

Eye giggles to herself. Lucky girl. Woman, actually. She's been with girls before, but never anyone like Fasai. Never an actual grown-up with a full-time job. A lawyer, at that. It dawns on her how young she must seem to her senior. How juvenile, even. Is that why she took her to an arcade? 

____________________

Fasai doesn't call or text until the next day. Eye looks at the screen, wondering if she should let it go to voicemail so she won't seem so available. But she decides to answer, because isn't that what a mature and secure adult would do? 

She takes a deep breath. "Hello?" 

"Hi." How does her voice sound so sultry already? "Would it be too forward of me to admit I can't stop thinking about you?" 

Eye grips her phone for fear of dropping it. "Some people might think so." 

"Then I won't tell them." 

She smiles so wide she can barely see. "And what kinds of thoughts has Phi been having?" 

"Entirely wholesome, I can assure you." 

"Liar," she says, laughing. "After what you did to me in that photo booth." 

"I'm sure it's seen worse." 

Eye swoons at the sound of her voice. So velvety and seductive. There's a part of her that wants to hear that voice telling her what to do. 

"So, what did you call about na, Phi?" 

"When can I see you again?" 

Butterflies storm her stomach. The want in Fasai's voice is palpable, and she feels a pang in her chest that calls out for her. "When would you like to see me?"

How beautiful her laugh is. "Are you home? I can pick you up from your place in twenty minutes." 

"Some people might say that's too forward."

"Then I won't ask them."

She laughs, surprised by her Phi's humor. "Twenty minutes, huh?" 

"If traffic is good. Is that a yes?" Her eagerness makes Eye feel tingly all over. 

"And where would you take me?" 

"Wherever you want."

No pressure, then. She makes a list of all the grown-up, mature places that an adult would want to visit. Like a coffee shop or a bookstore. Someplace that won't make Fasai think of her as a child. "I'll tell you how to get there when you pick me up. See you in twenty minutes." She hangs up and rushes to her bedroom. Twenty minutes to do her makeup and put on something cute. 

______________________

Eye's heels echo on the concrete floor of the shop. She glances behind her as Fasai follows, her long and elegant fingers trailing along the edge of the shelf. 

"You know," says Fasai, catching up and whispering in her ear. "When you said we were going to Sex Record Shop, I didn't think it would be an actual record shop." 

She gives her senior a fake pout. "Sorry to disappoint. Maybe we can do the sex shop another day." 

Fasai raises an eyebrow. "Don't think I won't cash in that raincheck." 

She rolls her eyes and continues browsing. They've left pop music and are now in the rock section. 

"No way…" Fasai looks through one of the bins and pulls out a record. "I forgot how much I love this album."

Eye looks over her shoulder. The cover is bright green with the picture of a man's head cut open to reveal a sort of music box instead of a brain. "Silly Fools? Never heard of them."

She runs her hand over the front. "My brother had all their CDs and I would sneak into his room to borrow them."

Eye laughs and rubs her arm. "Should we text him a picture to tease him?" 

Fasai tenses under her touch. She clutches the record to her chest and shakes her head. "Nah, it's okay. Don't worry about it. I wonder if they have their other albums here." She flips through the rest of the bin.

Eye lets go of her. What was that? Her brother must be a sore spot. Maybe they don't get along anymore. Maybe he has a problem with her sexual orientation? She shakes her head. It's not her business. 

"Zeal… Bodyslam… Ab Normal." She smiles and pulls several records out to examine them. 

Eye giggles at the sight of her Phi so giddy. "I've only heard of Bodyslam. What kind of music are you into?" 

She looks up, beaming. "I guess… I guess it would be classified as late 90s - early 2000s alternative rock?" 

She laughs and looks at the stack Fasai has created. "I didn't think Thailand had much of an alt rock scene." 

"It doesn't." She sighs and pulls out another. "God, I don't know what I'm doing. I suppose I could just stream this stuff."

She tilts her head to study her senior. "When's the last time you listened to any of it? And do you even own a record player?" 

Fasai laughs and nods. "Yes, it's quite old, but it still works. I don't think I've listened to any of this since…" her eyes glaze over and she looks away. "Since university." 

Eye senses another sensitive topic. She's starting to sense a pattern here. Of course her crush would be a woman of mystery. She smiles and pats her arm. "Well, I guess it's time to rekindle that love." 

Fasai nods and picks up her stack with a smile. "Your turn. What do you like?"

Eye closes the distance between them. "I like you, Phi." She smiles wider when she sees the blush appear on her senior's cheeks. 

"Some people might think that's too forward," says Fasai.

"Then I won't tell them." 

________________________

Eye nudges her senior as they walk through the shopping center. "Interested?" She points to a flyer for a film festival this weekend. 

Fasai reads off the sheet. "All-night movie marathon of classic black and white films." She looks at her and smirks. "Are you up for old movies?"

"As a matter of fact," Eye says with her hands on her hips, "I love old movies." 

Fasai takes a picture of the flyer and grins. "Two dates and we're already spending the night together." The thought makes Eye shiver in a good way. It's not the same as sleeping in the same bed, but it's exciting nonetheless. 

"Together with a whole bunch of strangers."

"Kinky." Fasai laughs, but it turns into a sigh. "I was hoping we could have dinner tonight, but I have a business dinner instead. If I'm home early enough, can I call you?" 

Butterflies. Lots and lots of butterflies. Eye nods, aware that she looks as bashful as she feels. She's not used to someone so straightforward, so transparent about her feelings. Is this what it's like dating an adult? 

Fasai steps closer and brushes the hair out of Eye's face. "Shall I drop you off at your condo now?" 

"Yes, Phi." 

Her grin is suggestive. "I like when you say that." The intensity of her gazs stops the breath from Eye's lungs. Has she ever seen someone so beautiful? How she wishes she could kiss her right now, in public, in front of everyone. She really hates behaving. 


	9. Behind Every Great Man: All Night Long

** Fasai **

How are things with our boy?

** Mild-Mild **

Meh. He and the pretty one are like puppies- cuddling, sniffing around each other, fighting

** Fasai **

Nalak

** Mild-Mild **

They stink

** Fasai **

And the ex?

** Mild-Mild **

Haven't talked to him much. But he hasn't mentioned Mew. 

** Fasai **

Good.

** Mild-Mild **

You really hate him, don't you?

** Fasai **

I don't trust him

** Mild-Mild **

You don't trust anyone

** Fasai **

Of course not, I'm a lawyer

** Mild-Mild **

I'll keep you updated if anything happens

** Fasai **

Thanks, Mild-Mild

** Mild-Mild **

Yeah, yeah. Btw, I hear you've got a new admirer. Go easy on her when you let her down. She's a sweet girl

** Fasai **

I have no intention of doing that

** Mild-Mild **

👀. Are you… ❤️?

** Fasai **

I believe so, yes. 

I like her. 

** Mild-Mild **

Well, well, well… 

** Fasai **

It wouldn't hurt you to find someone you like

** Mild-Mild **

Oh, darling, I don't think so

** Fasai **

I recall a rather impressive specimen showing interest in you. Aa, was it? 

** Mild-Mild **

Just a quick fuck.

Well, not quick 😉

** Fasai **

I'm not Mew. I know when you're lying

** Mild-Mild **

He's too… nice. Nobody is that nice. 

** Fasai **

Excuses

** Mild-Mild **

Yeah, yeah

_________________________

They find their seats in the back of the theater. Eye is beyond giddy as they settle in with their neck pillows and blankets. She looks so cute in her drawstring pants and floral crop top, but the strip of exposed skin proves distracting. Fasai wants to reach over and caress her tiny waist. 

She puts down her massive bucket of popcorn and sighs. "Did you wear that shirt to tease me, Nong?" 

Eye gives her a look. "Presumptuous, aren't we? Who says I dress for you?"

She rolls her eyes and grins. "Regardless, it's working." She relishes the sparkle in her eyes as she smiles.

"Phi…" she nudges her. "Behave yourself, we're going to be here all night." 

Fasai pouts and makes a whiny sound. "Aow. Do you have any idea how crazy you're making me?" She leans her head on Eye's shoulder. The vanilla scent of her junior is intoxicating. It only makes her wonder what she tastes like. 

"You're one to talk, Phi," she whispers. "Wearing a sleeveless blouse. Your arms are…" she moans as a way of finishing her sentence. 

Fasai looks at herself. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't proud of her toned arms. Okay, so maybe she's showing off. Maybe. She tries to stifle the tingling sensation of knowing Eye's been admiring her. 

"Presumptuous?" She teases her junior. "Who says I dress for you?" 

The lights go down around them. "Shhhh, it's starting." Eye motions for the popcorn.

She sighs and hands her the bucket. "Yes, dear." 

Eye wasn't kidding when she said she loves old movies. Her attention is glued to the screen as she shovels popcorn into her mouth. Every now and then, she mouths the words and swoons. God, she's so cute. 

She catches her staring and smiles at her. "This is a good part, Phi." 

Fasai turns to the screen. She doesn't even know what movie it is. Something about King Chakra of the Ayutthaya Kingdom. She looks at the festival program in the dim lighting. _The King of the White Elephant._ Eye grabs her hand and squeezes. Her excitement is contagious, and Fasai finds herself grinning, too. 

It's not long before her attention is back on her junior. There's something magical about the way her eyes light up in the faint glow of the movie screen. Something so captivating in the movement of her lips whenever she mouths the words. Fasai reaches for her cheek and turns her head to face her. 

"Phi?" 

Her question is swallowed by Fasai's kiss. Just a small one. A soft, tiny kiss to satiate the gnawing in her chest. Eye reciprocates with cute little pecks of her pouty lips. Her touch is gentle and sweet, which only taunts Fasai even more. She wants the rough and needy kisses of their first date, the passion and abandon that she felt that night. 

Eye tastes like popcorn and Fasai licks at the salty flavor on her lips. "Sorry, I just-" but Eye is kissing her again. Buttery kisses that make her delirious. She reaches for her stomach, melting at the feel of her soft skin. It only makes Eye kiss her harder. Soon her fingers are running through her hair, tugging and making Fasai lose her mind. 

She pulls away and looks around the theater. They have the back row to themselves and the people in front of them are two rows down. Nobody seems to have noticed. She chuckles, brushing Eye's cheek with her thumb. 

"I think I can behave now," she whispers. 

Eye shakes her head. "We'll see how long that lasts." 

Fasai lasts about an hour, but only because she drifted off. She opens her eyes to the sight of Eye's warm smile. 

"Asleep by the second movie. Tsk tsk na, Phi." 

She yawns and stretches. "And just how much sleep do you think lawyers get?" 

Eye giggles and leans close. "You'll get even less with me." 

"Is that a promise?" 

She closes the distance and kisses her again. "Do you really have to ask?" 

Fasai closes her eyes, letting her words sink in. She's never been this crazy for someone, never been this needful. "Shall we get breakfast in the morning?" 

Eye hesitates. "Well, P'Pee said he'd stop by to drop off a book." 

"Well, invite him, too." 

"About that… he's already seen me in this outfit." She winces, looking down at her clothes. "We had coffee today, and he even complimented my blouse."

"Don't want him to think you've had a walk of shame?" 

She nods and bites her lip. "But if I can get home early enough, I can shower and change before he gets there. And then maybe breakfast after all?" 

"Shai." 

They head to the concession stands during intermission. Eye buys them slushies and they walk around the mall to stretch their legs. 

"Nong?"

"Kha?"

Fasai reaches for her hand. "Do you think we're spending too much time together?" 

Eye pauses. She blinks a few times and looks away. "Well, I did worry you would think so." 

Her stomach tightens as she studies her junior. Eye hasn't looked back at her yet. "But do _you_ think so?" 

She shakes her head. "Honestly, no. I mean yes. I mean…" she sighs and lets go of her hand. Their eyes finally meet. "I know we've been hanging out a lot. And I know some people would think it's too much." 

"So don't hang out with them."

She laughs and it's the sweetest sound Fasai has ever heard. "Behave. I know it's a lot, but I've really enjoyed it. So, I guess what I'm saying is, it's not too much for me." 

That's all she needs to hear. She looks around to make sure they're alone before taking her hand again and kissing it. "Good." 

_______________________

The final movie ends and Fasai checks her watch. 7:30 in the morning. She looks over at Eye, her breath catching at the sight of her asleep. How lovely she looks, face serene and lips curved in a smile. Lips that Fasai can't stop kissing whenever she gets the chance. Lips that make her dizzy and tingly and even shy. But that's what she likes about her junior, her ability to render her spellbound with that mysterious and knowing smile. With those large and sparkling eyes. With her bold wit and sweet nature. 

There's something about her junior that seems so innocent, but Fasai knows that can't be the case. No, there's something erotic and incendiary underneath the surface that she can sense in the way Eye looks at her and melts at her touch. Something in the way she responded in the photo booth when she slammed her wrists against the wall and held her captive. Something that craves more of what Fasai can give her. And god, does she want to give it to her. 

The lights come up in the theater and she reaches over to stroke Eye's hair. "Thilak, time to wake up." 

She groans and squirms in her seat. "What did you call me?" 

"You heard."

She stretches, making the cutest noises. "Yeah, but I wanted to hear it again." Her smile is dreamlike. 

"In that case," she leans in close to her ear. "Morning, thilak." _Darling_. 

_________________________

** Thilak **

Shia. P'Pee was here when I got home 😣

** Fasai **

Lol. What did you tell him?

** Thilak **

That I stayed at a friend's to study

** Fasai **

You realize you don't have any books with you? 

** Thilak **

Shia. I should have just told him the truth

** Fasai **

Why didn't you? 

** Thilak **

Idk 😣 I didn't want him making assumptions? But now he definitely is… 

** Fasai **

What are you afraid of, Nong?

** Thilak **

I don't want anyone forcing us to define our… whatever… until we decide what it is

** Fasai **

Fair enough. I'm going to shower and change. Text me when you're ready for breakfast? 

______________________

Monday meetings are always the worst. Fasai collapses into her chair and rubs her temples. She needs more coffee. She needs more sleep. She needs more chocolate. Her desk drawers are devoid of snacks. She'll have to bring more tomorrow. 

Her assistant enters with a cup of espresso and a bag of seaweed chips. "Don't die yet," he says, handing her the coffee. "I need you to sign a stack of paperwork, look over a couple depositions, and approve my raise." He winks and tosses the seaweed at her. 

She catches the bag and sighs. "Paperwork, check. Depos, check. Raise, nice try." She smirks and takes a sip of espresso. "Didn't I just give you a raise three months ago?" 

"Yeah, but that was three months ago." 

"Get out."

He laughs and heads for the door. "Oh, and a young woman stopped by with a package for you."

Fasai looks up with a strip of seaweed hanging from her mouth. "Huh?" 

"She brought two bags of that seaweed." 

"Where's the other one?" 

He grins. "It was delicious." 

Fasai shakes her head. "You can consider that your annual bonus." She pauses. "Who was the young woman?" 

His smile turns conspiratorial. "Oh, some university student. Brown hair, big, innocent eyes. She looked heartbroken when I told her you were in a meeting." 

Her heart is pounding. Eye came by her office? But that can't be right, she doesn't know where it is. And she doesn't know what firm she works for. She shoos her assistant away and pulls out her phone. There's already a text waiting for her.

**Mild-Mild**

He's been acting weird

** Fasai **

I don't have time to play 20 questions. You'll have to be more specific. 

** Mild-Mild **

I think Mew's been having nightmares. He naps almost everyday on set, but he seems troubled whenever he wakes up. 

** Fasai **

Is that all? 

** Mild-Mild **

Idk I just think something is off. I can feel it. 

** Fasai **

He hasn't heard from the ex, has he?

** Mild-Mild **

I don't think so. He'd be way worse if that happened. I don't think he'll be a problem, though. 

** Fasai **

Don't be so sure. If there's one thing that fuckwad is good at, it's ruining things just when they start going well. He's going to be a problem before this whole thing is through, mark my words. 

** Mild-Mild **

Ever the optimist

** Fasai **

I know scum when I see it

** Mild-Mild **

Hey, he's still my friend

** Fasai **

Yes, but why?

** Mild-Mild **

Because I understand his fear. If I had been in his place, I might have done the same thing

** Fasai **

You wouldn't have let it get that far

** Mild-Mild **

Only because I'd never get into a relationship. And that's because I know I'd end up doing the same thing he did

** Fasai **

You're too hard on yourself and not hard enough on your precious "baby nong"

** Mild-Mild **

I've got it under control, Phi 

** Fasai **

Don't disappoint me

** Mild-Mild **

Wait, what should we do about Mew?

** Fasai **

Try telling him a bedtime story

She switches to her chat with Eye, but another text interrupts her. 

** P2 **

Are you going to play nice, or do I need to drag the information out of you?

** Fasai **

Torture won't work on me, P'Pee. I'll only enjoy it. What do you want?

** P2 **

You know what I want, tomato. Explain to me why the little sweet pea came home the other day in the same shirt she wore the day before. 

** Fasai **

Why do you assume I know anything about her wardrobe or hygiene habits? 

** P2 **

Cut the bullshit, lychee dear. I can tell when you're in heat. I'm just glad you're seeing someone nice for once. I'm happy for you

** Fasai **

Oh, you've changed tactics. That sort of thing may work on Mew, but you're dealing with the evil genius here, not the Boy Wonder

** P2 **

Does Eye know what a big nerd you are underneath that overpriced makeup?

** Fasai **

I take offense to that. I bought this makeup on sale

** P2 **

Honestly, it's nice to see someone following their heart for once. Mew's being a drama queen, and Mild's gone through half the men in Bangkok

** Fasai **

Don't get me started on Mild. His ass gets more visitors than Disneyland

** P2 **

The little spring roll doesn't want to get hurt. He's seen the three of us go through enough breakups to be scarred for life

** Fasai **

What about that big guy with the birds? 

** P2 **

Oh. 

You mean Aa? 

That man is scrumptious

** Fasai **

Not what I was asking

** P2 **

What, him and Mild? Trust me, you don't want to go there

** Fasai **

I do now

** P2 **

First tell me about you the little darling

Fasai rolls her eyes. She should have seen this coming. It's exactly what Eye was talking about. 

** Fasai **

Nice try, Phi, but you're not the only gossip game in town. 😘

She chuckles and once again, goes to her chat with Eye. 

** Fasai **

Either you came by my office or I have a secret admirer

** Thilak **

What if I came by your office on behalf of your secret admirer? 😋

** Fasai **

Thank you for the seaweed snacks. How did you know they were my favorite? 

** Thilak **

You told me 555. You also told me where your office is.

** Fasai **

When?

** Thilak **

During the movie marathon. We got back from the bathrooms during the second intermission and we chatted

** Fasai **

👀

** Thilak **

You don't remember?

** Fasai **

I'm sorry. I must have been half asleep

** Thilak **

But… you told me you love me

** Fasai **

Nice try

** Thilak **

It was worth a shot 😋

** Fasai **

I really am sorry I forgot our conversation, though

** Thilak **

You can make it up to me over dinner

Fasai grins and checks her calendar. Perfect. 

** Fasai **

I'm attending a gallery opening Friday night. Would you like to be my date? We can grab dinner before.

** Thilak **

Sounds fancy. I'm in.

_____________________

Fasai watches her junior from across the art gallery. How lovely she looks in her pink dress, admiring the sculpture in front of her. She walks around the piece, craning her head from side to side to appreciate the angles. 

She brings Eye a flute of champagne. "Thoughts?" 

"It's incredible," she breathes. There's a kind of winsome look in her eyes. "Just looking at it makes me feel like I'm dancing." 

Fasai studies the sculpture. A marble figure of a woman in a flowing dress with an arm and leg outstretched as if running toward something. The fabric of the dress is carved so thin you can see through parts of it. Exquisite.

"Don't laugh," says Eye, "but I've always wondered what it's like to be a piece of art and have someone admire me. Is that vain, Phi?" 

Something in Fasai's brain clicks. "I'm the wrong person to ask. I think all women should be vain. We're masterpieces." She runs her hand up Eye's arm and smiles. "I wonder, have you heard of Kinbaku?" 

She shakes her head. "Is that Japanese?" 

"Yes." She reaches for the sash on Eye's dress and slides it between her fingers. "It's the Japanese art of erotic bondage. The artist ties up their lover in intricate and often uncomfortable positions to induce both pain and pleasure. The model becomes living art while entering a subspace of arousal as they are suspended from the ground." 

There's a spark of something in Eye's expression. Curiosity? Excitement? "Sort of like s&m?"

"It's considered such, yes. It's meant to be an intimate experience for both the rigger and the model. An exchange of trust and stimulation." 

Eye's smile is shy now. "You know a lot about this stuff, Phi." 

She laughs and leans in close to her ear. "I should, I've been doing it for three years now." Something buzzes between them. "Nong, I believe you're vibrating." 

"I shiver when I'm excited."

She laughs again. "No, I mean you're literally vibrating. Your phone is going off." 

"Oh!" She reaches into her dress pocket and pulls it out. "It's P'Pee calling." 

Of course. "Mew's probably being an idiot, as always. Go ahead and answer." She rolls her eyes and takes a large swig of champagne. Cockblock.

"Hello na, Phi?" She bites nervously at her lip. "Kha. Shai kha. Again na kha? Okay na. Oh… at an art gallery thing?" 

Fasai raises an eyebrow. What's that nickname-peddling gossip queen up to now? 

Eye nods. "Kha. Okay na kha." She hands the phone to Fasai. "He wants to talk to you." 

Oh, for fuck's sake. "Alai na? How did you know I was here?" 

"Pleeeaaaase," drones Pee. "You're so predictable. It's the most pretentious gallery opening in all of Bangkok tonight, and you wouldn't miss it for the world." 

"What do you want?" 

"Intel on you and N'Eye, for starters." He snickers over the line. "But for now, I need the little darling to coax Mew out of his room. He and the cherub have been sulking at each other all day, the lovesick idiots." 

"Why does it have to be Eye?" 

Pee sighs on the other end. "You of all people should know nobody can say no to her." 

"Well, why are you talking to me, then?" She takes another sip of champagne. 

"To tell you to go easy on the little rhubarb. I can see your boner from Samet Island." 

"You won't have to worry about that," she replies, winking at Eye. "I suspect she likes it rough." And with that, she hangs up on him. 

Her junior's eyes widen. "Alai na?" 

Fasai hands the phone back. "Looks like you've got an assignment." 

She shakes her head and starts texting. 

** Eye **

Get outside na, Phi. You're no good in your room. 

Fasai reads over her shoulder and snickers. "Do you always talk to him like you're omniscient?"

"Yes."

"Excellent."

** P'Mew **

Tell Pee not to drag you into this

Fasai rolls her eyes. She tells Eye to deny everything.

** Eye **

P'Pee hasn't said anything to me. A woman knows. 

"Is that your catchphrase?"

"Yes, don't tease." Eye gives her a scolding look. Nalak. 

** P'Mew **

A woman knows bc someone told her. Tell Run to leave you out of this mess

Fasai groans. "Stubborn bastard. Tell him Run's phone is dead."

** Eye **

P'Run's phone is dead. 

** P'Mew **

Then turn off the hidden camera bc that's creepy

"Of course his voyeur ass would jump straight to that." She shakes her head at Eye. Her junior giggles and lets out an exasperated sigh. 

** Eye **

Ok it was P'Pee. He told me to tell you that your guitar is still outside. Might rain again.

"There. That's all I'm willing to put into P'Mew's love life tonight." She tucks her phone back into her pocket. 

Fasai laughs. "Thank goodness you don't indulge him the way Mild does." 

She grins in a mischievous kind of way that makes Fasai's heart flutter. Adventure, indeed. "So, tell me more about Kinbaku?" 

_______________________

Fasai cuts another piece of her eggs Benedict. "This is amazing, try some." She feeds it to Eye. Her face lights up and she moans. 

"Mmm, so good." 

Fasai raises an eyebrow. "I should feed you more often." 

Eye giggles and scoots closer. "I won't object to that." She bats her eyelashes and smiles. Nalak. Fasai feeds her another forkful. 

"Oh, I have something to show you," she hands her phone to Eye. "Keep scrolling."

Eye looks through the pictures and gasps. "Is that glow in the dark paint? N'Gulf looks so… hot." 

"Someone certainly thinks so." She reaches over and scrolls to the next picture. It's Mew looking utterly whipped. 

Eye leans against her shoulder and giggles. "Well, we have to tease him." She pulls out her own phone. 

** Eye **

I heard Phi lost his shit when the pretty one had his shirt open

Fasai smirks as she reads the message. His reply comes immediately. 

** P'Mew **

Ok, who's your informant? Run or Pee?

Her junior snickers and types back.

** Eye **

Please. Snitches get stitches. Fess up na about the shirt. A woman knows.

** P'Mew **

Then why bother asking?

** Eye **

Because you want to talk to someone about it, obviously. 

** P'Mew **

Mai aow

"Liar," says Fasai. 

** Eye **

Yes, you do

** P'Mew **

I'm not texting about this so that you can take screenshots

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. "He's always been so suspicious."

Eye chuckles. "I've got this."

** Eye **

Fair. Group slumber party it is. I'll rally the troops. 

They both laugh as she sends the text. Eye turns to her and grins. "Are you free tonight, Phi?"

"Absolutely."

** P'Mew **

Wait, no!

** Eye **

Too late. Already asked Fasai. She's in.

** Mew **

...it's been five seconds. How did you…

They freeze and look at each other. Fasai shrugs and they burst into laughter. 

** P'Mew **

No. 

Eye, did you…?

** Eye **

Calm down na, we're having brunch 

** P'Mew **

Nong, be careful na khrab

Eye looks at her with wide eyes. "What's that about?" 

Fasai grins at her. "Don't you know? I'm evil." Eye rolls her eyes and laughs.

** Eye **

Of what? You make her sound like a bad person

** P'Mew **

She's a wonderful person. Just…

"Just that I'm a psycho, Mew." Fasai growls at the phone and laughs. She mimes strangling him. "That wasn't sarcasm, by the way." 

Her junior nods. "Noted."

** Eye **

Alai na?

** P'Mew **

It's very easy to fall for Fasai. Be sure you know what you're doing.

Eye turns and studies her. She presses her finger against her chin. "Hmm… easy to fall for, huh?" 

Fasai winks at her. "Is it working?" 

"Like I'm going to tell you." She sticks her tongue out. 

** Eye **

Well, Shia. I wish you had told me that yesterday before I slept with her… 

They giggle into each other's shoulders and laugh even further when Mew responds.

** P'Mew **

Alai wa???

** Eye **

LMAO. You're too easy. It's just brunch! Go flirt na with the cherub. We'll see you tonight.

She sighs and leans back in the booth. "Is it always this fun to mess with P'Mew?" 

"Always."

______________________

Eye's condo is everything Fasai imagined it would be. Cute boho decorations, small houseplants scattered around the place, and one of those furry pink rugs. A young person's apartment, for sure.

"I have the perfect outfit!" She dashes to her bedroom. After a second, she calls out to her. "Aren't you coming na, Phi?" 

Fasai takes a deep breath. She didn't expect to see Eye's bedroom this soon, and certainly not under these circumstances. She follows her and smiles as soon as she sees it. 

The bed has a white metal frame with a garland of fake pink roses woven through the bars. Twinkle lights and a mesh canopy cascade from the ceiling. All over the walls are photos of friends, family, and travel. She can't tell if the dresser and nightstands are old or designed to look old. It's so fashionable these days for things to look vintage. And the record player on her bookshelf is the same bright turquoise color as the cheap little rice cooker in the kitchen. Definitely a young person's apartment. 

"I was caught off guard when you took me to that record store. I'm still surprised you know what one of these is," says Fasai, running her hand over the modern record player. 

"Everything old is new again." 

She chuckles. "There's hope for me yet." 

Eye rolls her eyes. "You're four years older than me. Technically, you shouldn't be familiar with one, either." 

She laughs and looks through her music collection. "True. I vaguely remember cassette tapes." 

"Aha!" She pulls out a bundle of clothes. "I'll be right back." She steps into the bathroom to change. 

Fasai looks at the books on her shelf. Textbooks, mostly. But some romance novels, spy thrillers, and a copy of the Kama Sutra. Well, that's promising. And travel books. Lots and lots of travel books. Brazil, Ireland, Norway, Japan, Italy, Peru, Haiti… she was right when she said Eye would be an adventure. 

"Ta-da!" Her junior returns wearing green pajamas with E=mc2 written all over them. Nalak. She loves an intelligent woman. 

Her hand reaches out and feels the soft fabric. Eye's cheeks flush pink. How lovely. "Adorable. Tell me, what made you choose chemical engineering?" 

Eye smiles wide with large, bright eyes. "I want to improve energy production and find an alternative fuel source." 

"My Lexus thanks you." 

She giggles and does a little twirl for her. "I'll just pack an overnight bag and I'll be ready to go." 

______________________

"Whoa…" Eye's mouth falls open as they enter Fasai's condo. 

Fasai tries to see it from her junior's point of view. What does Eye make of her old world aesthetic and pretentious art? Mew once said her place looked like somewhere Sherlock Holmes would live. She admits the large globe that opens into a mini bar is a bit eccentric, but can she help it if she enjoys a bit of eccentric refinery? 

Eye steps into the center and does a 360 turn to view everything. "This is what I imagine fancy flats in London look like." She giggles and shrugs. "Your condo is probably as close as I'll ever get." 

Fasai joins her and strokes her hair. "Nonsense. An adventurous spirit like yours shouldn't be confined to Thailand." 

Once again, her cheeks turn a lovely pink that makes Fasai's chest swell. The very sight of her does something to her stomach that she hasn't experienced since her university days. Since Mew. It was love at first sight then, and she suspects it's love at first sight now. 

"Does Phi have cute lawyer pajamas? Possibly with little scales of justice?" 

Fasai laughs and runs her hand down Eye's arm. "I'm sure you would love to see that. But no, I'm quite boring, I'm afraid." 

Her junior pouts. So cute. "We'll have to fix that. Let me take you shopping someday?" 

Fasai suspects she'll indulge Eye in whatever she wants, but she'll keep that to herself for now. "Shai. Come, I'll let you pick out my clothes." She laughs when she sees the spark in her eyes. 

"So much lace, Phi." Eye holds up yet another corset. "I'm sensing a pattern here, Mistress." 

Eye is teasing, of course, but the title stirs something in the depths of Fasai's stomach. It's the primal part of her that seeks control and domination. The part that she wants so badly to unleash on her sweet Nong. "The next drawer has more comfortable attire." 

"I should hope so." Eye holds up a pair of handcuffs. Her smirk leaves Fasai wondering if she's only teasing or if she's intrigued. 

She returns the smirk. "Those are for when I'm too lazy to set up proper restraints. Something to use in a pinch, you know?" 

Her junior gulps and slowly returns them to the drawer. "Emergency handcuffs. Why am I not surprised?" She opens the next drawer. "Is this where you keep the riding crop?" 

"That's in the closet."

"Oh. Well…" she brings out a pair of grey cotton pajama pants and the matching robe. "It's no dominatrix getup, but I'm sure these will suffice for a slumber party. Maybe a tee shirt or a tank top to go with it?" 

They pack her overnight bag, during which Eye stumbles across a few collars, cuffs, and a paddle. "Definitely a pattern," she notes. "Is this a hog tie kit?"

Fasai startles. "How do you know what that is?" 

She grins and runs her fingers over the leather. "I have one in pink." 

Well, shia. Now it's her turn to gulp as she closes the distance between them. "And who usually wears it?" 

Eye leans in close, as close as she can with her height. "You'll just have to find out." She pushes her back with one finger. "But not tonight. We've got work to do." 

Liquid fire courses through Fasai's veins. She's never wanted someone so much, and the teasing is driving her insane. Leave it to her Nong to be the one to dole out the torture. She's never had to wait like this, and the ache of it is exquisite. 

She shakes her head and sighs. "Mew owes me big time." 

_____________________

She watches as her ex finally arrives at his condo, full of chaos and flirting between Pee and Bosser. That poor man. She approaches Mew for her own hug and touches his cheek. Is he glowing? "Love looks good on you, New-New."

He rolls his eyes. "I'm not in love na." He brings his bags to the bedroom. 

Fasai lingers in the doorway, watching him empty his duffel. "Maybe not, but you're definitely falling. Don't deny it." She's seen it first-hand before, after all.

He sighs and sets his toiletries bag on the dresser. "I don't deny it." He sits on a chair next to the bed and groans. "What am I doing, Fasai?" 

"Unpacking."

He snorts. "Glad to see you're still a smartass."

She restrains herself from rolling her eyes. "You're unpacking your past, you dick." She laughs at him. "If I know you, you've been analyzing your previous relationships looking for an excuse not to pursue this one. Am I right?" 

She can see the wheels turning in his head. He leans against her shoulder. "Yes." 

"Well, quit it," she orders. "It won't do you any good to augment yourself to suit your previous lovers. If this cherub is the right one, he'll love you for being you." Why is he so dense sometimes?

He looks so earnest. "Shouldn't I try to learn from my mistakes?" 

"Of course." She pushes him off and rummages through his dresser drawers. She pulls out a pair of pajamas with panda bears and tosses them at him. She does love how cute he is at times. "The problem is, you keep looking at your exes' mistakes and mistaking them for your own." 

Typical Mew, always taking responsibility for other people's shortcomings. She hopes Gulf will help him get past that. But maybe it's a lesson he has to learn for himself. She smiles and heads back to the living room.

Eye looks up and scoots over on the couch for her. The gesture is small, but it warms her heart to see her expecting such things. Whatever this is between them is progressing at the speed of light, compared to Mew and Gulf. Her ex always has to make things complicated. 

"How is he?" Eye asks. 

"Pathetic," she says with a chuckle. "Lovesick, I'd say. Our boy has it bad. I'd very much like to meet this pretty one who has Mew so enthralled." 

"He's lovely," says Eye. "So gentle and soft spoken, even though he's so tall. Taller than you, Phi. And he smiles easily, it makes you fall in love with him." 

"And the brattiness?" 

She makes a face. "I think it only manifests around P'Mew, and maybe P'Mild. He's quite docile otherwise. You know how cats like to lie around all day to conserve energy? He's kind of like that." 

"But around Mew?"

Her expression livens. "Cheeky. He likes to tease P'Mew. And flirt with him." 

Fasai raises an eyebrow. "What kind of flirting?" 

"Mostly I've heard about it, but apparently he's not shy about saying things to P'Mew, if you know what I mean." 

Fasai can't help the smile that spreads across her face. Mew definitely has a thing for candor. He likes to be surprised by what his partners do or say. It seems the more she hears about Gulf, the more suited he seems for Mew. Which is good, since she really didn't like the last one. She's not one to say _I told you so,_ but she did tell him so. 


	10. Behind Every Great Man: A Woman Knows

Eye can't stand the guilt. It's obvious that P'Mew knows something is going on between her and Fasai, but it just won't sit right with her until she tells him herself. Except she doesn't know how. Or she does, and she's frightened to admit her feelings so early. 

She follows him into the kitchen. "P'Mew kha?" She joins him at the counter. "So, it's not really a physics problem that I wanted to ask you about."

"I figured." He serves more food onto both of their plates. "You have questions about Fasai."

More than ever, she appreciates how straightforward her Phi is. She reaches for his arm and squeezes. "P'Mew… oh, shia how do I say this na?" She tugs on his sleeve. She hadn't come up with the words to express her feelings. All she knows is the effect of being around Fasai, the white hot searing in her chest that cries out for her touch and attention. "Phi… she sets my heart on fire."

Mew closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Does he remember what it felt like to be spellbound by her charm? He opens his eyes "Nong…" he sets down his spoon and runs a hand through his hair. "I advise you to take your time with Fasai. She's an incredible woman, and it's easy to surrender to her allure." 

Eye nods and swallows. "I'm scared, Phi." Not of how quickly they're moving, not of the whips and handcuffs, but of the persistent yearning inside her. Of the instantaneous reaction when they first met. Is she naive to consider the possibility of love at first sight?

"Good." He laughs and rubs her arm. "Keep your wits about you na. Make sure you truly know her before you make a decision. You mustn't idolize her or put her on a pedestal." 

Spoken from experience, she's sure. She steps closer and leans in toward him. "Is it as dangerous as it seems to be in love with her?" 

He gives her a smile that's probably meant to be comforting. "Worse."

__________________

Eye lets out another yawn. She can't keep up with the discussion anymore. It's just Mild, Mew, and Fasai talking now. They're giving him some kind of advice about not changing himself to be the man his ex wanted him to be. She adjusts her pillow and snuggles into the blanket.

Fasai looks over and reaches for her hand. "Sleepy na?" 

She nods and brushes her thumb over her skin. "Staying up?" 

"Only for a bit longer. New-New is being stubborn."

"Am not."

P'Mild chuckles. "He's being an idiot." 

Eye nods at her seniors. "We are all fools in love," she says. 

Fasai looks at her with something mysterious in her expression. "How true." She laughs and turns to the boys. "Can I help you, gentlemen?" 

P'Mew and P'Mild look away suddenly, pretending to glance around the room. "Can you believe the traffic today?" P'Mild asks. 

She and Fasai giggle and soon enough she's drifting off to the sound of their voices.

______________________

"I just don't think it's meant to be," says Fasai. 

Eye pouts and puts the cat pajamas back on the shelf. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Let's keep looking." She drags her to the next rack of clothes. "Tell me more about yourself, Phi. It will help me get a better idea." 

She runs her hands over the colorful prints and sighs. "Well, I don't have a lot of free time because of work. But I like collecting art…"

"Already knew that."

"I like to make art, too." 

Eye pauses and looks at her senior. "Really? What kind?" 

She shrugs and Eye can see the faintest hint of blush seeping into her cheeks. Is Fasai getting bashful? "I paint a little. Some clay sculpture. That's about it." 

Warmth rushes to Eye's face as she imagines her phi in front of an easel, flecks of paint on her cheeks. "Oh!" She reaches for Fasai's hand and holds it up to reveal a green smear on her pinky. "So, that's what this is!" 

Fasai giggles and rubs at the spot. "So it is. You know, you could have just asked me." 

She lets her hand trail up her arm. "This is fun. Tell me more about yourself." 

"Your turn first." 

Oh. She hadn't thought about that. It hadn't occurred to her that someone as worldy and fascinating as Fasai would be interested in learning about her. She racks her brain for something to share. "Um… I'm excellent at hula hoop." It's not as impressive as being an artist, but it's still worth bragging about.

Fasai laughs and pulls her close. "I'll have to see that some day." 

"Phi…" she squirms away. "We're in public na!" 

She rolls her eyes but concedes. "Nobody cares what women do. We could hold hands all day and people would think we're nothing more than best friends." 

"Holding hands is one thing, but pulling me close like that…" she gives her a playful warning look. "Anyway, it's your turn." 

Her senior sighs and moves on to the next clothing rack. "I loathe being outside. I'd much rather spend the day in a museum or a library."

Eye giggles. "I love being outside. I like the beach and I like hiking and having picnics." She tilts her head and smiles. "The sun and fresh air is good for you, Phi. And you don't want to get a vitamin D deficiency." 

"I _do_ have a vitamin D deficiency." 

"Phi!" 

"I take supplements. What about these?" She holds out a set of pajamas with doughnuts on them. 

"Do you like doughnuts?" 

"Yes?" 

Eye shakes her head. "I'm not convinced. What's your favorite food?" 

"Fried chicken."

Eye laughs at the seriousness in her voice. "Really?" Of all things, she never expected something so common. "I thought maybe filet mignon or some other fancy dish." 

It's Fasai who laughs this time. "I really do come off as pretentious, don't I?" She finds a set of pajamas with fried chicken drumsticks and she makes a startled noise, followed by a soft gasp. A smile spreads across her face that exudes pure joy. Eye loves these moments, when her senior seems so innocent.

"I wouldn't say pretentious. More like refined?" 

"I hate to shatter the illusion," she says, holding the pajamas up to herself in front of a mirror. "But as much as I enjoy fru-fru things, I also like watching football in my house clothes and eating KFC." 

Eye can't help the surprised laugh that comes out of her. She tries to picture her elegant phi lounging on her leather couch in sweatpants, eating chicken from a bucket with a football game blaring on the TV. "I just can't see it," she confesses. 

Fasai laughs and gives her a sympathetic smile. "I'd invite you to watch the game this Saturday, but it's at 1 am." 

"Alai na, Phi?" 

"It's British Premier League, so it's 15:00 England time." 

Eye makes a face. 1 am? It wouldn't be the first time she's stayed up that late. She's a university student, after all. And it would be worth it to see this other side of her phi. "I don't mind," she offers. 

Fasai's eyes light up. "Are you sure? Do you even like football?" 

"Yes?" 

"I'm not convinced." She smiles all the same. "But I can't pass up an opportunity to spend time with you. I'll wear my fried chicken pajamas." 

Eye smiles and grabs her hand. "It's a date." Her smile widens as Fasai blushes again. Her senior is becoming quite the surprise. 

_________________________

Eye can only stare as Fasai dunks another chicken strip into her ramekin of sweet chili sauce. The bite she takes is enormous, and she licks her lips to collect the crumbs. She's never seen her phi this unrefined, though she had been warned. She sits sideways on the couch and stares at her. 

"Alai?" Fasai asks with her mouth full. Her eyes are glued to the screen. 

Eye giggles and scoots closer. "Phi is nalak," she coos. 

Her senior glances away from the television and smiles at her. "You're bored, aren't you?" 

"A little bit." 

Fasai laughs and licks her fingers. "Okay, give me a second." She puts the chicken away and washes her hands. "Come here." She sits back down and opens her arms.

Eye feels tingly curling into her embrace, feeling her senior holding her close and running her fingers through her hair. "Sorry na, Phi." 

Fasai laughs and kisses her forehead. "Football isn't for everyone. What do you enjoy doing?" 

Eye looks at the screen. "Um, we can talk after the game, if you want." But her senior is already muting the TV. 

"Yes, but I have you here now. Besides, it's recording. I'll watch it later." 

"I didn't mean to distract you…" Her face flushes hot.

Her smile is so radiant. "You're my favorite distraction." 

She snuggles even closer to her. "Incorrigible flirt…" she pinches a bit of Fasai's sleeve between her fingers. "I still can't believe I watched you eat a whole box of chicken strips while watching football in fried chicken pajamas."

Her senior chuckles. "You must think me quite the snob to be so surprised about it." She laughs even harder and leans back against the sofa. "I didn't always have money, you know. My family came into their wealth when I was a senior in high school. It's the only reason they could afford sending me to university." 

Eye nods. "I didn't mean to assume. Can I ask what your parents do? My father is an assistant manager for a catering company, and my mother works at a pet salon." 

Fasai hesitates for a moment. Her smile is thin-lipped and strained. "It's not important." Her eyes soften after a moment. "What you need to know is that I'm very much a normal person. Does that help?" 

"Kha." It helps, but once again Eye finds herself faced with another wall from her senior. Another topic being skirted around. Anytime she brings up family, it's like she doesn't want Eye to have anything to do with them. Is it a sensitive matter? Or is it a boundary that Fasai is setting?

"What's the matter?" 

Eye looks up, distracted from her thoughts. "Alai na, Phi?" 

"What are you thinking about, thilak?" 

The nickname makes her heart flutter. "About you," she answers. It's the truth, after all. "About… where we stand." 

Fasai leans in and smirks. "Truthfully I'd rather be lying down with you than standing, but I guess we can talk about it." She combs through Eye's hair once more. "I want to be with you. I want to take care of you." 

A smile spreads on her face that she can't control. Her heart is going crazy. Can Fasai see the flush of her cheeks in the dark? She nods and leans up to kiss her. 

"I want to be with you, too, Phi." 

Fasai wraps her arms around her waist and pulls her in. "I'm suddenly quite disinterested in the football game." She kisses her again, claiming her lips just as she's claimed her heart. 

_________________________

"I've really enjoyed getting to know you," says P'Mew. His voice is staticy over the baby monitor. 

Eye squirms under her blanket on the couch. Her phone says it's 2 AM. P'Mew must be having one of his dreams. She reaches for her notebook to take notes like P'Mild instructed. Time, content, tone of voice. So far, P'Mew sounds calm. His breakup with Mint sounds mutual.

"Hello khrab?" 

Eye looks over at the baby monitor. Is P'Mew talking to her? 

"Fasai," he says. She freezes. Why is he talking about Fasai if he's already dreamt about their breakup?

"What's hummur matter?" P'Mew mumbles. "Armhum... okay?" 

Eye hesitates. Is he awake? Is he on the phone with her? She pushes the covers off and gets up to wake him.

"Fasai… sorry na…" The pain in his voice is evident, even through the crappy speaker. "Parents and brother… can't believe they're gone… I'll go with you to the morgue…" 

Eye's hand flies to her mouth. She sinks back down onto the couch, stunned and silent. Parents and brother. Gone. Morgue. It all makes sense now. Fasai's uneasiness whenever she brought up her family. It wasn't that she didn't want Eye to meet them. It's that she never can. 

"Nong?"

P'Mew stands in the hallway, looking at her with groggy eyes. He looks at the baby monitor and nods. 

She sniffles and wipes her tears. "I didn't mean to snoop," she says. "I woke up at the end of your breakup, but the rest was over so quickly." 

He joins her on the couch with a loud sigh and places his arm around her. 

"She never told me," she tells P'Mew.

"I imagine not. She doesn't like people to pity her."

Fresh tears roll down her cheek. "I was so stupid to ask about her family. And here I thought she didn't want them to meet me." She's sobbing now, curled against P'Mew's chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. 

He rubs her arm. "Trust me, she would have brought you home to meet them." 

Somewhere deep down, she knows it's true. She knows it in the way Fasai looks at her and talks to her and indulges her, that if she could, she would introduce her to her family. 

"Thanks, Phi." 

"Come on," he says, rising from the couch. "Let's get some water and go back to bed na."


	11. Behind Every Great Man: Didn't We Just Clean This Mess?

Fasai adjusts her strapless bra. She just had to go with an off-the-shoulder gown, didn't she? All this effort and Eye won't even see her in it. At least Mew has the hottest entourage. She and Pee never disappoint. They enter the reception venue with heads held high, shoulders back, and dressed to kill.

"Two o'clock," Pee whispers. He jerks his head toward Mew's ex. 

She nods and steers Mew in the opposite direction. "I just saw a waiter carrying a tray of giant prawns. Would you be a darling and grab me three?" 

He raises an eyebrow. "Three?" 

"You're right, what am I thinking?" She giggles. "Make it four. That's a good boy." She nudges him and waves goodbye. 

Pee leans over her shoulder. "Can I get one of those prawns?" 

"There are no prawns."

"Oh, you evil thing!" 

She shrugs and snatches a flute of champagne from a tray. "That should keep him busy for a while." 

____________________

The room appears to be dancing. No, wait. She's the one dancing. But the room seems to be dancing with her. It's not that she's drunk. She's just not _not_ drunk. 

She holds onto Mew's arm for support as they waltz. "And then she said, get this, she said… she said, you're not going to believe what she said, New-New!" Fasai shakes her head. "She said… shia, I forgot…" 

Mew laughs and gives her a twirl. "You're right- I can't believe it." Damn right.

She brushes his cheek with her hand. "How are you, my beautiful mess? Do you want more wine?" Because she definitely wants more wine. 

"I think you've had enough for both of us."

False. She's not drunk. She wobbles a bit and Mew gives her a look. What? She's not drunk, okay? 

She pinches his face. "Get on my level, Suppasit." She lets go and giggles. "Did I just say that? Who was that?" Maybe she's drunk.

He pats her waist where he's holding her. "How about we get more cake?" 

She nods. "I do like cake." 

"Ahem." 

Mew and Fasai turn to see him. As in, _him._ He stands with his hand outstretched, eyes looking expectant. "May I cut in?" 

For fuck's sake. Who does the little shit think he is? 

Fasai's expression hardens in an instant. "No takesies backsies," she snarls. She catches herself and looks at Mew. "Who said that? Was that me? Am I drunk?" 

She's probably drunk. 

Mew nods at her. "It's okay, Fasai." What the fuck does he mean by _it's okay?_

She twists out of his arms. "No, it's not." She points a finger at _him_. "No cutting. You've done enough damage." Or cutting in. Whatever. 

He holds up his hands. "I just want to talk." 

"You've had months to do that," she snaps. "You didn't want to talk when Mew lost 7 kg? Or when he couldn't sleep?" 

Mew touches her shoulder. "Fasai…" Ugh, it's his placating tone whenever she's being too aggressive. "Today is about Tigger, remember?" God, she hates when he uses logic. 

She pulls away from Mew's touch and glares at _him_. "You were right, you know. I never did like you. Come, on Mew." She pulls on his hand. 

Mew follows her, but she feels something tugging. She looks back to see his ex pulling on Mew's other hand.

"Five minutes," he pleads. Fuck, he's giving Mew the sad puppy eyes. "And I won't bother you again after that." 

Mew squeezes Fasai's fingers. "Just five minutes," he tells her. "You can watch us from the table and time it." Damn right she will. She can't fucking believe this is happening. 

She growls and pokes _him_ in the chest. "If you hurt him again, don't think I won't hit you just because you're a little boy." She pulls out her phone as she returns to the table. "P'Pee! Help na, Phi. The little- he just showed up! That little fucking twerp, he- well, he- look!" She points to Mew and that fucking _snake_ dancing together. 

"You left them?" 

She throws her hands in the air. "He just- and he was like _may I cut in?_ Who does he think he is, James Bond? Fuck that kid. Fuck him!" She groans and struggles to start a timer on her phone. Why are the numbers so blurry? "He just- and then Mew said five minutes- and it's on my phone- but he said- he said it was okay. He said it was _okay._ Pee, heeeeelp me, darling, I think I'm inebriated." She sinks into her chair and starts sobbing. 

Pee's arm wraps around her. "Little bok choy, it's okay, baby. Look, they're fine. He looks fine. And maybe- hey! Get back here, you little hoe." He beckons at Mild with the crook of his finger. 

Mind shuffles forward, placing a hand on Fasai's arm. "What's wrong?" 

"That little… fuck him." She wipes at the tears in her eyes. "I said I would protect him tonight and he's fucking dancing with _him_. Pee, I failed, honey. I'm so sorry…" 

He pats her head, smoothing out her hair. "You did great, green bean. I think they needed to talk. Get closure."

Mild shakes his head. "He doesn't want closure."

"Alai fucking wa?" She snaps. 

"He wants to get back together with Mew."

Pee stands on his toes to look through the crowd. "Shia… there, I see him. Mew's coming back. He's getting blocked in."

Fasai growls and stomps toward the dance floor. She reaches into the sea of drunk bodies and yanks him out. He looks shaken and confused. Didn't she warn Mild? Didn't she fucking tell him that bastard was going to cause trouble? Why doesn't anyone listen to her?

_____________________

Seaweed snacks, shrimp crackers, coconut rolls, and Oishi teas. Fasai hands her baht to the cashier. Fuck, she's so munchy today. 

"You have the taste of a ten year old," says Mild. He pays for his protein bar and bottle of water. 

"Wurever," she says with a mouthful of seaweed. 

They sit on a shaded bench in the middle of a nearby park. Thank goodness for the breeze, otherwise she'd be cursing him out for picking the spot. Although, she may as well get used to the outdoors if she ever wants to join Eye on her hikes or picnics or trips to the beach. Eye in a bikini just might be worth the sun exposure. 

"So, how'd the coffee date with _him_ go?" 

Mild sighs. He looks so old right now. "I snapped at him. Went off a little." He looks up at the tree branches above them. "I wanted to say so much more. I try to be a good friend, Fasai. But that day, I just…" 

"You know what your problem is?" 

"Indigestion?"

"Your life revolves around your friends."

"The horror!" He cluches his face. 

Fasai wraps her arms around his shoulders and shakes him. "You need to be the center of your own universe, damnit! Don't worry so much about pleasing us and taking care of us, we already have mothers." She stops short, staring open mouthed at Mild. She forgot, just for a moment, that she was an orphan. 

Mild grabs her hand and squeezes. "You still have family, Phi. We'll always be there for you." 

She smiles and shakes her head. "Don't make me cry, you bastard. And don't change the subject."

"Right… well, there's more." 

"Of course there is." She opens her bag of prawn chips. "I told you he was going to cause trouble."

"He texted me this morning, asking for help before he does something stupid." 

Fasai lets out a low groan. Something queasy and squirmy settles in the pit of her stomach. "This is making me lose my appetite." Her brain is firing off a million thoughts at once. "What do you plan to do?"

He sighs and shrugs. "Try to talk him down?" 

How Mild. As if he hasn't already tried that. Twice. He's too nice to handle this kind of situation. Her chest aches just thinking about what she has to do now. "Read the texts to me." 

He pulls out his phone and reads them out. "What does that even mean? _Before I do something stupid._ Is he gonna show up at Mew's condo or something?" He sets his phone down to drink his water.

She hands him her empty seaweed bag. "Mild-Mild, I have to go. Be a love and throw this away for me?" She watches him walk to the trash can as she grabs his phone off the bench. She gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You're a good friend. Too good."

"Yeah, yeah." 

_______________________

_"Okay, okay… wait, okay?" Mild slumped against Fasai's shoulder. "If I die, will you delete the search history on my phone?" His words were slow and slurred._

_She took another swig of whiskey. Were they drunk already? "You trust- you trust me to do that?"_

_"Psh… yeah. You think I trust Pee the gossip queen with that intel? And you think Mew would remember to do it?" He poured himself another glass and sipped at it. "Plus, you're a lawyer. You're the responsible one."_

_"Ugh, fuck that!" She waved her arm, causing her drink to slosh around. "I liked it better when I was the psycho of the group." How long had it been since she'd made a scene or intimidated some poor bastard?_

_Mild's giggle was high pitched and melodic. "You used to be so crazy! You- you were a maniac! What happened?"_

_"My family died," she said, laughing bitterly. "They just phhtt! Gone. Just like that. And I said, Fasai, you crazy bitch, you have to start being an adult now…"_

_"Ew."_

_"I know, right?" She laughed for real. "Remember- remember when I tried therapy, and I found out I'm actually crazy?" Her shoulders shook with laughter._

_"Oh, right!" Mild slapped at her leg. "That's right, that's right! I can't believe I forgot you're north polar!"_

_They shrieked and burst into more laughter. "Bipolar!" She corrected him. "I'm bipolar... and bisexual and bilingual!"_

_Mild wiped the tears from his eyes. "Fuck, we're so drunk. Can I stay here tonight? I can't let my mom see me like this. "_

_"When are you going to find a new condo?"_

_"When I get my deposit back from the old condo." He giggled and took another sip._

_"Fine, stay here. It's not like my mom will see us drunk. She's probably reincarnated and she's a baby somewhere in this world. My mom is younger than me now. Shia, I'm old enough to be my mother's mother!"_

_They fell against each other, their laughter renewing. "You're an orphan like Harry Potter!" He shouted._

_Fasai stood up from the couch and raised her glass. "I'm a wizard, bitches!"_

_"Me, too! Me, too!" He stood up, but wobbled and fell back down. "I wanna be a wizard, and also Mew is one."_

_"Fuck that turd," she spat, taking a large gulp of whiskey. "He's probably having butt sex with his boyfriend." God, she hated that kid._

_Mild laughed so hard he nearly dropped his glass. "OMG. Butt fucking my Baby Nong! His poor ass!" He cackled and clutched at his stomach. "I hate them, they stink."_

_Fasai fell back onto the sofa and clinked glasses with him. "To Baby Nong's wrecked asshole!" They raised their drinks and took a swig._

_"To Mew's big dick!" They clinked again._

_Fasai poured them more whiskey. "To being wizards!" Another swig._

_Mild sighed and patted her arm. "Fasai. Wow, your skin is soft. Okay, but Fasai…" he leaned his head against her. "Will you delete my search history when I die?"_

_"Alright, alright."_

_"And the dick pics?"_

_"And the dick pics."_

_"You're the fucking best." He tapped at his screen and grabbed her finger. "Here, lemme get your biometicals… biomesicles… bio-biomedics… fingerprint." He scanned her finger to grant her permission to open his phone._

Fasai stares at the phone on her desk. She's not proud of herself. She doesn't want to be this person again, not after doing so well. What would Eye think of her if she found out? But she reminds herself it's for Mew. She doesn't want to be this person again, but someone needs to, and it certainly won't be Mild. 

She closes her eyes and unlocks the phone with her fingerprint. The text from _him_ is still pulled up. So whiney. So pathetic. Exactly how she remembers the sniveling brat. She types out a text and sends it. 

** Mild **

Let's talk. Are you free this afternoon?

** Baby Nong **

Yeah, at 2. Does this mean you'll help na, Phi? 

** Mild **

I'll do my best. Meet you at the coffeehouse.

** Baby Nong **

Thank you na khrab! 

She sighs and leans back in her chair. This isn't going to be pretty.

_________________

Fasai spots the little shit at the back table. _Their_ table, if she remembers correctly. He stiffens the second he sees her, all color draining from his face. Nice to know he hasn't forgotten her. 

"Where's P'Mild?" He asks. His eyes are frantic as she takes a seat. Fear looks good on him.

She smiles and leans back. "Nobody's coming to save you, sweetie." He stands up to leave but she grabs his phone from across the table. "Uh-uh. You're not going anywhere. Sit."

He does as he's told. "What do you want na, Phi?" 

"That's more like it." She places the phone in front of her. "You've been stirring up trouble, Nong. I don't like trouble." 

His eyes narrow. "It's none of your-"

"Business?" She cuts in and laughs. "Oh, I think it is. You made it my business when you left a mess for Mild and me to clean up. You have no idea what you did to Mew." 

He flinches at the sound of his name. "I'm trying to make things right," he protests. 

Fasai tsks at him. "See, the time for that would have been a week or two after you left him. Not months down the road after he's found someone new." She flashes him her shark smile. "Someone better." 

A flicker of pain appears in his eyes, but he's quick to cover it. "I know he still loves me." The conviction in his voice is lacking.

She stares at him for a second and then laughs. "Oh, sweetie… no." She shakes her head and pouts. "No, he hasn't loved you in a long time." 

"He said he'd love me forever." His voice is shaking now. 

It's almost too easy. Seeing him crumble like this is making her feel guilty. She shakes it off and strengthens her resolve. This is for Mew. "Yeah, well I'm sure you said something similar to him, and we all know how that turned out." She takes a deep breath. "Just give up, okay? You had your chance, now quit fucking things up for the rest of us." 

His eyes are pink and watery. "What are you talking about?" Great, now he's about to cry. This isn't the fight she expected. 

"Mew's moved on. He doesn't need you popping back up and complicating things. And quit dragging Mild into this mess." She points at him and glares. "There's a man out there who worships him, but he's too afraid to take a chance because his last reference for a happy relationship was _yours_." 

He shakes his head. "I didn't know… I didn't mean to."

"Ugh, shut up." She holds up her hand to silence him. "I know you didn't mean to. You're too dumb to have done it on purpose. Just know that your selfishness is affecting more than yourself and Mew." 

Tears are falling down his cheeks, and he wipes at them hastily. Fasai hands him the napkin dispenser. "Thanks na, Phi." He sniffles and dries his eyes. "I just hoped it wasn't too late. I just…" and he's crying again. 

Well, fuck. It's getting too easy to make little boys cry these days. She signals to the waiter to bring more water. "So, the bad news is that you fucked up and you missed out on the greatest man either of us ever dated." She smiles when the waiter arrives and slides the glass of water across to her nong. He catches it, and some of it spills over the rim and onto his hand. "The good news is that you never appreciated what a catch he was, so you'll probably be just as happy with the next fool who falls in love with you." 

He chugs the water and glares at her. "There's no need to be so mean na, Phi."

"I spent the past eight months cleaning up your mess, you little piece of shit." Her hand tightens around his phone. "Now, you're going to message Mild and tell him you've thought it through, and you're going to stop chasing after Mew. Tell him you're going to focus on becoming a better person, and if you and Mew are really meant to be together, fate will bring him back to you. Do you understand me?" 

He stares daggers at her. "And what if I don't?" 

She grins back. So, he's got some fight left, after all. "I'll tell Mew you cheated on him." Her skin prickles at the sight of his eyes widening. "I'll tell him I just found out that you had an affair while the two of you were together."

"But I never-"

"Never cheated on him? Oh, I know." She sighs and leans back. "But who do you think he'll believe, _Baby Nong?_ "

Fire ignites in his eyes. "You would lie to Mew like that?" 

She laughs and shakes her head. "You don't get it, do you? Mew is the only family I have in this world. You think I'm not above lying to protect him from you?" 

"You're crazy," he whispers. 

"Oh, sweetie, I'm psychotic." She leans forward and smiles. "So, do we have an understanding?" 

His face is red and splotchy. Fasai can see the wheels turning in his head, deciding which is the best course of action to take. "Fine."

"Excellent." She slides his phone over. "I'll wait while you text Mild."

"What, now?"

She looks around the coffee shop. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you have something better to do? Another relationship to ruin, perhaps?" 

He snatches the phone from her and starts typing. "You never did trust me." 

"The problem is that I _did_ trust you." She raises an eyebrow. "And look what you did to Mew. Show me the text once you've sent it." 

He shows her the message and she pulls out Mild's phone to confirm that it was received. "Good boy. Now, you're going to forget about Mew, and you're going to learn from this experience." She points a finger at him. "You're going to shape the fuck up and start acting like an adult, and if you ever manage to find someone willing to date your selfish ass, you're going to show Mild that healthy relationships do exist." 

"Fine."

"Oh," she looks at him from under her eyelashes. "If you go back on your word and go after Mew, I will do everything in my power to fuck up your life."

There's pure hatred in his eyes, but he nods all the same. "Is he really happy?" 

She stands up and drops some cash on the table. "You should get used to not knowing." She walks off, feeling a heaviness settle in her chest. Another strike against her soul. Another deed that will come back to her through karma. She hates being this person, especially since she knows Mew would disapprove. But some people are worth losing merit for. 

______________________

By the time she gets back to her office, there's a text waiting for her. 

** Unknown **

Hey, it's Mild. Did you happen to see my phone anywhere? 

She sighs and looks at the stolen device on her desk. 

**Fasai**

Yes! I think I knocked it into my bag by accident. Want to swing by my office to pick it up? 

** Unknown **

Oh thank god. Yeah, I can be there in 45 mins

** Fasai **

I'll leave it with my assistant if I'm in a meeting. Whose phone are you using, btw?

** Unknown **

Co-worker 

She smiles and waits twenty minutes before texting back. 

** Fasai **

N'Aa, can I add your number to my phone in case I need to reach you or Mild? 

** Unknown **

Sure 👍🏼

** Fasai **

Thanks!

** Unknown **

Wait. Why do I feel like this was a trick? 

** Fasai **

Don't worry about it. I'm on your side. Consider me your new best friend


	12. Back to the Drawing Board

Gulf adjusts the pillows behind him. "My mind went kind of blank, Phi." He leans back and laughs, lifting his phone above his head. Mew's smiling face beams down at him through the screen.

"So, they asked you to pick audience members, and you chose guys?" His senior chuckles, eyes shrinking to perfect crescents. 

"I know, I know…" he tries to catch his breath between laughs. "Some girls came up, too. So, there's that."

Mew wipes the tears from his eyes. "You're so bad at being in the closet." 

Gulf freezes. "Wait, am I?"

"The worst."

"No, not that." He sits up and looks into Mew's eyes. "Am I in the closet?"

Mew's smile fades and his eyes turn big and soulful. "That's really up to you, isn't it? It's however you want to handle your sexuality." 

Gulf huffs and looks around his hotel room. It's not like he's hiding anything. Not really. Though people still don't know about his breakup with Poom. It's not technically pretending to be straight, but it is pretending to date a woman, and he hasn't wanted to do that since high school. Maybe he is in the closet after all. 

He looks back at Mew. He's been watching him this whole time, letting him think things through. It seems that Mew's figured out by now that he often needs a moment to gather his thoughts before vocalizing them. Mew, on the other hand, likes to talk things out and come to conclusions through conversation. 

"You told everyone about yourself, didn't you?" 

Mew nods, but his smile is sad. "Yes. I couldn't keep it to myself. I wanted everyone to see me for who I am. And I wanted others to know it's okay to be the way they are." 

"I don't know if I'm brave enough for that yet, Phi. I don't even know what my sexuality is. I thought I was gay, but… I do remember liking girls at one point." 

His senior smiles at him. "It's not about bravery. It's a personal decision. You have a lot of things to consider. And your sexuality doesn't have to be labeled. You like who you like." 

He nods and smiles at him. "I didn't think I'd have that many fanboys." 

Mew laughs and it sends a surge of warmth through Gulf's chest. He's missed that laugh. "Your dad did say all the boys would flirt with you." 

"Not that again." He rolls his eyes. "The important thing is I survived my first fanmeet!" He pumps his arm up and down in victory. 

Mew laughs again and smiles widely. "You're so cute." 

"Phi…" 

"What? You said I could flirt with you." 

Heat pools just under the skin of his cheeks. It's only been a few days since they've seen each other in person, but it feels like forever. "How have you been?" 

Mew groans and changes position on his couch. "Lonely, which I guess is good. It's weird sleeping alone, but it's been fine. Dreams are the same. I got really close to buying an _I heart Bangkok_ mug last night."

Gulf chuckles and shifts onto his side. "Progress is progress, Phi. Susu na." 

Mew looks serious for a moment. Forlorn and melancholy. "I miss you," he says in a small voice. 

There's a tingling sensation in Gulf's tummy, one that spreads out and dissipates into tiny bubbles. P'Mew misses him. And damnit, he misses him back. He's been hoping Mew would invite him to stay over when he returns to Thailand, but he hasn't said anything yet. He wants to fall asleep in his arms again and wake up to the excruciating heat of their bodies under the covers. But is he being selfish? Would that delay P'Mew's healing? Gulf almost ruined things last time by trying to force the relationship. It can't happen again. Mew trusts him to make the right decision. And there's no way that the man he loves is a fool. 

He tries not to pout, but he's never been good at hiding his emotions. "Well, I guess I'll go to bed na. Early flight tomorrow." 

The look in Mew's eyes tells him he's sensed the shift in Gulf's demeanor. "What's wrong, Yai Nong?" 

"Nothing."

"That doesn't work on me." 

Gulf huffs and punches the mattress next to him. "I'm just being immature, that's all. It's really nothing." 

"Yai Nong…" it's his threatening tone. The one that always hits Gulf in the gut and makes him want to do whatever Mew desires. 

He balls his hand into a fist. He can't keep giving into his urges like this. He has to be strong for Mew's sake. "I just keep thinking how you don't call me. I'm always the one calling you." It's true, after all, even if it's not the main problem. 

"Oh." Mew's face softens. "I've been trying to work on my neediness. I want to talk to you all the time, but I should probably get used to keeping a normal distance." 

Gulf nods. He suspected as much. He also suspects that's why Mew hasn't invited him to stay over. It doesn't make him feel any better, but at least he knows it's not because Mew doesn't want him. He should know better by now. 

"I actually do need to sleep," he tells him. "Um… I, uh, miss you too." He hangs up before Mew can respond. Type's bad habits are rubbing off on him. 

_______________________

Gulf looks at the goop sitting in the molds. It's not soap and it's not chocolate. What the hell else could it be? 

"Candles," says Kaprao. Can he read his mind? "And yes, I can read your mind."

"Seriously?" 

"No, not seriously." 

Gulf sighs and leans against the kitchen counter. Sometimes he wishes his friend actually did know what was going on in his head. It would make things a lot easier. 

"Nong?" 

"Yes, Phi?"

"How did you and Fon get back together?"

Kaprao pours the last of the goop into a mold. "That's not the right question." 

"Alai na?"

He smiles and pats him on the back. "Only you and P'Mew can decide when you'll get together."

He was afraid that would be the case. Of course the one, truly important question he has can't be answered by Kaprao the Gay Whisperer. "What's the right question, then?" 

He suspends wicks over each of the molds to hold them straight in the candles. "First, I have something to ask you. Why aren't you and P'Mew together now?"

Gulf takes a deep breath. He's already explained this. "Because he's not ready to be in a relationship again." 

"Well, what does that mean?" He gives him that look that means his question is more than what it appears. "Regarding P'Mew specifically, not in general." 

Gulf goes through their discussion from that day in his head. "I told him I didn't want to be a rebound. I wanted him to want me because he loves me and not because he's lonely. Hell, he was still dreaming of his ex at the time." 

"Not anymore?" 

Gulf shakes his head. "But things still remind him of his ex. And he's still having weird dreams."

"Is that everything?"

"No?" He scratches his head. "He's worried about driving me away because he's needy and clingy." 

"Is that something you're worried about?" 

"No?" He pouts and crosses his arms. "I kind of like it. He says he's been holding back. But…"

"But?"

Gulf throws his hands up. "I want him to be that way!" He pauses to check Kaprao's expression, but he's giving him nothing. "I- I want him to be clingy and I like that he wants to be with me all the time. But I guess that's not healthy?"

His junior shrugs. "Depends on how it affects your lives and what clingy means to you two. You'll find that most things in relationships are subjective." He leads them to the living room. "What else?" 

They lounge side by side in the papasan chair. "He said something about the possibility of me changing my mind, but I told him that wouldn't happen." 

"You said he's had a history of being cheated on." Kaprao stretches and sighs. "No doubt it's given him trust issues. Even if he believes that _you_ believe you'll never change your mind, he knows that others have gone back on their word before." 

"But he may never get over that, and I don't really blame him. So..." Gulf curls into a ball. "Why are we using these metrics as a way to determine if we're ready if the metrics aren't realistic? And exactly what will we be ready for that we weren't before?" 

Kaprao smiles and holds up a finger. "Now you're asking the right questions."

Gulf winces and covers his face with his hand. "Shia, we've been doing it wrong this whole time. We should have identified the metrics ourselves, based on why we decided to wait."

"And determined what you would be waiting for."

Gulf shrugs. "Kissing and sex is all I've come up with." 

Kaprao laughs, making tiny slivers of his eyes. "So, why are you holding off on sex?" 

Why, indeed? Tharn and Type built their relationship through sex, but he and P'Mew are doing the opposite. They're building their relationship toward sex. So, what does sex mean to them? 

"I think for me, it's the ultimate act of trust. Being completely vulnerable with someone. Giving them your heart." 

"Do you feel ready to give P'Mew your heart right now?" 

"I thought I was," he says. He stretches out and sighs. "But I'm glad I didn't. Not yet."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

Kaprao gives him a look. "Of course you do." 

Of course he does. He scratches at the back of his head and groans. "I guess… I need to know why he loves me. Do we really belong together or did he fall for me out of convenience?"

"So, less of a rebound and more of a consolation prize?" 

Gulf nods. "I want to know whether Mew Suppasit at 100% on his best day would still fall in love with me, or if I just got lucky and caught him when his standards were low." He swallows the lump that's formed in his throat and cradles his arms. The room has suddenly grown cold. "I want to know that he's not settling for me because I happened to be in the right place at the right time. And until he's fully recovered, I won't know whether or not his love for me is genuine or circumstantial."

Kaprao leans his head on Gulf's shoulder. "You know, there are some who would argue that it doesn't matter why he fell in love with you, just that he did."

"But then…" Shia. He slaps his forehead and sighs. "I'll always wonder if he'll change his mind once he's recovered. Fuck, I get it now.

___________________

He's doing it again. He doesn't mean to, but it's not like he can avoid it. After all, he has to be on social media to connect with his fans. He owes them that much, at least, for sticking by his side when things got controversial for him. And it's inevitable that when he's on social media, that he'll encounter posts about Gulf. And so he's doing it again. He's scrolling through pictures of his crush, his not-yet boyfriend, his heart's one desire. He can't help it, wanting to see him and be near him. It's been driving him mad, knowing that Gulf is back in Thailand but they still haven't seen each other. Why does it always feel like they're doing this wrong? 

"Stalker," says P'Pee. He walks out of the bathroom and saunters over to the kitchen. "I'll help myself, shall I?"

"I'm not stalking."

"And I'm not fabulous." He joins him on the couch with a bag of prawn crackers. "Liar." He snatches Mew's phone and giggles. 

"Phi!"

"Aw, nalak…" he swoons at a picture of Gulf from KAZZ Sport Day. "Look at his eyes, pineapple. Look at how he's staring at you." He buries his face in Mew's arm. 

"Is not."

"Bitch, I know you're blind, but you're not _that_ blind." He offers him some of the prawn chips. "So, when are you going to court him na?"

Mew sighs and takes back his phone. "When I'm a whole person again." 

"Chop chop, bok choy. That boy is going to take the BL world by storm, mark my words." 

He scrolls through the feed of Gulf pictures on his screen. Pee's absolutely right, of course. By the time the show finishes airing, Gulf is going to be huge. There's no way the BL world will ignore him, not with his raw talent, beguiling charm, and versatile good looks. And if Gulf decides he's more intrigued by the possibilities presented to him, the myriad of people who will want to be with him, what then?

"Phi," he says, nudging his senior with his elbow. "How do I fix myself?"

Pee slaps at his leg. "Well, for fuck's sake, moon cake, what's wrong with you in the first place? I thought you'd made progress since that day he overheard us talking?" He slaps his leg again. "What have you been doing all this time?" 

"It's only been a few weeks!" 

"It's been a month, popsicle." He shakes his head. "Seriously, baby, what's wrong with you that needs fixing?" He eases Mew's head against his shoulder. 

"To be honest, I keep getting reminded of my ex." 

Pee makes a high pitched _hmph_. "He's still causing trouble, huh? What kinds of things remind you of him?"

"Certain songs, places, food." He gives him a pointed look. "Like pork rinds."

"Well, that's easy!" Pee waves his hand in the air. "Just make new connections to something else. Like the cherub! He likes pork rinds, the little misguided coconut. Why can't you think of Gulf instead?" 

"Makes sense." 

"See? Okay, what's next?"

"I don't know how to be alone?"

Pee presses a finger to his chin. "But were you ever good at being alone?"

Mew doesn't even have to think about it. "Never." 

"Then that's not an indication that you're fixed, is it?" He smirks and snaps his fingers. "Next?"

"Clingy?"

Pee tosses the bag of prawn chips into Mew's lap. "Are you fucking kidding me? Who made this list? Mild?"

"Alai?"

"It reeks of building walls and keeping a distance because you're too afraid of falling in love with a sexy pirate." He purses his lips at him. "Tell me I'm wrong, banana." 

Mew sighs and leans back against the cushions. "No, you're right."

"Baby, don't listen to that fuckboy. He's so far up denial's ass that you'll need an enema to extract him." 

"Do you have to be so graphic?"

"I think you need to revisit the drawing board. Come up with some other way to determine that you're 'whole' or whatever." He pats his leg and stands up. "Oh, and I mean now. Call him. I'm leaving." He opens the front door and yelps. 

"Alai?"

Pee moves out of the way to reveal Gulf standing at the door, his hand poised to knock. "Aow." 

Pee giggles behind his hand. "Oh, dumpling, your timing is impeccable. Mew, my pomelo, come tend to your guest. I'm off to my date."

Gulf smiles awkwardly, making Wai at his seniors. "Who's the lucky man na, Phi?"

He shrugs and makes a grandiose gesture with his hand. "Who knows? I haven't met him yet. But some handsome man out there is going to buy me dinner." He puts on his shoes and waves. "Toodles, my children. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." 

"That's not much," Mew calls from the couch. 

"Then you better make me proud!" Pee blows a kiss at each of them and makes his dramatic exit. 

Mew rises from the sofa, his eyes glued to the figure of Gulf in his doorway. How long has it been since he's seen him in person? "Wadee," he says. _Hey._

Gulf's eyes are large and terrified. A perfect Bambi in headlights. Mew wants to stroke his cheek and tell him everything's okay, except he doesn't know if it is. What is Gulf doing at his condo?

"Sorry na, Phi." He looks around the room. "I know I should have called first. I was on my way home from Kaprao's and I really wanted to talk to you, but my phone's dead."

Mew can only stare, only wonder what could be so important that Gulf would show up unannounced like this. "Come in," he manages to say. 

Truthfully, he doesn't care why Gulf is here, just that he is. Just the sight of his delicate features and his endearing awkwardness is enough to revive him from his malaise. How can his mere presence bring such a rush to his chest, such a flood of excitement? His hands ache to reach out for him and his arms long to embrace him. 

His junior shuffles toward him, face tense and lips parted in preparation to speak. Except he doesn't. His eyelids fall shut in that captivating way of his and he closes the distance between them for a hug. Mew freezes at the sudden contact, but relaxes as he feels the tension leaving Gulf's body. How long has it been? His arms tighten around him, holding him close, inhaling the familiar earthy scent of his beloved. How strange it is to have been hugged first. Strange but wonderful. 

"What's the matter, Yai Nong?"

"I think we need to revise our strategy."

______________________

Gulf lays with his head in P'Mew's lap, staring up at those half moon eyes that he loves so much. Eyes that gaze down at him as if he's precious to him, and this time, Gulf knows that it's true. 

"I think we've been going about this the wrong way," he says. "We're not using the right metrics."

P'Mew nods, a small smile playing on his lips. "How is it you've read my mind? P'Pee was leaving so I could call you about that." 

"Seriously?" 

"Mm." He looks off in the distance. His expression is cloudy, unreadable. "I don't know if I'll ever be the man you want me to be." 

Gulf freezes. "Wa ngi na?" _What did you say?_

Mew looks back and runs his fingers through Gulf's hair. "I'm always going to be a clingy person who can't be alone. And even if I worked on it, I'd be going against my nature every time. I want to meet your expectations, but even if I were the same man as before my heartache, I don't know that I would match up to the numbers on our list." 

Gulf sits up to look at him properly. Can P'Mew tell what he's thinking by the look in his eyes? Can he tell how happy these words make him? "Good," is all he manages to say. 

"Good?" 

"Shai." He nods and smirks. "I already told you, Phi, I like you this way. I went along with the metrics from P'Mild because I thought that's how you wanted to measure your recovery." 

"Yeah… maybe the person who's afraid of commitment shouldn't be the one to make the metrics for us."

Gulf laughs and shakes his head. "Then forget the list. I want to see your version of Mew at 100%." He doesn't mention the other thing, the part about wondering if he'll be good enough for Mew once he's back to his old self. Or even a better version of himself. What then? He can't bear the thought of Mew looking at him and concluding that he's just some lovesick kid who could never be worthy of him. He can't bear it, but he has to try, has to hope that what they have is real. 

He looks into P'Mew's eyes and sees the same fear and doubt mirrored back at him. Is he wondering the same thing? Is he already reconsidering his feelings? 

Gulf doesn't want to say it, but he knows it still needs addressing. "There's still the matter of your ex," he blurts out. He doesn't mean to sound so harsh. 

"Ah… right." Mew runs a hand through his hair. Does he know it's one of his tells? "There are all those things that remind me of him. I'm going to try re-associating those things with new memories."

"What about… you know…"

"How I feel about him?"

"Uuuh." _Yeah._

"It's strange." He looks off in the distance, as if collecting his thoughts. "I used to feel pain, betrayal, even a longing for being with someone. I stopped loving him, but the hurt didn't go away." 

"And now?"

"Now, there's nothing. When I'm reminded of him, it's a hollow memory, like a clean spot on a table covered with dust. Something used to be there, but nothing but its empty space remains." 

Gulf nods, taking in his senior's words. By all accounts, then, shouldn't Mew be relatively back to normal? "Why don't we just stop na, Phi?"

His question takes him by surprise. "Alai?"

Gulf chuckles, patting him on the arm. "Not like that. I mean, let's stop all the monitoring. Let's just… be ourselves and see what happens?"

And just like that, Mew's eyes soften and his body relaxes. "I think that's the first good plan we've had so far." He catches himself and shakes his head. "Second good plan."

"What's the first?"

"Deciding to continue the skinship." 

"Shai."


	13. Roads? Where We're Going, We Don't Need Roads

_Mew found himself in the night market again. The harsh, multicolored lighting hurt his eyes and the smell of fried food hung in the air. All around him were muffled voices that seemed out of sync with the people speaking. He approached a souvenir stand and asked if they had any I ❤️ Bangkok keychains._

_"Aow," came a voice. It was clear and soft and almost… ducky. A familiar voice. Mew turned around to find his Yai Nong standing there with something shiny in his hand._

_"Gulf?"_

_His junior laughed, and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. His radiant smile outshone the abrasive lighting and he showed Mew the object in his hand. "Why does Khun Phi want a common souvenir of somewhere he already lives? Wouldn't you be happier with this?" The object was a keychain. Silver in color, but he knew it was white gold in the way that one simply knows things in dreams. The shape was an infinity sign. He looked at it closer and saw their initials carved into the metal._

_"Is it yours?" Mew asked._

_"It's yours," said Gulf. "If you want."_

_He looked over his shoulder at the souvenir stand. Gulf's word repeated in his head. Common. Mew didn't want something common, didn't want a reminder of somewhere he'd already been. He wanted something personal, something meaningful, and something that was more than it seemed._

_He looked back at his junior and took the keychain. "I want."_

_He blinked and the market was gone. The stalls and vendors and the odor of fried food had all vanished, but Gulf was still there. They stared at each other across the kitchen island of his parents' house. Between them was a blender._

_"Shia," said Mew, scratching at his head. "We never have smoothie ingredients. See, Nong, this is what I was telling you. It's the same fucking dream…" He opened the fridge and, as always, they were out of yogurt._

_Gulf laughed at him again. "I know, I know. You told me na, Phi." He reached down and grabbed a paper bag full of groceries. "That's why I went shopping before I came over."_

_Mew stared at him. What did he say? He looked through the bag and found almond milk, greek yogurt, frozen strawberries, and frozen bananas. Everything as if he had picked them out himself._

_"Did I give you a shopping list?"_

_Gulf shook his head. "All you told me was that you were out of smoothie ingredients, so don't complain if I picked the wrong stuff. I just bought what I thought would work."_

_"It's perfect."_

_He put it all in the blender and sighed. How long had he been trying to make this damn smoothie? "Thank you, Gulf."_

_"Don't thank me until you've tasted it."_

_He blended it all together and poured a glass. "Here goes…"_

_They were in the car. Mew's hand stayed suspended in the air, clutching the glass that was no longer there._

_"Shall we go?" Gulf sat next to him in the passenger seat._

_Mew looked over and shook his head. "I can't drive anywhere in my dream."_

_"Why not?" Gulf patted him on the leg. "You have the keys, don't you?"_

_Mew opened his other hand to find the infinity keychain with a car key attached to it. "Huh. But that's not it. I can't see the road or read the signs." He was directionless as always._

_"Where are we going?"_

_He sighed and stared at the steering wheel. "I have no idea."_

_"Then who said you have to drive there?"_

_He froze and looked at Gulf. The thought hadn't occurred to him before. "Do you want to drive?"_

_He shrugged and placed a hand on Mew's leg. "I can, but if we can't see the road, maybe we ought to walk. Then we won't need roads."_

_Then we won't need roads._

_The simplicity of it was brilliant. Mew took a deep breath and got out of the car. The street materialized beneath his feet and he joined Gulf on the sidewalk. "Where do you want to go?"_

_Gulf smiled, holding out his hand. "Let's go this way and see where it leads."_

Mew opens his eyes. Everything is blurry and sweaty and much, much too bright. The clock on the nightstand says it's way before his alarm. But it doesn't matter. None of it matters. He turns over to find the source of all the heat- the sleeping form of his Yai Nong. Of course it would be Gulf who would provide such simple solutions to the problems in his dreams. Of course it would be Gulf who would save him. 

He tosses the covers off to air out their bodies. How does someone generate so much heat? The cold air stirs his junior. Mew smiles and wraps an arm around him, no longer overwhelmed by the inferno that Gulf always makes in his bed. 

"P'Mew?" He opens one eye and glares at him. "Did you remove the blanket?"

"Yes."

"Good." He smacks his lips together and curls against Mew's chest. "Were you dreaming?"

"Yes."

"Did you get your Bangkok souvenir?"

He grins, pulling him closer and inhaling the shampoo scent of his hair. "Turns out, I didn't want one in the first place."

Gulf mumbles against his shirt. "Murmph… smoothie?" 

"I had some help."

He pulls back and looks at him with both eyes now. "And the driving?"

"We decided to get there our own way." 

"We?"

Mew nods, lifting Gulf's arm and snuggling against his chest. "You and me." He rubs his belly and tells him the details. 

_______________________

** Kaprao **

P'Gulf! What are you doing tomorrow?

** Gulf **

Um, sleeping… but I think I have an assignment due soon?

** Kaprao **

Do you want to meet Fon? She's back from her research trip!

** Gulf **

Sure 👍🏼

** Kaprao **

Yes! Let's get lunch! I'll text the address

Gulf shrinks into his seat in the booth. Why is he so nervous? He's heard all about Fon for months now. He feels like he practically knows her. Although, maybe that's the issue. All this expectation. He sighs and leans his head back. No use worrying about it. 

"Phi!" Kaprao waves and joins him. 

"Oh." Gulf looks around. "Where's Fon?"

"Restroom." 

Gulf nods. His hands are sweaty around the small box in his lap. Kaprao points to a girl approaching the table and he sits up straighter. She's tiny and cute with plump cheeks and small, smiling eyes. Gulf lifts a hand to wave, but the girl walks right past their table. The girl behind her waves instead. 

"Phi, this is Fon."

The girl who joins them is a complete contrast to the other girl. Her frame is tall and broad shouldered, with large, piercing eyes and sharp cheekbones. Her movements are graceful as she makes Wai.

"Sawadee-kha," she says. Her voice has a richness to it that caresses Gulf's ears. 

His own voice cracks as he returns a greeting. "Sorry, I think there's something stuck in my throat." He takes a sip of his water but he can't look away from her. It's like high school all over again. Falling to pieces at the sight of a pretty girl. Except Fon is not so much pretty as she is striking. There's a mysterious allure to her, an androgyny that Gulf finds intriguing. 

"I can't help but feel I already know you," she says. She tucks her hair behind her ear and Gulf's breath hitches in his chest. This is definitely unexpected. He can't even remember the last time he was so fascinated by someone who wasn't P'Mew.

"Um… yes, me too." He holds out the box to her. "These are for you." 

Her face lights up and she opens the present. "Sanay chan! How thoughtful." She grins at him. "Kaprao told me you helped with the ones he made for me." 

"Well, I bought these," he confesses. "I'm not that good in the kitchen." 

"Baking isn't for everyone." She puts them away and laughs. "I have a gift for you, too." She hands him a small bag. 

"For me?"

"The town I visited for my research trip is known for their pork rindss. Kaprao mentioned you like them." 

Gulf looks down at the package and laughs. "Awesome," he whispers. He had a feeling he would like N'Fon. 

It's strange. He keeps sneaking glances at Fon throughout lunch. There's an air of confidence about her that draws him in and holds his attention whenever she speaks. 

A phone buzzes and Fon checks her screen. "Oh, that's my mother. Excuse me, it might be important." She steps outside to take the call. 

Kaprao reaches across the table and pats Gulf's hand "Phi, are you okay?"

He's not entirely sure, to be honest. "Yeah. Shia, I'm sorry, Nong." He wipes his palms on his jeans. "I'm an awful friend for what I'm about to say."

His junior visibly deflates. "Oh."

"I don't mean to act so weird na." He takes a deep breath. "I just didn't expect your girlfriend to be…"

"Transgender?"

"...so hot."

"What?"

"What?"

They stare at each other and break out into laughter. Kaprao clutches at his stomach. "You're acting weird because she's hot?"

"Aow." Gulf squirms in his seat. "Just because you're used to seeing her, doesn't mean everyone else is."

He wipes at his eyes. "Oh, Phi. That's hilarious." He takes a few breaths. "So, it has nothing to do with her being trans?"

"Why should it?" Trans women are such a prevalent population in their culture that Gulf has to wonder at his nong's nervousness. "A hot girl is a hot girl." 

"I thought you didn't like girls."

Gulf leans back against the booth. "I haven't for a long time, but I remember getting flustered around girls in high school. I thought it was because I went to an all boys school. But lately I wonder if I like both."

Kaprao shrugs. "Maybe so. We like who we like."

"I didn't mean to stare at your girlfriend, Nong. I don't know why I'm acting like this."

"Hey, I get it." He laughs so hard he shakes the table. "I couldn't take my eyes off her when we first met. She's…" he sighs contentedly and smiles. 

Gulf can appreciate that response. It's how it is with P'Mew. Sometimes he feels he could stare at his senior all day and night. There's an otherworldly beauty to P'Mew that awakens all kinds of longing in him. Fon, likewise, has a beauty to her that transcends classic femininity. 

She returns and seems to pick up on the change of atmosphere. "Oh," she says, laughing. "Did you just figure it out?" 

"Uh…" Gulf stares helplessly. She truly is captivating. 

Her smile is warm and full of amusement. "What, the Adam's apple didn't give me away?"

"Aow." He laughs at himself and shakes his head. "Sorry na. I get a little distracted when it comes to attractive women." 

"Kaprao never mentioned you were a flirt." She smirks and leans across the table. "Does P'Gulf have a special person?"

Kaprao chokes on his food and coughs. He looks at his girlfriend, but she simply pats him on the back and continues looking at Gulf for an answer.

His face is flushed and probably his ears, too. He shifts sitting positions and looks down at the table. "Well…"

Fon giggles from behind her hand. "Who's the lucky girl?"

More coughing from Kaprao, who chugs his water. "Huh, this food is… spicy," he says.

"It's omelet and rice." Fon shakes her head. 

Gulf rubs at the back of his neck. "Well, more like lucky _guy."_

The smile she gives him is one of curiosity. "You seem like a private person, Phi, so we really must be friends if you're being so open."

He freezes for a moment and then breaks into a bashful smile. "I think you and N'Kaprao have a way of bringing me out of my shell."

"Yeah, we do that." Her mouth falls open into a perfect O shape. "Oh! Thilak, is that why you started calling yourself the gay whisperer? All your boy talk sessions?" 

Kaprao pauses with his spoon in the air, mouth still open as he was about to take a bite. "Oh. Right. Boy talk." He gives Gulf a sheepish smile. 

"If it's a secret," she tells Gulf, "then it's safe with me." 

He makes Wai and thanks her. Yes, he definitely knew he would like N'Fon. 

She chuckles and cocks an eyebrow. "I don't suppose you'll tell me who he is?" 

Shia. His body goes still as he weighs his options. Will he tell her? Something bubbles in the pit of his stomach, almost urging him to disclose everything. The excitement of discussing his developing romance with her is almost too good to resist. 

Almost. 

"Maybe the next time we have lunch," he says. "Can't give everything away at once." 

She sighs but smiles in an understanding kind of way. "P'Gulf is such a tease. But I can wait. I actually have to go. My mom needs me to watch my little brother."

Kaprao whines and rests his head on her shoulder. "But I just got you back na. And you finally got to meet my phi." He motions at Gulf. 

"They need my mom to cover for someone at work." 

His junior pouts at her. "I was hoping we could walk around the mall after lunch, maybe see if phi wanted to join us." 

"What if you brought your brother here?" Gulf suggests. "I could help watch him." 

Fon gives him a hesitant look. "He's quite a handful. He's only 7."

He nods and laughs. "Then it's a good thing there's three of us." 

Little N'Cloud clutches at Gulf's arm as they walk through the mall. "And then- and then I saw this video on black holes and how the supernova implodes and it goes like this!" He spreads his arms out and brings them into a small ball. He even makes his own sound effects of the star collapsing into itself. "Cool, huh?"

Gulf nods and laughs as Cloud grabs onto his arm again. "Do all dying stars turn into black holes?" He asks him.

"Nope!" His little junior jumps up and down as they walk, tugging at Gulf with each hop. "If there's not enough mass, they turn into neutron stars! Hey, Phi, can we go to the toy store?" 

Gulf looks at Fon, who shrugs at him. "Okay," he says. 

"Yes!" Cloud pumps his arm. "Toy store! Come on, Phi! I wanna show you the spaceship toy I'm saving up for!" He drags him the rest of the way, Gulf laughing as he stumbles behind him.

Gulf examines the miniature space shuttle. The details are so intricate. Cloud points to different parts of it and explains what they are. Gulf tries to keep up, repeating them so he doesn't forget. 

His little nong puts the toy back on the shelf, almost reverently. "And-and someday, I'm gonna go to space, okay?"

"Okay." 

"But not Mars. Mars will kill you." His expression is so serious that Gulf has to laugh. "But it is, Phi! There's a chemical in the dust that's toxic to humans and it makes your bones weak and makes it- makes it easier to get sick, so if you get a cold, you're done for! We can't go to Mars, Phi. We can't. I don't wanna." He shakes his head. 

Gulf crouches down to his eye level. "Mars sounds like a bad idea. Where do you think we should build space bases, then?"

"The moon, duh."

"Right, duh." He looks at the price tag for the spaceship toy. 950 baht. "Hey, Nong. How much do you have saved already?"

"Um… about 725 baht."

"Perfect. Come on." He leads him to the back of the store where Fon and Kaprao are trying on tiaras and fancy hats. "I have a friend who really loves space, but I don't think he's up to date on the latest research on black holes and neutron stars."

Cloud shakes his head. "He should watch some YouTube videos."

"Well, that's what I want to ask you about." He crouches down to face him. "Could I hire you to make an educational video for my Phi?"

"Hire me? Like a job?" His incredulous expression goes straight to Gulf's heart. What a cute kid. 

"Shai. I'm thinking a ten minute video for 400 baht?" He glances at Fon, who nods her consent. 

Cloud's eyes widen and he jumps up and down. "That's more than enough to buy my space shuttle!" 

"Huh," says Kaprao. "What a coincidence." 

Fon snaps her fingers. "I know the perfect place." 

They stand in front of a women's clothing store and Fon leads them around the side by the display window. The background is navy blue with yellow stars and the mannequins sport hoodies and jackets with the NASA emblem on them. "Ta da!" 

"Perfect." Gulf pulls out his phone. "Ready, N'Cloud?"

"Ready!" 

Cloud's smile is enormous as he brings the space shuttle toy to the counter. The box looks so big in his arms that Gulf can't hold back his laughter. Nalak nalak.

"You didn't have to do that, Phi," says Fon. 

"Do what?"

"You know, pretend to hire him so he could buy his toy."

"Oh, I wasn't pretending," he says. "Your brother just saved me a lot of trouble." 

Kaprao wraps an arm around his shoulder. "I didn't know you were so good with kids, Phi."

"They're fun. I like how excited they get."

"If acting falls through," says Fon, "you could always go into the lucrative industry of babysitting." 

___________________

Gulf closes his eyes, relishing the feel of Mew's fingers through his hair. The bed sheets are cool against his skin, and there's nothing but the faint sound of rain as he lies against the pillows with his senior leaning over him. How many nights have they spent together since they decided to scrap the metrics and just see what happens? How many evenings have they spent like this, in each other's arms, simply enjoying the sensation of each other? Has it really only been a week?

"Your hair is so soft," Mew whispers. He plays with a bit of it between his thumb and forefinger. 

"I've never dyed it," he explains. "The worst chemical damage it's experienced is styling product."

"Everything about you is soft." He traces his finger down the center of Gulf's forehead, down the profile of his nose, pausing briefly to touch his lips, and finally over the edge of his chin. "Your skin. Your voice. Your tummy…" he snickers and grabs at it. 

Gulf stares up at his senior. How large and mesmerizing his eyes are as they study him. He can feel Mew's gaze on his body like a soft breeze. Gentle, caressing, and everywhere. It fills him with excitement, being the sole object of his attention. It's only after Mew catches his eye that he realizes he's been biting down on his lip. Can he help how stimulated he feels whenever his senior looks at him this way? "You like that I'm soft," he teases. 

Mew's grip on his tummy grows stronger. "Yes." 

"Why?" 

"Why?" Mew seems caught off guard. He blinks a few times and shrugs. "It feels nice. I like touching your belly and your cheeks. They're fun to squeeze." His words make Gulf feel warm and cuddly, and it encourages him to push further. 

He gives him his best Bambi eyes and bats his lashes- just once for effect. He's starting to learn what his Khun Phi likes. "What about the rest of me?"

When Mew's eyes shrink and his mouth falls open, he knows he's made an impression. He loves this reaction from his senior, loves throwing him off his game. It's always fun to make the cool and collected Mew Suppasit get flustered. 

"I like how soft your whole body is," he clarifies, kneading at his side. "It's cute, like hugging a big plushie. But do you like being held like this?" 

He can only grin and nod in response. His ears should be pink right about now.

Mew smiles at him. "Why?"

"Aow!" Gulf squirms under his touch, cheeks ablaze with shyness. What does he mean _why?_

His senior giggles and grabs at his hips. "Come on, I told you why. It's your turn na."

"Not fair," he whines, wriggling closer to hide his face. Mew's recovery time from getting flustered keeps getting shorter. "You're not supposed to ask me back. I'm supposed to make you shy, not the other way around."

"Oh?" Mew scoots away to look at him properly. Oops.

Gulf pouts and makes a grabbing motion toward him. "Hey, come back," he says in his softest, most pleading voice.

"Aaw…" Mew all but melts, exactly as Gulf had hoped. He closes the distance between them and enfolds him in his arms once more. "Cheater. How am I supposed to say no to that?" 

"You're not." He buries his face in Mew's chest, nestled between his generous cleavage, as P'Mild likes to call it. He revels in his victory and savors the crisp scent of his laundry detergent. 

Mew's arms tighten around him. "Ugh, nalak nalak! I just want to squeeze you all night." 

"Then do it," comes Gulf's muffled reply. He's not even sure if he's joking anymore. The pressure of his Phi's embrace sends him into a state of bliss. Everything is warm and soft and snuggly. And he really, really likes snuggly. 

Mew's laughter shakes them both. "Don't tempt me."

"Okay, okay." Gulf resurfaces for air and lies back against the pillows. "I like when you hold me, because I feel protected. Not that I need protection. Rumor has it I'm taller than you." He looks pointedly at him. 

"I've heard this rumor, too."

"But I always knew you'd protect me. And it makes me feel loved." 

Mew leans over him, half moon eyes staring into his own. He presses a soft kiss to his forehead, inhaling deeply. "You are." 

_________________

Mew sneaks a glance at his junior, whose mouth is frothy with toothpaste. His eyes are glazed over, and he recognizes in them his old friend, Grumpy Gulf. He brushes aggressively at his tongue, causing Mew to raise an eyebrow. 

"Careful na," he warns. "You don't want to damage it. I have plans for that tongue someday." 

Gulf spits into the sink and smirks at him. "Presumptuous." 

"No, confident." 

"Arrogant."

Mew leans in and wipes at a smudge of toothpaste at the corner of Gulf's mouth. "Just very much in love." He smiles as the pink spreads across Gulf's cheeks up to his ears. "Besides, you're the one who always slipped me tongue during love scenes." 

"Aow." Gulf brushes him away and gargles with water. "You did it, too." 

"You started it." 

It's his junior now who closes in on him, eyes fiery and awake. "Can you blame me, Phi?" His hand rests against Mew's heart. It seems the familiar gesture was Gulf's and not Type's, after all. "I didn't know it then, but my heart belonged to you from the start." 

His own heart is pounding in his chest and he wonders if Gulf can feel it. He covers it with his hand. "Be careful," he tells him. "Or you'll make me fall for you even more." 

"Do you know, Khun Phi, that's what I've been trying to do all this time?" 

Mew's breath has left him. The concepts of inhaling and exhaling are entirely lost. All he can think about are Bambi eyes and pouty, pillowy chestnut lips that he hasn't kissed in so long. He stares at them with undisguised longing. 

"You can if you want," Gulf whispers. 

"What?"

He presses against him even more. "You can kiss me if you want." 

Mew meets his eyes, searching for confirmation that he heard him correctly. Gulf's eyes are soft and full of love. Would he dare to do it? 

It's Gulf who makes the decision for him. He leans forward, eyelids closing slowly in that sensual and tantalizing way of his. Anticipation rises in his chest and Mew meets his lips with his own. In that moment, the world around him dissolves until nothing remains but the undulating movement of Gulf's mouth against his, the thundering of his pulse, and the warmth of their tongues caressing each other. How easily he remembers their rhythm and how natural it feels to kiss him again. And yet how thrilling it is, filling his chest with the pang of excitement he hasn't felt since the last time they kissed. The time when they were both Mew and Gulf instead of Tharn and Type. He hopes it will always feel this way. 

They part but find each other once again. He never wants to let him go. Gulf sighs against his lips, and the sound of it runs through his body. Oh, to bring out such noises in him. Mew wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him in as he deepens it. One glance at the mirror shows Gulf's back so beautifully arched and god, it does something crazy to him. He turns them around and presses him against the wall of the bathroom. The gasp that escapes his junior sends a fresh wave of want through his body. How sweet and alluring his nong sounds to him, how fucking _good._

It's Gulf's arms around his neck, fingers combing through his hair. Soft, yielding lips that chase after his own, pulling away to give tender pecks until that same hand draws him closer for more. And Mew will always want to give him more. 

"That's one hell of a wake-up," he breathes, pressing his forehead against Gulf's. 

His junior rubs their noses together, a contented sigh falling from his lips. Those lips that he adores and never wants to stop kissing. "Who needs coffee when we can have that?" 

"But can we?" 

"Didn't we just?"

Mew readjusts to look at him. Has he ever seen anything so beautiful in his life? He strokes at Gulf's arm and searches his face for some indication of his feelings. "Should we have done that?"

Gulf's smile is amused and carefree. "Why not?"

"Aren't we…?"

"Aren't we just letting things happen?" Gulf's hand is at his cheek. It's so warm against his skin and Mew leans into the touch. 

"What does this mean, then?"

Gulf chuckles and shrugs. "Does everything have to mean something?" His fingers comb through his hair again. "Can't this just be the next natural step toward being together? Did it feel wrong to you?" 

"No." He turns his head to kiss Gulf's palm. "Kissing you has never felt wrong." 

"Then…" he gazes into his eyes. "Let's not fight these things." He presses one last kiss against his lips. Funny how the simple action can still make him swoon. 

Mew groans and buries his face in Gulf's neck. "I have to go to class." 

"Then you better hurry up so you can get back to me."

______________________

Gulf looks up from his laptop. Thirty minutes since Mew messaged to say he got out of class. The mere thought of his senior texting him updates of his whereabouts makes him chuckle. He's never asked him to do so, and yet it seems like something Mew enjoys doing. As if he likes belonging to someone. He sighs, watching the minute change on the clock. 

He touches his lips, thinking back to this morning. He still can't believe how bold he was. But he certainly doesn't regret it. Warmth courses through his veins at the memory of Mew's lips, of his kisses that always set his heart on fire. Kisses that leave him dizzy and giddy and _warm._ Because P'Mew's love always feels warm. 

The lock clicks and his senior walks through the door. The breath catches in Gulf's chest as he stares at him. All this waiting and now he has no idea what to do. Mew, also, seems at a loss for action. Their eyes lock onto each other as he removes his shoes and approaches the table. 

"Uh, hi."

It's Gulf who laughs first. How silly his Phi can be. "How was your day, dear?"

The comment earns him Mew's famous _I'm so done_ face. "Fine…" he loosens his tie and sits on the couch. "Can't wait til graduation." 

Shia, it's coming up soon. Gulf closes his laptop and joins him. "Are you excited?"

"Just eager to get it over with, more like." He ruffles his hair with his hand, turning it into a glorious mess. "Will you come?"

"Huh?"

"To my graduation ceremony. Will you be there?" 

"Is this you inviting me?" His stomach fills with tingles at the idea of Mew wanting him there on his special day.

"What do you think na? Of course it is."

"I think I should've gotten a fancy invite in the mail, that's what I think."

Mew reaches over and seizes his stomach. "And when's the last time you checked your mail?" 

"Oh…" it's been a while since he spent any significant time at his condo. And whenever they do spend the night at his place, he has other things on his mind besides mail. 

"You should've gotten it a week ago."

"I was out of town a week ago."

"Uh-huh." Mew's hands squeeze at his tummy. "And what's your excuse since then?"

He purses his lips and looks up at the ceiling. "I've been too busy thinking about how much I want to kiss you." When he looks back, he sees in Mew's eyes that same longing from this morning. 

"You can if you want," Mew tells him. 

"I always want." He beckons with a tilt of his head, smiling as Mew takes the hint and kisses him. It's only been hours, but it feels like forever since he last felt those lips. Instead of the hunger he knew from filming, he feels a gentleness from his senior. The softening of their intensity fills him with warmth, cradling his heart like P'Mew's embraces. Is this what it feels like to love without fear? They pull away and look at each other. Will it always give him such tingles?

"So, what- are we friends who make out now?" Mew smiles at him and runs his fingers through Gulf's hair.

"Don't be silly, Phi." He gives him a tiny peck on the lips. "No friends kiss like that." 

"Aaaaoooowww," Mew leans down and groans against his neck. The heat of his breath spreads deliciously over his skin. "Do you have to use lines from the show on me like that? I have to tell you, I don't want to be your casual lover."

"Who do you take me for, Phi?" He pushes him off and smirks. "I thought maybe we could be significant others."

His senior thinks about it for a moment. His confused expression is always so cute. "Significant…"

"Significant others." Gulf pokes his chest. "Not quite friends, but not quite boyfriends."

"And significant others get to kiss?" 

"Yes." He giggles as Mew presses on his stomach, lowering him onto the cushions and leaning down to meet his lips once more. The feeling of freefall overtakes him. Excitement, rush, and euphoria consume him with each touch and movement of their mouths. How could he have gone so long without this? He clutches at Mew's arms, pulling him closer because for them, close is never close enough. 

___________________

"Get the guy, get the guy!" 

"Which one?"

"The one who's trying to kill me!"

"They're all trying to kill you!"

"Well, one of them just did." Gulf heaves a long sigh and logs out of the game. 

"Aaaaand I'm dead, too. They all came running after me." Mew slides his phone across the coffee table and stretches. "Alright that was the last game of the night."

"Phi?"

"Hm?" He looks over at his nong. What is that apprehension in his eyes?

"Do you think we should tell the rest of our friends about us?"

"Alai na?"

"You heard." He leans his head against Mew's shoulder. "We only told one person each, but there are still other people who should probably know." 

"Know what, though? Is there even anything to tell?" 

Gulf sits up and stares at him. "Well…" he counts off on his fingers. "We said fuck all to metrics and decided to do what feels right, we labeled our status as significant others, you stopped having that weird dream, we spent a lot of time making out, and oh yeah- we said I love you to each other. Did I forget anything?" 

"Well, when you put it that way…" 

"After all the help your friends gave you, I think they deserve an update."

Mew can only marvel at his junior. He never ceases to surprise him. It never occurred to him that Gulf would want other people to know about them. "I thought you'd be more private about this," he tells him. 

Gulf shrugs. "Don't they already assume we'll end up with each other? I don't think it's much of a secret, Phi."

"Fair," he says, laughing. Still, it gives him butterflies to see his nong so open about their relationship. "I guess I just didn't expect you to be this forthright."

Gulf crosses his arms and smirks. "I'm not Type, you know. Besides, I'm suggesting we only tell the people who already knew something was going on."

Mew leans forward to give him a small kiss. "Shai. We'll tell them."

"And I want to meet P'Fasai."

Mew freezes. He always knew they'd end up meeting, but why does it have to be _now?_ "Uh… sure. Any particular reason?" 

"I want to see how someone can put up with you for so long."

"You're so cruel to your Phi!"

"You like it."

He reaches out for his phone and texts Fasai. "Dinner with everyone this weekend?"

"Sounds good." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew from the beginning that I wanted to make Fon transgender. There are so many trans women in Thailand that it only made sense to have a trans character. To clarify, she's an original character, and the real Kaprao doesn't have a girlfriend, as far as I know. More than just having a trans woman in the series, I thought it was important to include and celebrate a trans woman who isn't necessarily "passing." I wanted to emphasize that trans women don't have to look cisgender in order to be validated or accepted. Hence my use of the word androgyny in order to describe Fon. While she may be attractive, her beauty doesn't adhere to traditional standards. And perhaps that is what makes her so captivating.


	14. Dinner with Friends

Mew lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. The bluish moonlight gives it the appearance of a movie screen, and on its surface he replays this evening's exchange. 

_"Shai. We'll tell them."_

_"And I want to meet P'Fasai."_

What was he thinking, saying yes? Not that he'd ever deny Gulf anything. His undying love? Done. A kidney? Sure. But to meet Fasai… what is he afraid of? 

It's different this time. Everything feels different. He's not the same foolhardy idiot who rushed into love for the sake of being in love. He was careful this time, and God knows how he tried not to fall for Gulf. How he didn't dare hope for a fraction of the happiness he feels now, wrapped in Gulf's arms in bed, staring at his ceiling when he should be staring at the most beautiful person in the world. 

"Phi." 

"Aow. Are you still awake?" 

Gulf sits up and looks down at him, eyes puffy and lips pouty. So heartbreakingly gorgeous in the middle of the night. "I don't think I can sleep na without your heavy breathing. It's like my sound machine." 

"So mean to your phi." He toussels Gulf's hair. 

"What's the matter, Mew?" The sudden seriousness in his voice jars him. 

"It's nothing, Yai Nong."

Gulf makes a high pitched _humph_ noise. "You think I don't notice these things, but I do. How can we ever be together if we don't communicate? Hm?" His hands come to rest on his hips in the sleepiest gesture of sass Mew has ever seen. The sleepiest and the most adorable. 

He wraps his arms around Gulf and presses his cheek to his stomach. How he wants to stay here forever, holding him and not having to face his worries. "You're surprisingly insightful in the middle of the night." 

"It's not hard to read the person I love." 

Mew's arms tighten around him. _This._ All he wants is this. To be with him forever. He feels Gulf's fingers thread through his hair. His movements are sluggish with exhaustion. 

"I'm nervous," Mew confesses. "About telling everyone." 

"And?" 

He sighs and nuzzles against Gulf's tummy. "And about you meeting Fasai." 

Gulf pulls away so they can look at each other. "Are you protective of her, Phi?" 

"What?" The question throws him off guard. "Who in their right mind would try to protect Fasai?" 

Gulf's laugh brings him down from his anxiety. Maybe he's overreacting. "Then what are you nervous about? That she won't like me? That I won't like her?" 

"That's just it." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't think either of those things will happen, but I'm terrified nonetheless. I think some unforeseen catastrophe will appear out of nowhere." He groans and dives headfirst into the safety of Gulf's lap. 

"Oe oe oe." He rubs his back and sways them back and forth. "Khun Phi shouldn't worry too much, it will give you wrinkles." He chuckles and makes tickle noises as his fingers attack his sides. 

"Nooohhhaaaahh!" He curls against him and slaps away at his hands. His eyes are shut tight with laughter as they wrestle under the blanket. "Okay! I give!" 

They lie tangled in each other's limbs, panting and giggling in the pale blue glow of the moon. 

"How are you not nervous?" Mew asks him. 

"Who says I'm not?"

"Then why-"

"Don't you know, Phi?" He leans in and gives him a soft kiss on the lips. "She's important to you, and so I want her blessing." 

___________________________

Gulf regrets his words as he stares at the hole in his sock. P'Fasai's blessing? Is he crazy? Does he really think he can get such a thing? It seemed like such a good idea at the time. If someone like Fasai were to think he's worthy of Mew, surely he would believe it himself. 

But if she doesn't… well, he's doubly screwed, isn't he? 

"We can still cancel," says Mew, wrapping his arms around him from behind. He presses a soft kiss to his shoulder. 

"No, I refuse to be a coward." 

He laughs against his neck, warm breath caressing his skin. "Good, because P'Pee just got here. I'll go finish setting up for dinner." He kisses Gulf's cheek and leaves the bedroom. 

It's cold now with Mew gone. He was sweating with nervousness earlier, so much so that he had to stand in front of the electric fan to air himself out. Now he looks through his duffel bag for a sweater and comes up empty. Shia. 

"Um… Phi?" 

Mew's head pops in the doorway. "Yes, Yai Nong?" 

"I forgot to pack a sweater-" 

Mew is at his side in an instant, turning him this way and that. "Let me handle it." He disappears into his closet and emerges with an armful of clothes. 

"Alai-"

"Here, I have a soft sweater that will look cute on you."

Gulf looks at the name on the tag. "Gucci?" 

"No good? What about this?" He holds up a preppy cable knit cardigan.

"I'm not going on a yacht, Phi."

"Fine, what about this? It's not designer label." 

Gulf looks at it and makes a face. "A Ryan hoodie? Everyone will know it's yours." 

"So?" He pouts and leans in close. "Maybe I want everyone to see you in my clothes." 

He fights the fluttering in his stomach long enough to push Mew off of him. He can't get distracted by those mesmerizing eyes right now. And he definitely can't admit how much he wants everyone to see him in Mew's clothes, too. "Maybe something less obvious." 

Mew nods and looks through the other sweaters. "Ah. Tadam." He holds up a plain black sweatshirt. 

Gulf can't help it. He tugs at the front of Mew's shirt and pulls him in for a kiss. "Perfect." He freezes when he sees Mew's shocked reaction. "Alai na, Phi?" 

He shakes his head and looks around the room. Avoiding eye contact is such a tell. "Nothing. Just not used to all this." 

Gulf understands completely. As simple and as casual as it was, he'd be lying if he said his heart wasn't racing. Just being around Mew makes him weak in the knees, and now they're at the kissing stage? He can't do anything to hide the wide, goofy, lovesick grin on his face. What's that word people say? Whipped? He is definitely whipped for P'Mew. 

"Riiiiiicecaaaaaaake..." P'Pee calls from the kitchen. "The menfolk have arrived en masse. I'm letting the hunky one inside; the others can wait." 

“Aa,” Mew and Gulf say at the same time. 

"Go," says Gulf. "I'll put the clothes away.”

The condo fills with voices as P'Mild, P'Aa, and P'Run enter. They’re quickly followed by Kaprao and Fon, and then P’Eye. Why did Mew have to pull so many sweaters off the hangers? Finally, he hears the last guest arrive: P’Fasai. They now have a full house, and he has no choice but to come out of… well, the closet. 

He takes a deep breath and leaves the bedroom. The noise is deafening at first, but the world goes silent as his eyes land on a tall woman in the center of the room. She can't be real. She seems like someone out of a movie or a music video. It's only been a minute since she entered the condo, and already she's changed the atmosphere into some kind of fancy perfume commercial. There's just no way that P'Fasai is a regular person.

Right?

Gulf watches from his hiding place around the corner. Fasai greets everyone with hugs and kisses, chit chat and laughter. Everything about her is glamorous. He's never seen anyone like her in his life, and suddenly there's a heaviness in his chest and a sinking in his stomach. This is what he has to live up to? These are the shoes he has to fill? His doubt renews itself in the very center of his inexperienced heart. Would Mew still fall for him if he were at 100%? 

P'Pee smacks Mew's arm. "Hamburger, where's that exquisite young man of yours?" He looks around and spots Gulf, beckoning him with a crook of his finger. "Don't worry, pretzel, she only bites if you're into it." 

A squeak comes out of nowhere and Eye pops up from behind P'Mild. They all laugh, and Gulf notices Eye giving heart eyes to Fasai. He can't really blame her. He's likely to do the same.

He takes his first step toward her, and from there it’s just a matter of repeated motions. A short walk toward a long evening. He stands before her, feeling so small in her presence. Fasai, the legend herself. And so the moment that everyone's been waiting for is here at last. He gulps and makes Wai.

"Sawadee-khrab, P'Fasai." 

She nods in response and smiles. It fades quickly as she looks at all the expectant faces in the room. "I didn't know introductions were a spectator sport." Her eyes return to Gulf and she winks at him. "Come on, let's go out on the balcony and leave these busybodies to speculate." 

"Aow," P'Mild looks insulted. "You would do that to us?"

She turns to him and Gulf can tell by the look on everyone's faces that her expression must be terrifying. "Alai na? This isn't about you, it's for Gulf." 

His laugh is nervous as he waves them off. "You're right, you're right. You two have fun." 

"Gulf?" Mew looks at him with large, concerned eyes. He's trying to gauge his comfort level.

"Shai," he tells them both. "The balcony sounds good." 

Fasai's smile looks sincere, but it does nothing to calm his nerves. After all this anticipation, she certainly lives up to expectation. He reminds himself that he asked for this. He looks at Mew and gives him a reassuring smile. After all, he's only a little terrified of P'Fasai. Just a little. 

The night air feels good on his now flushed skin. He watches the breeze blow through her hair and he wonders if she naturally makes everything look like a photoshoot. 

"That's better, isn't it?" She takes a seat in one of the patio chairs. Her graceful movements remind him of Fon. "I couldn't stand everyone staring at us like we were a pair of cocks about to go at it."

Gulf chokes on his own saliva. "Phi khrab?" 

She freezes for a second and laughs. "I meant like roosters! Like a cockfight!" Her laugh sounds so genuine and carefree that it's hard to believe he's talking to the same woman. Seeing her like this, he can't help but laugh, too. 

"Will you sit with me?" She gestures to the chair next to her. Heat floods his face and ears. The scent of something floral and sweet fills the air as he joins her. Perfume commercial, indeed. 

Her eyes soften as she looks at him. "I've been so nervous about meeting you," she says. "To be honest, I still am." Color appears at her cheeks, but there's no way- there's just no way that she's shy. 

"Really?" Gulf's eyes roam the balcony in his nervous habit. " _You_ were nervous?" 

She startles and tilts her head. "Well, of course." Her tone is so matter-of-fact that Gulf wonders if he's missed something. "You're Mew's special person. Don't forget, I saw the wreck he was right after the breakup. But now look at him." She gestures inside, where Mew is laughing with everyone. 

"All of you were there for him when he needed you." 

Her smile vanishes, and she leans forward to look him straight in the eyes. "Make no mistake, Nong- we got him functioning again. But _you_ brought back his happiness. And for that, you have my gratitude and respect." Her smile returns and Gulf lets out a breath of air he’d been holding. "So, how could I be anything but nervous to meet someone capable of all that?" 

Gulf stares at her. She looks formidable, but at the same time, warm. The same kind of warm as P'Mew. This must be how others feel when they first meet him. They see him as intimidating, but he's actually kind and silly and well, warm. Perhaps it's the same with Fasai.

"I-I was nervous, too," he admits. 

She nods and looks out at the Bangkok skyline. "Understandable, but you have nothing to worry about. Well now, that's out of the way." She walks over to the railing and glances back at him over her shoulder. The sight of her is breathtaking. "Tell me about yourself, Gulf. I'm dying to know all about you." 

His mouth goes dry. Shia, what's there to say? "Um… I like football?" It's his go-to response. 

Fasai's eyes light up. "Really? Do you follow British Premier League?" 

Huh, she's serious about this. "Shai." 

"Who's your team? Wait, should I guess?" She brings a finger to her chin and hums. "You don't strike me as a Manchester United sheep. And you seem too laid back for Arsenal. And you're with Mew, who likes to spoil his partners, so probably not masochistic enough to root for Liverpool." 

"Phi really knows her teams." 

She narrows her eyes. "You seem like a good boy, Nong… but a _reformed_ good boy. I see a hint of mischief in your eyes, but I get a sense of warmth and softness from you. Hmm, and a burgeoning appreciation for elegance and style." She laughs and flashes a shark-like smile. "Chelsea!" 

Shia, she's good. "Phi can tell all of that about me?" 

She crosses her arms and eyes him up and down. "No designer labels on your outfit but you're wearing makeup and your hair is styled. Your voice is soft and gentle, but your words are blunt and to the point. And there's that mischief I mentioned." She smirks and takes a seat once more. "You went to an all boys school, didn't you?" 

"How did you…?"

"I'm a lawyer. Reading people is what I do." She shrugs and leans back in her chair. "And I can tell you're a good person, Gulf. I'd like it if we could be friends." 

"I'd like that, too." 

She giggles and sits up with renewed energy. "Do me now. What team do you think I follow?" 

Oh god. He's never done this sort of thing before. What does he even know about Fasai? She used to date Mew, but he doesn't know why they broke up. Maybe she doesn't like being spoiled? She seems too independent to let Mew do everything. But they're still close, so that shows friendship and loyalty. And she's a lawyer, so she must be fine with long hours, heavy stress, and the occasional loss. Of course. Steadfast loyalty, even in the face of disappointment. 

"Liverpool," he says. 

Her smile seems to imply that she expected that answer. "Well done." She stares at him for a while, her smile turning soft and dreamlike. "Nong, I hope you don't mind my saying, but… god, you're pretty. How does Mew keep his hands off you?" 

"He doesn't." They laugh together until their eyes water. 

Fasai glances through the window and waves to someone inside. Gulf turns, expecting to find Mew but sees Eye instead. She notices him and smiles. So, Fasai has someone special, too. 

“Shall we put them out of their misery and go back inside?” She stands and stretches. It occurs to Gulf why he’s so taken with P’Fasai; she reminds him of a cat. 

“Phi krab?” He hesitates, but decides he might as well ask. "Any advice on how to deal with P'Mew?"

She laughs with surprise and then with amusement. Her eyes are kind as she shakes her head. "What could I possibly say? I knew who he was back then. You know who he is now." 

Dinner is full of chaos. Mew doesn’t have enough table space for everyone, so it’s more like a party with everyone eating off different surfaces around the condo. Some are at the small kitchen table, some at the kitchen counter, some at the coffee table, and others standing or sitting on the floor. Despite the crowd, Gulf feels cozy and comfortable. They’re all his friends now, including P’Fasai. 

“How’d it go?” Mew whispers into his ear. He spoons a few pieces of crispy pork onto Gulf’s plate. 

“Better than I hoped.” He catches Fasai’s eye and they exchange friendly smiles. “She’s different from what I imagined.” 

Mew’s arm circles his waist. “I’m sure she thinks the same about you.” 

Mild stands from the couch and taps his bottle of soda with a spoon. “Ahem, ahem. Now that we’ve had our first round of this scrumptious meal- many thanks to our favorite food stall around the block- I think it’s time for our gracious hosts to share their news. And just so you know, I’m excellent at negotiating sin sod with fathers. I did it for my cousin.” He makes an OK sign at Mew across the room. 

Mew’s sigh sends warm air around Gulf's neck and ear. “Fine na, fine. Gulf?” He gestures at him. “Do you want to- no? No, okay I’ll say it.” He laughs and throws his arms around him. 

“Oiyee, quit stalling na!” 

“Announcement first; cuddles later!” 

“Do both, just tell us already!”

Mew groans, but his embrace only tightens. “Okay, okay. Gulf and I want to thank you for all the support you’ve given us these past-”

“Skip na to the good part!” 

They both shake with laughter until Gulf’s stomach is aching. Seeing everyone’s smiling faces in anticipation, he can’t restrain himself any longer. “We’re not quite dating yet,” he says, cutting him off. “But for now, P’Mew and I are calling ourselves significant others.” He shrinks back into Mew’s arms as soon as he finishes speaking. 

The room breaks out into laughter, cheering, and much teasing. It wasn’t really news, after all. Just a confirmation of what everyone already knew. But it’s out and everyone is finally caught up, and Gulf feels enveloped in so much warmth and happiness that he can't believe it's real. 

People separate into small groups throughout the evening, chatting amongst themselves around the condo. Mew does his best to jump from group to group to avoid ignoring anyone, allowing Gulf to enjoy from whatever distance he chooses. It makes him giddy, imagining this is how they might host parties someday as a full-fledged couple, each of them playing their own roles, making their rounds in their own ways. 

He wanders over to where the drinks are set up and overhears a bit of conversation between P’Fasai and P’Pee. 

“Did you see Nong Kaprao’s girlfriend?” 

Pee sighs. “Yes, I saw.”

Gulf’s stiffens and holds his breath. What are they saying about Fon behind her back?

Fasai shakes her head. “I can’t stand it.” She sets down her glass. “I have to ask her where she got that dress. It’s stunning. I’ve been staring at her all evening, I think Eye might be getting jealous.” 

“If Eye isn’t, that old frock you’re wearing certainly is.” 

“Rude.” She slaps his hand. “I love this dress.”

“It doesn’t love you back.”

Gulf restrains his laughter as he moves away from their conversation. He walks up to P’Mild and P’Aa, who stop talking as soon as he joins them. “Awkward,” he says, noting their sheepish faces. “You two keep flirting; I’ll be air somewhere else.” He gives them a salute and continues walking. 

P’Eye reaches out for him. “N’Gulf, N’Gulf!” She beckons for him to join her and N’Fon. 

"Welcome," says Fon. Her rich voice lulls him instantly. "We're discussing the symbolism in _Phra Aphai Mani_." 

"Oh." Of all the things to discuss at a party, they've chosen epic poetry. He looks back and forth between them. "I haven't read it since secondary school." 

Fon looks around the room. “Then… shall we have a little wager?” she grins and raises an eyebrow. "I'm curious to see whose partner comes over first. I thought it would be P’Fasai, but now that P'Gulf is here, I think it’ll be P’Mew.”

Eye giggles into her drink. “I think you’re right. There’s nothing to wager.” They clutch at each other's hands and laugh together. 

Gulf looks back at Pee and Fasai. She’s still staring at Fon, admiring her dress. To be fair, it's beautifully made and she wears it gracefully. “The wager is who will approach our group first?” Eye and Fon nod at him. He grins back. “Then I bet P’Fasai will come first.” 

Eye looks curious, but Fon’s smile is sly. “You have intel, Phi.” 

He shrugs and feigns innocence. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

Her laugh is cut short by the sound of someone clearing their throat. “Sorry na kha,” says P’Fasai. “I don’t mean to interrupt.” 

“Aow.” Eye groans and helps herself to Fasai’s drink. “Have you no shame?”

“Alai?” 

Gulf and Fon lean toward each other and laugh. Eye and Fasai bicker like a married couple until Fasai finally turns to address them. 

“N’Fon,” she says, almost reverently. “Will you please tell me where you bought that dress na kha? You look gorgeous in it.” 

Gulf nods goodbye while Fon pulls up the store's website on her phone and he moves onto the next group. Run, Kaprao, and Mew are trying out a song on the guitar. He sits next to Mew as he strums, enjoying the sound of his voice. It's been a good evening. 

___________________________

The bed sheets feel cool against Mew's skin as he slides around to get comfortable. He watches Gulf rummage through his duffel, clearly frustrated. 

"What's the matter?" 

Gulf looks up, scratching his head. "I thought I brought more tee shirts than this." He sighs and kicks the bag against the wall. "Forget it. I'll just sleep shirtless. I normally don't wear a shirt when I sleep alone, anyway." 

"That was an option?" Mew perks up and draws the covers back for him. 

Gulf's expression is far from seductive. "I need to go home tomorrow. I haven't done laundry in forever."

"You can wear my clothes." 

"I like mine."

"You can do laundry here."

"Mew." 

"I know…" he leans his head on Gulf's shoulder. "I just don't want you to leave. Is that so bad?" 

"So, let's spend the next few days at my place." 

Mew tries to control his face, he really does. It's not that he hates Gulf's condo, it's just that it's not _his_ condo. It's barely Gulf's, given the lack of Gulf's property inside it. It's so sparse and impersonal, like a hotel, but with fewer towels. 

Gulf reads his face loud and clear. "Forget it," he says, turning away from him. "Goodnight."

"Aow."

"Aow yourself." 

"Gulf…" he pokes his shoulder. "Yai Nong, talk to me. I didn't mean to insult you." 

"You didn't, I'm just tired." 

Does Gulf even know he's sulking, or does he actually believe he's just tired? Mew takes a deep breath and spoons him. "I would love to spend the next few days at your condo, if the invitation is still open." 

"It's up to you." 

Little shit. He kisses his bare shoulder and closes his eyes. "Don't be mad at me na. I like my condo and my bed. A lot." He trails kisses across Gulf's shoulders. "But I like sleeping next to you even more. Will you let me?" 

Gulf turns onto his back and glares at him. "I don't want you to suffer for my sake." His tone is less than genuine. 

Mew raises an eyebrow and grins. "I'd move in if it meant you'd always sleep shirtless." 

"Mew…"

His laugh is soft, patient. He strokes Gulf's cheek. "I'm sorry, Yai Nong. Of course I want to stay at your condo. It means everything to me to be invited to your home." 

"One week." 

Alai the fuck wa? 

_____________________________

Mew pulls into a spot in the parking deck and looks at Gulf. Where is he taking him? "I thought we were going to your condo." 

Gulf grins and gets out of the car. No reply, no hint. Just that sly grin that leaves Mew feeling teased and tormented. He follows him toward the doors that lead into the shopping mall. 

Bed sheets. 

"I feel like we should be reciting dialogue," says Mew. "What are we doing here?"

Gulf shrugs and runs his hand along one of the display beds. "I figured you didn't like how bare my condo is. It's not very comfortable there." He looks at him with earnest Bambi eyes and a shy smile. "So, I thought you could help me shop for things to make it more homey. You know… so that you'd like it more." 

Mew stops breathing. He fights the urge to pull Gulf into his arms. "Yai Nong, you don't have to do this. It's your condo, and I love it because it's yours. Please don't change it on my account." 

He laughs and pushes playfully at Mew's chest. "It's not just for you na, Phi. I do need to get stuff for the condo. I just never had the time because of filming." He shakes his head. "You think I like using a beach towel for a bath mat and barely having enough dishes for one person? But I do want to add other things to make it more welcoming for you. Let me do this for you, okay?" 

Mew's chest aches as he smiles. "Khrab." He looks around to make sure nobody sees before he squeezes Gulf's hand. "I love you." 

"Khraaab." Gulf smiles and leads him to the bathroom section. He nudges him with his shoulder and softly says, "I love you, too." 

Gulf hops up and down on yet another bath mat. "Hmmm…" 

"Hmmm?"

"Hmmm."

Mew groans and stands on it with him. There's barely room for both of them. "How many are you going to try na?" 

"Until I find one that satisfies me."

"No wonder you don't like shopping. You're terrible at it." 

"Aow." He pulls out another one. "I only plan on having one, so I want to make sure it's the right one. Kind of like my approach to picking a faen." 

Mew can't help but smile. How very Gulf. "Okay na. What kind of mat are you looking for?" 

"Soft." He lays the mat on the ground and steps on it. "And big. I want a really, really big mat." 

"Why?" He laughs at his adorable junior. "Your bathroom is so tiny." 

Gulf pauses and looks down. "So we can stand on it together when we brush our teeth." 

Shia. Leave it to Gulf to be so unexpectedly romantic about something like bath mats. Mew has to turn away to hide his blushing face and regain composure. He takes a few breaths before he looks back and smiles. "I love that, Yai Nong. I want that, too." 

"Is it a back scratcher?" Gulf holds up what looks like a spiky spoon. 

Mew wipes away his tears from laughing. "Yai Nong…" his laughter renews and he has to hold onto the shelf for balance. "It's a spaghetti spoon! It's to scoop the noodles when you cook them." 

"Aow." He attempts to mime scooping imaginary pasta. "Why not just use chopsticks or tongs?" 

Mew catches his breath and properly demonstrates the scooping technique. "Most farang don't know how to cook with chopsticks." 

"Still looks like a back scratcher to me." 

"What's wrong with marble?" Asks Mew. He holds up his choice again. 

Gulf shakes his head. "It's impractical. Cork is better." 

"Your furniture is dark. Marble will look better." 

"And condensation is wet." He tosses his choice into the cart. "Cork coasters are more absorbant." 

Both of them freeze when they hear laughter nearby. They turn to find two elderly women giggling at them. 

"You boys are so cute together," says one of them. 

"Yes, just like me and my husband when we first married." 

"Your faen is right, cork is the best choice."

All the blood drains from Mew's face. He makes Wai and tries to brush off their insinuations. "Khap khun khrab, but we're not-" 

"Khrab," says Gulf. "Thank you na. Hopefully he'll listen to me now." He makes Wai and waves. He doesn't bother correcting them. The women giggle again and walk off. Mew looks at him with wide eyes. 

"What?" Gulf shrugs. "They're two old women, not talk show hosts. Besides, we _are_ cute together." 

_______________________

Gulf slides into the bed and hums at the softness of his new bedsheets. P'Mew bought them, which means a very big price tag that he wouldn't let Gulf see. He snuggles underneath the covers and stretches out as far as his limbs will go. 

"Aow, leave some room for me na," says Mew. He joins him under the blanket, seeking him out with his arms. "Oiyeee… are you shirtless?" He lifts the covers to look at him. 

"You seemed to enjoy it last night." _Even though they did nothing_ , Gulf wants to say. There was too much tension last night, but now… now, they have these amazing new bed sheets that feel like heaven against his bare skin. 

"I-" 

"Do you want to kiss me, P'Mew?" 

"Yes." 

Gulf lies back and opens his arms for Mew to hold him. He feels the weight of his body as their lips meet. It's like sunshine flooding through his body as Mew kisses him. It's like falling in love all over again. Mew's fingertips are rough and calloused from his years of playing guitar, and the texture of them on his naked skin is delicious. He moans into the kiss and pulls him closer. 

Mew's lips trace along his jaw and down to his neck. Soft, reverent kisses that worship every inch of him and Gulf has to grab at Mew's hair and thrust with his hips. 

Mew stops. He freezes on top of him and pulls away. "I'm sorry, Nong." 

"Huh?" 

Mew lets go of him completely and shakes his head. "I didn't mean to go that far. I'm sorry I got carried away." 

"Mew." He lifts his chin with a finger. "You didn't go too far for me."

Mew's eyes look startled, confused. Beautiful. His expression is imploring. "Are you sure? I've kissed your neck as Tharn, but…" 

Gulf sits up and runs his fingers through Mew's hair. "I'm not ready to do everything, but…" he smiles, feeling his ears burning. "I want to go further." 


End file.
